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| Topic: Finding Yourself | |
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Edited by
snarkytwain
on
Wed 07/15/09 05:02 PM
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ETA: Mods, please move this. I didn't realize it was in the wrong place. Sorry!
I asked my mother early on after my divorce why I couldn't find a good man. Her answer rang true, but also made me mad... BECAUSE it was true: "Because you don't know yourself yet." Can any of us ever really find happiness with another until we find happiness with ourselves? So I set out to change myself. To become the person I WANTED to be. I started with physicality... I used to pretend that I didn't care about physical attraction, but I found that doing so made me miserable. One must have EVERY aspect they want in a relationship, or one can't be happy. That includes physical attraction, like it or not. And if one wants someone who is physically attractive to them, they should, honestly, put the same effort into attracting. If you want someone, DO something about it or quit whining. If that means improving your appearance, then do it. Stop bitching that people are shallow. That does nobody any good, including you. Physical attraction MATTERS. My roommate is always bitching about how he's alone and wants to find love. He's an AWESOME man, but needs to lose weight. We both know it. I've told him so a few times -- tough love -- and he says "yeah, yeah I know", but doesn't DO anything about it. Anyway, I digress. I did something about it. I lost twenty pounds, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe, changed my makeup... and was very happy with the results. Not just because I looked better, but because I felt like ME. My new look was the look I had always felt inside, but never brought out. It was perfect. Then I started to focus on the INSIDE. Not nearly as easy. Not NEARLY. I was so innocent and naive for a very long time, but I hated that, so I decided to teach myself about the world. I don't know if it was a bad idea or a good one -- I'm thinking a bit of both, looking back. But now, three years later, I certainly know a hell of a lot more about the world, and can say I am no longer naive. Good right? But around the second year I found myself becoming cynical and mean, which I had NEVER been in my LIFE. I had to make a conscious decision then. Did I allow myself to become like so many others -- mean-spirited, disenchanted, jaded? Or did I accept the good AND bad in life and refuse to let it get me down? I had to chose number two, or completely lose myself. I WAS a nice girl... it was who I was. It IS who I AM. And I would never be happy any other way. Am I different? Hell yeah. Like I said, I'm a lot more worldly now. Careful. Which is good. But I don't worry about things I don't need to worry about, either. And if someone's a jackass, I just walk away. Also, and this has been a BIG one that's taken the very most time, I have had issues with men. Thinking they're all controlling ********. I have yet to really have an experience that disproves this, but I recently decided that's me, not them. I'm subconsciously LOOKING for that type because it's what I know and/or think I deserve. I've just come to the conclusion that I gotta change tactics, because the only thing in every relationship I have had that has been the same is me. So... logic dictates, right? I guess my point is, nobody's going to make anybody else entirely happy. Nobody can base life's joy on another human being. Talk about pressure! And people wonder why relationships don't work? Find joy in yourself FIRST. Then you can find joy in others... and they can find joy in you. 
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The reason some women always go for the controlling A hole type is for security.
Kind of like when the facists ran Italy. At least the trains ran on time. |
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A sign that I gave out to every one of my clients and one that is still on my bathroom mirror... "You are looking at the face of the person responsible for your happiness today." I believe that others can enhance your happiness and share your happiness, but a person is accountable for their own happiness. |
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Your mom was sooo right!!!
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ETA: Mods, please move this. I didn't realize it was in the wrong place. Sorry! I asked my mother early on after my divorce why I couldn't find a good man. Her answer rang true, but also made me mad... BECAUSE it was true: "Because you don't know yourself yet." Can any of us ever really find happiness with another until we find happiness with ourselves? So I set out to change myself. To become the person I WANTED to be. I started with physicality... I used to pretend that I didn't care about physical attraction, but I found that doing so made me miserable. One must have EVERY aspect they want in a relationship, or one can't be happy. That includes physical attraction, like it or not. And if one wants someone who is physically attractive to them, they should, honestly, put the same effort into attracting. If you want someone, DO something about it or quit whining. If that means improving your appearance, then do it. Stop bitching that people are shallow. That does nobody any good, including you. Physical attraction MATTERS. My roommate is always bitching about how he's alone and wants to find love. He's an AWESOME man, but needs to lose weight. We both know it. I've told him so a few times -- tough love -- and he says "yeah, yeah I know", but doesn't DO anything about it. Anyway, I digress. I did something about it. I lost twenty pounds, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe, changed my makeup... and was very happy with the results. Not just because I looked better, but because I felt like ME. My new look was the look I had always felt inside, but never brought out. It was perfect. Then I started to focus on the INSIDE. Not nearly as easy. Not NEARLY. I was so innocent and naive for a very long time, but I hated that, so I decided to teach myself about the world. I don't know if it was a bad idea or a good one -- I'm thinking a bit of both, looking back. But now, three years later, I certainly know a hell of a lot more about the world, and can say I am no longer naive. Good right? But around the second year I found myself becoming cynical and mean, which I had NEVER been in my LIFE. I had to make a conscious decision then. Did I allow myself to become like so many others -- mean-spirited, disenchanted, jaded? Or did I accept the good AND bad in life and refuse to let it get me down? I had to chose number two, or completely lose myself. I WAS a nice girl... it was who I was. It IS who I AM. And I would never be happy any other way. Am I different? Hell yeah. Like I said, I'm a lot more worldly now. Careful. Which is good. But I don't worry about things I don't need to worry about, either. And if someone's a jackass, I just walk away. Also, and this has been a BIG one that's taken the very most time, I have had issues with men. Thinking they're all controlling ********. I have yet to really have an experience that disproves this, but I recently decided that's me, not them. I'm subconsciously LOOKING for that type because it's what I know and/or think I deserve. I've just come to the conclusion that I gotta change tactics, because the only thing in every relationship I have had that has been the same is me. So... logic dictates, right? I guess my point is, nobody's going to make anybody else entirely happy. Nobody can base life's joy on another human being. Talk about pressure! And people wonder why relationships don't work? Find joy in yourself FIRST. Then you can find joy in others... and they can find joy in you.
Your mom wuz rite
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you know whats funny is after i broke up with my ex my best friend looked my square in the face and said "don't go running for another one until you know and am happy with yourself."
dang. she was very right. it took me a long time to make peace with everything that i am. and now that i've done it.. i'm not in such a huge hurry to find him. ;) |
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 Issues
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I did that, and I came out about the same as I went in...odd, maybe I'll just stick to being alone and happy instead of with someone and miserable.
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ery tru know just what your talking about I struggled ans still am in some areas with the same thing its nice to know I was not going crazy ans there are people out there who are going through it also...I hope you find what you are looking for you deserve the best we all do. Peace!
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ETA: Mods, please move this. I didn't realize it was in the wrong place. Sorry! I asked my mother early on after my divorce why I couldn't find a good man. Her answer rang true, but also made me mad... BECAUSE it was true: "Because you don't know yourself yet." Can any of us ever really find happiness with another until we find happiness with ourselves? So I set out to change myself. To become the person I WANTED to be. I started with physicality... I used to pretend that I didn't care about physical attraction, but I found that doing so made me miserable. One must have EVERY aspect they want in a relationship, or one can't be happy. That includes physical attraction, like it or not. And if one wants someone who is physically attractive to them, they should, honestly, put the same effort into attracting. If you want someone, DO something about it or quit whining. If that means improving your appearance, then do it. Stop bitching that people are shallow. That does nobody any good, including you. Physical attraction MATTERS. My roommate is always bitching about how he's alone and wants to find love. He's an AWESOME man, but needs to lose weight. We both know it. I've told him so a few times -- tough love -- and he says "yeah, yeah I know", but doesn't DO anything about it. Anyway, I digress. I did something about it. I lost twenty pounds, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe, changed my makeup... and was very happy with the results. Not just because I looked better, but because I felt like ME. My new look was the look I had always felt inside, but never brought out. It was perfect. Then I started to focus on the INSIDE. Not nearly as easy. Not NEARLY. I was so innocent and naive for a very long time, but I hated that, so I decided to teach myself about the world. I don't know if it was a bad idea or a good one -- I'm thinking a bit of both, looking back. But now, three years later, I certainly know a hell of a lot more about the world, and can say I am no longer naive. Good right? But around the second year I found myself becoming cynical and mean, which I had NEVER been in my LIFE. I had to make a conscious decision then. Did I allow myself to become like so many others -- mean-spirited, disenchanted, jaded? Or did I accept the good AND bad in life and refuse to let it get me down? I had to chose number two, or completely lose myself. I WAS a nice girl... it was who I was. It IS who I AM. And I would never be happy any other way. Am I different? Hell yeah. Like I said, I'm a lot more worldly now. Careful. Which is good. But I don't worry about things I don't need to worry about, either. And if someone's a jackass, I just walk away. Also, and this has been a BIG one that's taken the very most time, I have had issues with men. Thinking they're all controlling ********. I have yet to really have an experience that disproves this, but I recently decided that's me, not them. I'm subconsciously LOOKING for that type because it's what I know and/or think I deserve. I've just come to the conclusion that I gotta change tactics, because the only thing in every relationship I have had that has been the same is me. So... logic dictates, right? I guess my point is, nobody's going to make anybody else entirely happy. Nobody can base life's joy on another human being. Talk about pressure! And people wonder why relationships don't work? Find joy in yourself FIRST. Then you can find joy in others... and they can find joy in you.
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Therapy is a good option.
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Is your Mom hot?
Is she single? ...or if she ain't single.....does she like tall , long haired dudes with REALLY big....feet/hands? (I would kick myself for passing up this opportunity) hehehehehehehe no offense honey..... sooooooo...about your mom............ |
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omg that was honestly the most profound post I've ever read.. You said it perfectly.. So many of us try to say what you've said but have never put it that way...
Kudos to you and best of luck...
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no. You have nothing to offer until you yourself are whole.
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I can relate to this very much, well put.
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Ya can't give what you ain't got.
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Edited by
snarkytwain
on
Thu 07/16/09 05:05 AM
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Why is it that 100% of the female replies are positive, but 50% of the male ones talk about therapy?
 Makes me think maybe men gotta figure these thigs out too, but are a bit too  to try? 
Just callin it like I sees it. If we're willing to work this hard for YOU, you should be willing to work this hard for us. Just sayin. As for you all that gave positive responses, thank you. It's something we all have to do in order to be truly happy, I honestly believe. But something many, many people never do.
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Personal growth and knowing yourself...
It's a hard, hard job and kinda like hitting a moving target because we change as individuals all the time. It's very important, though!
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Finding who you are
As a person and as a woman is an incredible journey Then sharing it with that special man.... Is so awesome it hurts!! Go find yourself baby!! Tammy |
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We took the long way home, you held my hand,
The days so full of all the things we had planned. We walked beyond the green, beyond the day. We shared a dream that I let slip away. I had to find myself. I had to find myself. No use looking for no one else, 'Cause I'll be lonely till I find myself. You were the man who knew too much to say. So many things that I learned came your way. These things I know that I can't forget, Deep in my heart, they're a part of me yet. Chorus Too many years rolled by without a word. I tried to hide behind things that I'd heard. And now the truth is clear for all to see That through it all, it was you believed in me. Chorus Thanks Eric, |
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