Lady Betts has scored a direct hit upon your silver hammer with her cherry red nail polish... Please do feel free to jump in and add your ten yens worth... change the mood, the storyline, the characters... say whatever you feel (Since this thread belongs to another, I guess you should try to keep it within the boundary's of good ol' American censorship... BUT who knows where the limits may lie?) Why I, myself, am but a mouse-eared virginal pup (Ahhh BUT NOT one of yours, my fickle pole dancing Betts) on this small landlocked story telling asteroid from another dimension. Let your velvety soft paw pads release what lies, hidden, deep within your restless stumpy feline persona... Welcome aboard, help yourself to a tankard of our finest Namibian ale, and loosen your emerald encrusted scabbard...

How can anyone refuse such a silver-tounged devil such as my (our) Clive??? He makes your heart beat faster and erupt in laughter at the same time! Please join us in our antics and add to them your own!

We have turned your story thread into a reality tv show and possibly a movie.!
You shall of course get 10% of the royalities however that greedy wench Muffy Buff and the cheating dog Clive may try to screw you out of it.Stay strong ! together we shall conquer the evil .
Now ecuse me I have 11 puppies to deliver and where is their father at my time of need?

He is sipping on sweet wine from my golden breastplate,that I, by the way, stole from you..But never fear, we are watching the whole thing on our new 98" flat TV screen we installed in the very nice
coach Clive purchased for me from the royalities from your reality show! We are cheering you on, you fertile little little scamp!

Just a post note here....Doesn't our Clive look lusious in his new photo....look at those eyes,glancing up to see if we are noticing him!!! Yummy!

of course he does you silly girl. Why did you think I had 35 pups with him?
He is just whooing you to give me a break of his animalistic urges.!
It is me he loves not you!!!!
BTW he bought me a 100 inch flat screen and a mansion. Plus a gold abd diamond studded breast plate.

Ahhhh Lady Betts, such wit you posses....Give you a break from his animalistic urges?? Nay, our urges are so well matched there is no other that can satisfy him. He only uses you to get the checks from the APS for wildlife management. That mansion, HA, he traded a six pack of the worse brew he could find for the old flea bag, no pun intended, NoTellMotel south of the border to house you and the pups.Please don't get too close to the fire with your new Diamond encrusted gold breastplate, it'll melt and burn some of your teats.
I must make haste now for he awaits me, we will be dining Ala Birthdaysuit this eve, on the shores of the Willowhideme.

WOW! Whos playful tongue more resembles an ingot of silver now? Certainly, it is not mine! Why I haven't felt this worthy of a good frolic in the hay for quite some time. Alas, business before pleasure... although pleasure could be my business if and when certain elements of my wicked alliance rear their lovely heads and give me a sultry smile... Come hither, my lovely associates, and join me in a toast to the Golden Breastplate of Antioch... We have much business to discuss and many devious deeds to render upon our evil foes...

Clive out...

Ahhh, I've been learning from the King of Silver Ingots!
So tell me now, Sweet Clive where is this facinating tale of adventure taking us now?
Surely Lady Betts has recovered from her many deliveries. She has been a fine rival and worthy adversary for your much sought after attentions.
Yes, lets drink from the Golden Breastplate of Antioch and then get on with our business.

I haven't much time for packs of howling demon hounds are on my trail and the ghastly flying monkey thingamajoogies wearing bell cap hats circle low over my head. I have managed to steal a copy of a hand drawn blueprint of the tomb of King Kuala-lumparoni, where the legendary treasure of Peron was once hidden by the Inca's during the time of the Spanish Conquests... AND which now houses, within it's dusty unexplored corridors, the infamous Crystal Chalice of The Knights of Nee, where we will supposedly find an IOU left by the Seven Thieves of Katmancante, who stole Peron's treasure and moved it to an undisclosed location which is rumoured to be an ice cave somewhere along the banks of the Frozen River of Muccamucca-woo... near Des Moines...

I have made the supreme sacrifice, my lovely band of fair haired vixens, and have paid a visit to Dr. Bill Killroy (world famous plastic surgeon and highly successful prosthetic manufacturer), and he has made some minor changes to my physical appearance so that I may thwart the fierce three-headed Andean Chili Dog who guards the entrance to the Tomb of ol' Kuala-l. I have had my head removed from my body and attached to the torso of a wombat. My facial features have been altered to resemble those of the late great actor, Burgess Meredith, a Hollyrock star who the three-headed fiend cannot stomach in any form, and it will combust, internally, when it catches wind of the foul scented wombat glands that I carry underneath my stubby wombat tail...

After the chili beast is toasted, I shall wander the pitch black corridors of the tomb and with a pair of night vision lemur lenses installed by Doc Bill (and generously donated by the DAR), I shall find the IOU of The Seven Thieves, and thusly the location of the treasure that is rumoured to lie hidden along the banks of The Frozen River... near Des Moines...

My faithful Muffy, have no fear... Dr. Killroy assures me that this alteration of my physical appearance is only temporary and is totally reversible. I hope and pray that you will not forsake me and take tea with my body that is now adorned with the head of the wombat who's torso I have borrowed. I was told that the wombat was chosen from the herd that belongs to a cousin of the Old Sage, Higbert Rappantapp. There could be a devious plot ingrained, by the crafty Sage himself, in those wombat brain cells. Let Lady Betts and her puppy pole dancing treachery keep him busy...

You must gather together two surplus military grade gas masks, a package of low cholesterol hot dog buns, a hammock, three eagle tail feathers, one miniature Russian/English phrasebook, seven six packs of Lone Star Beer, five pair of your finest fishnet hosiery, a couple of toothbrushes, dental floss, some silly putty, the latest issue of 'Low Rider' magazine, two faux fur coats, 45 pair of goggles, a gross of bottle rockets, a container of Icy Hot, a box of crayons, enough spam to feed 45 individuals for a month, a lava lamp, two bottles of Elmer's Glue, a pack of construction paper (various colours), a pair of scissors, a pet grooming kit, some hemp rope, a jar of peanut butter, and my flannel jammies (the one's with the grey snowflakes... pack these supplies and take them down to the station where you will find tickets for you, Bett's, and her offspring waiting... Take the A Train to Memphis... Send Lady B and her pups up the river on recon. Meet me, tomorrow at 3PM sharp, in front of the pearly graffiti riddled gates of Graceland. Look for the rather short, fuzzy, and slightly odoriferous Elvis impersonator wearing the baby blue outfit with sequined flames... That'll be me with bells on... my furry toes... Ummmm better pack a couple pair of sunglasses and some sun block with a high spf... See you there, my luscious Muffikins... AND don't forget to wear your golden breastplate! I'll explain why in my next transmission...

I will no longer answer to the moniker of Clive until our mission is done... You may call me Rico if you would prefer... OR...

Wild Willy Wombat Out

then

Clive , Rico wombat or whoever you are this date with muffyBuff is off got it off!!! I have been patient with you but now with 11 new pups that need constant feeding and potty training you job is here.!The 7 male puppies look just like you my wombat cheating dog 3 of the females look just like me your beautiful and very hot Lady Betts ,while there is one that is a mystery as to what it is however its appearance is exactly that of the wench herself Muffy Buff and I am constantly pulling it off the rest of the puppies.
You have some explaining to do my dearest rico ,clive has to how such a tragedy could happen.It was also very hard to deliver that one as a golden breastplate was already attatched to it and I might add to the wrong end!

I shall call you, Dar es Balat, Rico is far too a common moniker for a daring devil as yourself.
I feared for your safety, when you spoke of the flying monkey thingamajoogies, their bell caps hold a mighty weapon. Proceed with caution as you transverse the dark corridors of King Kuala-lumparoni.
I am having trouble with Lady Betts, she upset about the whelp looking like me! But rest assured she will come to your aid. She does have a fondness for the Old Sage and his nasty cousin, Higbert Rapantapp.
And she would do anything for you to help her with the kiddies. So I will send her to the Old Sage, post haste.
Gathering together all the provisions you requested. I am having a bit of trouble with some of them, such as the grey flannel jammies with the snowflakes….I believe that Lady Betts has them., and she won’t return them to me, so I must purchase you new ones, but don’t know what size you are now. Should I get really short ones with a large waist or will you be back to your normal self by the time you need them??
Oh yes, I got also a gross of air freshener just in case you remain a wombat indefinitely.
I will be at the pearly graffiti riddled gates of Graceland at 3PM today. The speaking fish of the Frozen River have given me a missive to hand to you…they are NOT HAPPY…whatever have you done to them?
My appearance has changed also. I had a couple of hours to kill waiting on the Speaking Fish to shut up, so I had a complete makeover done by that ponderous Milton Burle of Chadwick.
You will recognize me by the Golden Breastplate.

Meanwhile ,back at the Ranch Lady Betts was overwhelmed and distraught over one of her precious pups bearing such an unworthy resemblence to her arch enemy and rival Muffy buff. What was she to do she wanted that pup gone for ever. And Daddy Clive was no where to be found,leaving the poor tired and mangy betts to handle all these pups by herself. She was so tired she could barely do any more pole dancing.
Lady Betts had a plan , at the stroke of midnight she would take that hideous pup who she named Baby Muffy wench, down to the River where she would dispose of that skanky baby for ever. She was almost at the foot of the river when out of nowhere a wolf jumped out and started attacking Baby Muffy. Motherhood took over and Lady Betts defended her baby pup like even a team of the most vicious of dogs could never do. She ripped that wolf to threads and dragged its lifeless body far from her baby.
Muffy was watching all of the this and was overcome by something she had never before felt..compassion .She knew what she had to do .she took off the golden breast that she stole from Lady Betts. She walked over slowy to Betts and watched in amazment as Betts cut ,torn and bleeding was nursing Baby muffy.
Tears filled Muffys eyes and a sudden and fierce rage for Clive began to brew.

Lady Betts, made a stop on her way to see Old Sage..She was going to kill the welp pup that looked like myself. Watching through my double duty crystal ball and GPS, I saw it all happen.I was about to interfer when my arch ememy ARSKANE, a skin changer from Anrodokie, attacts the pup, thinking it was mine.Lady Betts torn into Arskane, ripping him to shreads.. She was wounded, cut and bleeding, but was nursing the pup as I transported to her. The only way to save her and the pup was to give back the Golden Breastplate with it's healing powers. So I made the decision to give up the Breastplate and my dearly beloved Dar es Balak, aka Clive. I was only moments from meeting him at the Gates of Graceland when that transpired.
With a heavy heart, I walked to Lady Betts, anger at Dar es Balat for playing with our hearts, turning us against each other. Why oh why did he have to have both of us. Her for breeding and me as his sex slave? What will the future hold now, without him?

You were mistaken dear Muffy Lady Betts was not on her way to the cave of old sage ,but rather to the willowy old vet down the road on the left and around the corner of Sage's Cave. she was going to get herself neutered .While she was there she got the DNA results back which would clarify why one of her pups was identical to that of her Rival Muffy buff. When she got the results she passed out cold as it turns out that muffy buff is her sister .This changes everything now.

... and know its time for... "Station Identification"!

Brought to you by .... Nature's Elong Your Dong Creme...(or lotion)





NOW ... Back to this boring story

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Little does anyone realize the true powers of the old sage. He can sense the future & knows of the death & destruction coming. The ladies fair, will soon need all there wiles to survive the terrible storms coming. Lady Betts will be swept away in a horrendous flood, while another remains in a parch'd sun baked land.

Sisters? Lady Betts and Muffy Buff? The news was earth shattering. Sisters!
Muffy looks at her seeking some kind of resemblance, Nothing , the two were nothing alike. They did have several things in common, such as their past lives as spies, notorious bar room floozies, men eating wild women, and owners of brothels and pole dancing clubs. They each had their own reality shows and both loved Clive aka Rico aka Dar es Balat.
Come Lady Betts, Muffy said, join me on my flying yacht, the Hieldenburger. We shall sail to another land where we can raise this last set of pups and together we will start another life. Somewhere no man will tear our family apart again. Hopefully Clive aka Rico aka Dar es Balat will see the error of his ways and come make restitution for the deeds he has done. He can have only one of us..Now is the time for him to choose.