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| Topic: Penalized For Being a Good Father | |
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 That will happen.. Kinda nice reading these forums though. Nice to know you arent the only one with headaches... I do appreciate the critisim. Helps you look at things from another perspective. Thanks Again! |
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My kids do live with me. Which makes me a bit strapped for time some weeks.  Have you tried dating any single moms? Havent met any yet.. Would definatley do it though! |
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be yourself. I see nothing wrong with your situation. there are women out there that would be happy to be with you. just keep looking Yes, there are a lot of single moms that would go out with a guy that has kids Me. 
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Women have the same problem. men dont like dating women with kids.
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My kids do live with me. Which makes me a bit strapped for time some weeks. Have you tried dating any single moms? Havent met any yet.. Would definatley do it though!  That may be the problem right there. Im sure you can see how being in a relationship with a guy with 4 kids could be a little overwhelming to a girl that doesnt have any kids. I dont think a single mother would have that problem
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That may be the problem right there. Im sure you can see how being in a relationship with a guy with 4 kids could be a little overwhelming to a girl that doesnt have any kids. I dont think a single mother would have that problem Point Taken! 
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Just a constructive suggestion?
First, make sure that you state that you have four kids that do live with you in your profile, you might now, but I haven't looked at it yet, sorry. Second, when you FIRST start talking to someone, mention again the fact of the children, and they are your first priority, and although you are not looking for a replacement mother, they have to understand that they need to be able to cope with them, and even if they don't come to love them as their own, you all come as a package deal. If you are talking to them for a while and they decide they can't handle that, there would be no need to even meet. I guess I don't understand why they would meet you knowing you had the kids, THEN decide they didn't want to continue, because of them? I would definately not meet someone right away though, try to build at least a little something online and over the phone BEFORE you actually meet. That way you can determine if they might really be serious, and can handle your situation. Talk a bit about them, your life together, things you do as a family, etc., but also discuss how someone coming into the mix can fit in and make everyone's life richer. Maybe (?) they feel as if they are walking into the situation and are going to be kind of ambushed by all these children and feel as if she will be expected to take over the mom role. For a lot of people, "men and women", it can be a little scary when the other person has children-the added resposibility, worry that others might see certain actions or behaviors as infringement or out of line, it could turn into a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing. But try to get the feel of the person pretty well before you even meet, that way no one will feel as if their time has been wasted. And...yes, maybe word things a little differently. JMO.
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Absolutley! Perfect point. Most of the women I have meet have been women I have approached or been st up with. I should have heeded the warnings of not leting your friends set me up to.. Slow learner sometimes..
 I do have something about my kids in the profile. I am new to this online dating thing too. MAybe it was a good step even if it was a bit out of character.
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I feel like if the woman can not understand you have kids and you are devoted to them, because you are not a deadbeat dad then she is not worth your time. Don't worry about it, because what if you did get involve with one of these women, you would have gotten so caught up into them that you would have neglect your kids for that woman and it can and it have happen. I am not saying you are a weak man or anything like that, but it takes one wrong person to mess your whole life up. You will be surprise of some of the things you through you will not do, because you are in the relationship with the wrong person. There are some great women out there that would love your kids as their own. I am learning everyday that dating is not that easy and I have two kids(18 & 12). Good luck.
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Kinda why this was more of a rant and complaining more then anything else. You guys and gals are the unfortunate victims of it.LOL.
I know what i need to do but it is also nice to have an outside perspective. I think better decisons are made when you see it through someone else eyes. Being that I am now residing in a community that is unfamiliar to me doesnt help either. I am 300 miles away from friends and family which may strain me a bit also. |
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Just a constructive suggestion? First, make sure that you state that you have four kids that do live with you in your profile, you might now, but I haven't looked at it yet, sorry. Second, when you FIRST start talking to someone, mention again the fact of the children, and they are your first priority, and although you are not looking for a replacement mother, they have to understand that they need to be able to cope with them, and even if they don't come to love them as their own, you all come as a package deal. If you are talking to them for a while and they decide they can't handle that, there would be no need to even meet. I guess I don't understand why they would meet you knowing you had the kids, THEN decide they didn't want to continue, because of them? I would definately not meet someone right away though, try to build at least a little something online and over the phone BEFORE you actually meet. That way you can determine if they might really be serious, and can handle your situation. Talk a bit about them, your life together, things you do as a family, etc., but also discuss how someone coming into the mix can fit in and make everyone's life richer. Maybe (?) they feel as if they are walking into the situation and are going to be kind of ambushed by all these children and feel as if she will be expected to take over the mom role. For a lot of people, "men and women", it can be a little scary when the other person has children-the added resposibility, worry that others might see certain actions or behaviors as infringement or out of line, it could turn into a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing. But try to get the feel of the person pretty well before you even meet, that way no one will feel as if their time has been wasted. And...yes, maybe word things a little differently. JMO. I am happy you said that, because that really help me out a lot. |
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That will happen.. Kinda nice reading these forums though. Nice to know you arent the only one with headaches... I do appreciate the critisim. Helps you look at things from another perspective. Thanks Again! You have a good tread and it help me out also. Thanks |
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see personally, I don't have a problem dating someone with kids. However, I would be quite unsure. Most times, people who already have kids, especially 4, don't want anymore. And that is a problem for me.
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see personally, I don't have a problem dating someone with kids. However, I would be quite unsure. Most times, people who already have kids, especially 4, don't want anymore. And that is a problem for me. Very true! I havent made a decission either way on kids... Guess it depends on the women. |
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Just a constructive suggestion? First, make sure that you state that you have four kids that do live with you in your profile, you might now, but I haven't looked at it yet, sorry. Second, when you FIRST start talking to someone, mention again the fact of the children, and they are your first priority, and although you are not looking for a replacement mother, they have to understand that they need to be able to cope with them, and even if they don't come to love them as their own, you all come as a package deal. If you are talking to them for a while and they decide they can't handle that, there would be no need to even meet. I guess I don't understand why they would meet you knowing you had the kids, THEN decide they didn't want to continue, because of them? I would definately not meet someone right away though, try to build at least a little something online and over the phone BEFORE you actually meet. That way you can determine if they might really be serious, and can handle your situation. Talk a bit about them, your life together, things you do as a family, etc., but also discuss how someone coming into the mix can fit in and make everyone's life richer. Maybe (?) they feel as if they are walking into the situation and are going to be kind of ambushed by all these children and feel as if she will be expected to take over the mom role. For a lot of people, "men and women", it can be a little scary when the other person has children-the added resposibility, worry that others might see certain actions or behaviors as infringement or out of line, it could turn into a damned if you do damned if you don't kind of thing. But try to get the feel of the person pretty well before you even meet, that way no one will feel as if their time has been wasted. And...yes, maybe word things a little differently. JMO. I am happy you said that, because that really help me out a lot. 
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And a lot of women out there who don't have kids, want kids. Maybe a single mother would be good for you?
But i think you should definately state in your profile a little piece about your children |
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see personally, I don't have a problem dating someone with kids. However, I would be quite unsure. Most times, people who already have kids, especially 4, don't want anymore. And that is a problem for me. Me either, I absolutely love kids. Other than my three, now 4 grandkids, and the gf's and bf's, there are usually anywhere between 1 and 7 other kids roaming around-all TEENS btw, lol, sometimes as many as 5-7 staying overnight. Most of them even call me mom, and although they love the fact that I'm really funny and nice to them, they respect the fact that I am also strict when needed. When they come here they know they are cared about and told they are loved, and they know that even if it's 4 in the morning if they need help they can call or come here, but, they also know they have to respect the house rules...and consequences. Some of them come from not so nice or safe situations, so they appreciate coming to a place they can feel happy, safe, loved and know they will get fed and have a place to stay if needed. Oh, just to clarify...the gkids are not from the teens...my oldest in her twenties is the one with them. |
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And a lot of women out there who don't have kids, want kids. Maybe a single mother would be good for you? But i think you should definately state in your profile a little piece about your children Yeah I checked the box on the kids but I will put in more detail |
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And a lot of women out there who don't have kids, want kids. Maybe a single mother would be good for you? But i think you should definately state in your profile a little piece about your children Yeah I checked the box on the kids but I will put in more detail Sorry, I meant detailed wise. How many people actually look at the last bit of someone's profile about drinking, smoking, etc? I only look at certain ones |
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And a lot of women out there who don't have kids, want kids. Maybe a single mother would be good for you? But i think you should definately state in your profile a little piece about your children Yeah I checked the box on the kids but I will put in more detail Sorry, I meant detailed wise. How many people actually look at the last bit of someone's profile about drinking, smoking, etc? I only look at certain ones Fixed it just for you... :D |
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