I don't know what happened to "just dating" either....but wherever it went is where I wanna go...

I have no idea either. I have the same issue. Its either get involved with someone right from the start or a one night stand. Its kinda annoying actually because I won't submit to either. Some day I'll find a date again.

I am still working on this one

Think of it from a man's point of view. He wants to know if his "investment" is going to pay off one way or the other.

He takes you out to dinner at least once a week for 6 weeks, pays and invests all the phone calls and energy to make you feel he is worthy and poof you are gone.

Where if he can get an idea if you are really interested or just sexually interested he knows the what to do next.

I think the solve all to this is to agree that your first few dates will be cost free. Gives you and him time to get to know each other with no cost involved for either of you except time. Then if things seem to be working well, look into going to a few places together that may cost a little.

I am still old fashioned so the first time we go out if he takes me somewhere that costs he is going to pay. If he doesn't, that will be all for him. So maybe we can go to the park or someplace where we can sit and visit without the pressure of cost.

Just some ideas from a woman who doesn't try to make it so hard on the men.

a "one night stand" is a temporary status.

The way a "date" becomes a "one night stand" is if you allow it to become one. One night stand would not exist if women and men would not go into it with the perfect knowledge, that it is going to be a "one night stand".

By the way, every type of meeting is a "one night stand" first, then it becomes more later. Now by the understanding of the "one night stand" being a guy or a woman who hangs out with a person the first time at one night.

This woman has us all figured out......lets run!

In all seriousness, I think you have nailed it on the head. Aces hun.

TM

Some people just expect too much. I once had a date with this guy and when he started crossing lines with me I politely rejected him and gave him a reasonable answer. He said he understood but I never heard from him again and he never returned my phone call.

Dates and miscommunication.. I want to share my philosophy with the guys in here..

I don't try to act "romantic".
I don't try to be nice, I take the lead.
I don't give her approval all the time, I don't react when she tries to test me, I don't give her attention every time she wants it.
I don't act over protective or overly dominating, but I do act with directness and confidence.

This is my mantra.. It gives me success, but sometimes it's hard work keeping the guard up :-)

I mostly agree with that. I'd much rather be able to establish a good friendship and see where it went. When you go on a typical date, there has to be monetary involvement. Nobody likes spending money on a useless cause. I would prefer doing something simple that doesn't involve any real investment until there is a definite emotional connection. A friendship is perfectly acceptable, a good foundation has to be established before you can do much else.

:~K

what happened just putting out?


now we've gotta buy candles,flowers,wine and a bunch of other crap.


what's the deal?

Ditto for the women...isn't that what EVERYONE is doing in this circumstance? Trying to sell themselves?

These poor men have more rules and regulations to live by!!

Just do your own thing. Be yourself
One nighters not your thing? Don't do it!!

Why are you attracting the types you don't like?

I don't think this is true at all. I think everyone should just be who they are, you should not have to prove yourself to anyone. Be you and if that person doesn't like you..then who cares! Why do men think that they have all the pressures? Women have just as much pressure on them on a first date!! BUT I think if you go in there with the attitude that you are going to be yourself and you are "worthy" and you have nothing to prove...then everything will be fine. I always go on a date just being me..if they don't want another date, their loss!!

I don't really think I need to prove I'm worthy of a next date. I shouldn't have to prove anything. I'm just myself. If they don't like that, oh well.

What happens when she wants to take the lead and plan a date, or something like that?

Can we have our 3rd date first?

Agreed...but you certainly want to show yourself in the best light possible while still being genuinely yourself, right? That's what men and women both want to do. I don't think this is a gender specific issue.

Sure. I just think that if someone is trying to prove themselves, they're probably trying a bit too hard.

Well, in all honesty...we don't want to wait, we've become impatient and lazy. And really, that goes for just about everyone not just guys. We have the internet to filter out people, and we can do it by dozens at a time, and we don't have to go through the emotional attachment and possible heartbreak down the road. It is easier, equals out to less pain in the long run, and at our finger tips.

We have to sell ourselves to the nearest one we are interested in, because inevitably it is a matter of time before they run off and be with someone else...chance missed. So when we do go out, we pay, we buy you things, or we go to the park and enjoy a nice night sky. Relationships have changed very little since the middle ages, except now we don't get as barbaic when we try to prove our devotion. Instead we open doors, walk you to your car, carry an umbrella over your head while we get wet, lend money when it is needed, and all around just try to do the best we can in order to have the possibility at a relationship later on.

And now we have the internet! Oh joy! We don't even have to bother with the emotional attachment of seeing them now! And chat lines?! The possibilities are endless, and yet here we sit...in front of the computer, opening up more on a web forum then we probably ever have in real life...why? Less attachment, chances are we won't meet a lot of the people we disclose things too, less worry.

I know why I'm single, I'm not pursuing anything at this point in time. Why are you single?