Did you ever know someone who wanted to project the image of being totally self-reliant and responsible and able to cope with anything and everything that comes up in life?

Well, I've run into a few of them. These are the people who basically just can't grasp the idea that there isn't anybody in the world who can handle absolutely every situation totally alone. Well, maybe Boris Karloff, but he's dead, so we can't ask him. Did you know his real name was William Henry Pratt? Had he kept that name, he could have been Prattenstein.

But for most of us, there comes a time when we have to put the imagery aside, put the ego back in the corn flakes box (what it was doing there in the first place is a subject for another post), and just say "Dammit, I need some help here."

I am reliably informed, by some of the world's leading people who like pretending they know stuff, that this is Not A Bad Thing® and that it's OK to acknowledge our own personal limitations.

So, earlier today, I was poodling around on the internet, looking at various dating sites I had never heard of. Why was I doing this? And well you may ask. Call it curiosity, call it masochism, call it anything you want. I wanted to get an idea of what's "out there," I suppose, since the pickings on the "usual suspect" sites have been pretty bleak.

But I have always said that the kind of person I'm looking for does not use dating sites. And I said that facetiously, at the time, or maybe not; but there WERE sites I hadn't looked at, so how would I really know?

OK, now I HAVE looked at them, and now I know.

Now, here's the problem: I don't know if this means that the kind of person I'm looking for doesn't use dating sites, or if it means that the kind of person I'm looking for no longer exists.

More information is required.

And this thing is too big for me to handle alone.

With that in mind, and because I'm too lazy to do my own thinking, I'm now soliciting ideas on how I should attempt to meet someone without using dating sites.

I was thinking of hiring a professional setter-upper, but do they still exist in this modern age of airplanes and microwave ovens? I don't know. I've never met one, as far as I know, but then I never really needed to before.

Or perhaps some sort of think tank, a group of the world's most brilliant minds, a consortium, if you will, of the planet's finest hookup experts, taking on a project so enormous, so massive, that not even NASA could build a Space Shuttle that wouldn't blow up 63% of the time.

What does it all mean?

It means -- I think, anyway -- that I'm done with having the same person stomp on my proverbial heart over and over, time after time, for no reason.

It's time to get past all that, and try to discover if there's actually someone out there that can handle being with an obscure writer, a reclusive hermit, with the attention span of a fruit fly, a self-confessed Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk who's hung up on spelling and grammar and if you mess up another apostrophe, I'm going to throw this box of corn flakes at you, grandma.

OK, I'm done now.

Sorry for the rant.

But that's what I do.

And I do it well.

Personal matchmakers do still exist. I knew a guy in my widow support group that hired one once. He was in a wheelchair and had difficulty finding someone. The matchmaker found a lady also in a wheelchair, and they are now dating.

Lex, I just read the last few words, and yes....yes you do.

Do you have a website? Get yourself a website if you don't have one, and use it to help you look for her. Kinda like your profile, but better. Even put up a contact form so she could e-mail you.

It wouldn't cost you anything and it's easy.

I don't know. You are kinda of a "selective" guy. Did you try to stay on longer in the other sites?

The movie "Hitch" comes to my mind. Don't know why. Btw: was really a movie about your predicament and sad to say there isn't a real character like that in the world.

I simply cannot believe it. I just read that LexFonteyne has admitted that he needs helps. Unfathomable.

I know -- it's creepy, ain't it?

Not at all. Endearing is more the word I would use. You are human after all.

Lilith.....Can Help!!!!!!!!!

Could it be that Lex has gotten the better of his cynicism and is actually admitting the possibility of there being someone( on THIS planet ) for him out there somewhere????

Say it isn't so!!!!

You are the only cynic I know that is actually eloquent enough to state the reasons for being cynical in the proper way.

Yer gonna leave the rest of us cynics hanging????

I would love to help you out, Lex, but unfortunately my expertise is in meeting women using dating sites. In the real world i am at least as useless as you are. Probably more so.

One thing i do know about you, is that you have a particular set of criteria that you wont budge on. Thats your perogative, but it does reduce your number of potential matches drastically. The difficulty for you is finding that one(or one of your ones anyway) amongst the gazillions of women out there. Its a numbers game for you, you need to meet a lot of women to find one suitable. We need to find a way for you to meet hoards(yes i said hoards, not anything else)...

...This is where my advice comes to an end. I have no idea how you meet that many women.

Speed dating? hmmmm..

Manage a womens netball team?

Get a job as a checkout boy?

I'll keep thinking, i will let you know if i come up with a decent idea. Dont hold your breath.

At this very moment I'm wishing I was a "granter of wishes".................

Not really -- my typical tenure on any site is about 3 months, which, by a strange coincidence, also happens to be about as long as I can normally stay in a relationship.

Or maybe it's not so strange -- maybe that's just the limit of how long my brain can cope with things....?

There HAVE been exceptions -- this site, a few relationships....but I'm not the most focused guy in the world.



Haven't seen that but it sounds like something I should watch....

(((Lex)))

Well heck if you find something that works, let me know will you.

I have tried just about everything myself.

"Poof" Nothing!

Since kidnapping is against the law,
I have no other ideas left.

And Lex... (opps I started a sentence with "And"- my bad)
even highly intellectual, narcistics need help once in awhile too.

I know, it's so pathetic. I feel like I need to take three showers now.

Well..the way I see it...We can be hopeful AND cynical at the same time.

Lex, how about googling "Mensa and dating?" I am sure your chances of finding someone intellectually compatible would be better than on other sites.

I have a friend who has offered to set up a website for me (it would be good for posting info about the books and stuff, anyway) but she's just been swamped at work lately and hasn't had the time. I personally like the idea of having a website, but other than writing stuff for it, I wouldn't know how to do much.

There is the Millionaire Matchmaker, but she charges $25,000 to join her club and you "have" to be a millionaire to join (for her to find you a date), so that leaves us out.

Will have to think on this for a bit.

But she isn't on today