Did you ever know someone who wanted to project the image of being totally self-reliant and responsible and able to cope with anything and everything that comes up in life?

Well, I've run into a few of them. These are the people who basically just can't grasp the idea that there isn't anybody in the world who can handle absolutely every situation totally alone. Well, maybe Boris Karloff, but he's dead, so we can't ask him. Did you know his real name was William Henry Pratt? Had he kept that name, he could have been Prattenstein.

But for most of us, there comes a time when we have to put the imagery aside, put the ego back in the corn flakes box (what it was doing there in the first place is a subject for another post), and just say "Dammit, I need some help here."

I am reliably informed, by some of the world's leading people who like pretending they know stuff, that this is Not A Bad Thing® and that it's OK to acknowledge our own personal limitations.

So, earlier today, I was poodling around on the internet, looking at various dating sites I had never heard of. Why was I doing this? And well you may ask. Call it curiosity, call it masochism, call it anything you want. I wanted to get an idea of what's "out there," I suppose, since the pickings on the "usual suspect" sites have been pretty bleak.

But I have always said that the kind of person I'm looking for does not use dating sites. And I said that facetiously, at the time, or maybe not; but there WERE sites I hadn't looked at, so how would I really know?

OK, now I HAVE looked at them, and now I know.

Now, here's the problem: I don't know if this means that the kind of person I'm looking for doesn't use dating sites, or if it means that the kind of person I'm looking for no longer exists.

More information is required.

And this thing is too big for me to handle alone.

With that in mind, and because I'm too lazy to do my own thinking, I'm now soliciting ideas on how I should attempt to meet someone without using dating sites.

I was thinking of hiring a professional setter-upper, but do they still exist in this modern age of airplanes and microwave ovens? I don't know. I've never met one, as far as I know, but then I never really needed to before.

Or perhaps some sort of think tank, a group of the world's most brilliant minds, a consortium, if you will, of the planet's finest hookup experts, taking on a project so enormous, so massive, that not even NASA could build a Space Shuttle that wouldn't blow up 63% of the time.

What does it all mean?

It means -- I think, anyway -- that I'm done with having the same person stomp on my proverbial heart over and over, time after time, for no reason.

It's time to get past all that, and try to discover if there's actually someone out there that can handle being with an obscure writer, a reclusive hermit, with the attention span of a fruit fly, a self-confessed Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk who's hung up on spelling and grammar and if you mess up another apostrophe, I'm going to throw this box of corn flakes at you, grandma.

OK, I'm done now.

Sorry for the rant.

But that's what I do.

And I do it well.

Did you ever know someone who wanted to project the image of being totally self-reliant and responsible and able to cope with anything and everything that comes up in life?

Well, I've run into a few of them. These are the people who basically just can't grasp the idea that there isn't anybody in the world who can handle absolutely every situation totally alone. Well, maybe Boris Karloff, but he's dead, so we can't ask him. Did you know his real name was William Henry Pratt? Had he kept that name, he could have been Prattenstein.

But for most of us, there comes a time when we have to put the imagery aside, put the ego back in the corn flakes box (what it was doing there in the first place is a subject for another post), and just say "Dammit, I need some help here."

I am reliably informed, by some of the world's leading people who like pretending they know stuff, that this is Not A Bad Thing® and that it's OK to acknowledge our own personal limitations.

So, earlier today, I was poodling around on the internet, looking at various dating sites I had never heard of. Why was I doing this? And well you may ask. Call it curiosity, call it masochism, call it anything you want. I wanted to get an idea of what's "out there," I suppose, since the pickings on the "usual suspect" sites have been pretty bleak.

But I have always said that the kind of person I'm looking for does not use dating sites. And I said that facetiously, at the time, or maybe not; but there WERE sites I hadn't looked at, so how would I really know?

OK, now I HAVE looked at them, and now I know.

Now, here's the problem: I don't know if this means that the kind of person I'm looking for doesn't use dating sites, or if it means that the kind of person I'm looking for no longer exists.

More information is required.

And this thing is too big for me to handle alone.

With that in mind, and because I'm too lazy to do my own thinking, I'm now soliciting ideas on how I should attempt to meet someone without using dating sites.

I was thinking of hiring a professional setter-upper, but do they still exist in this modern age of airplanes and microwave ovens? I don't know. I've never met one, as far as I know, but then I never really needed to before.

Or perhaps some sort of think tank, a group of the world's most brilliant minds, a consortium, if you will, of the planet's finest hookup experts, taking on a project so enormous, so massive, that not even NASA could build a Space Shuttle that wouldn't blow up 63% of the time.

What does it all mean?

It means -- I think, anyway -- that I'm done with having the same person stomp on my proverbial heart over and over, time after time, for no reason.

It's time to get past all that, and try to discover if there's actually someone out there that can handle being with an obscure writer, a reclusive hermit, with the attention span of a fruit fly, a self-confessed Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk who's hung up on spelling and grammar and if you mess up another apostrophe, I'm going to throw this box of corn flakes at you, grandma.

OK, I'm done now.

Sorry for the rant.

But that's what I do.

And I do it well.

I simply cannot believe it. I just read that LexFonteyne has admitted that he needs helps. Unfathomable.

I know -- it's creepy, ain't it?

I don't know. You are kinda of a "selective" guy. Did you try to stay on longer in the other sites?

The movie "Hitch" comes to my mind. Don't know why. Btw: was really a movie about your predicament and sad to say there isn't a real character like that in the world.

Could it be that Lex has gotten the better of his cynicism and is actually admitting the possibility of there being someone( on THIS planet ) for him out there somewhere????

I know, it's so pathetic. I feel like I need to take three showers now.

Do you have a website? Get yourself a website if you don't have one, and use it to help you look for her. Kinda like your profile, but better. Even put up a contact form so she could e-mail you.

It wouldn't cost you anything and it's easy.

Lilith.....Can Help!!!!!!!!!