I wish I had a solution for you but at this moment all that comes to mind is your chit out of luck.....

But............hey look at it this way you have several in the same boat with you. Not that is very comforting.

I haven't really changed my mind about what I want -- I've just come to the conclusion that the person I've been thinking of as WHO I want is a dead end and no longer worth waiting for. She'll be back -- this is practically a certainty unless she never has another problem in her life -- but she'll hang around long enough for me to fix it, feigning love and adoration the whole time, and then take off again once the problem has been solved.

The issue then becomes how do I go about finding someone with her qualities (intelligence, creativity, communications skills, etc.) who isn't going to use me as a fix-it guy and nothing more?



Well, I still have no interest in being a goat. I have no interest in drinking or having kids or using drugs or joining an organized religion or any of that stuff. Not of that has changed. I won't be domesticated.



But I'm fine with the idea of a relationship, as long as it doesn't involve the ubiquitous domestication agenda.

I don't see myself ever getting married again -- that's a no-brainer (double entendre, there) -- but I'd like to find someone with some long-term potential.



No joke, just a lingering and growing sense of dissatisfaction with the way things are. It would be nice to have someone to care about.

I think the only realistic thing to do is find someone local who is well-connected, someone who might just know someone who is the type I'd be interested in.

I just have no idea how to go about it.

Lex, what is it you mean exactly by 'domesticated'?

The orignal derivation comes from Nietzsche's characterization of "modern Europeans" (in the sense of the 1880s) as "herd animals."

I've noticed, more and more, that this mentality pervades dating sites, as well. People aren't looking for anything unique or original or thought-provoking -- they want the same old "Ideal life" that's been foisted off on us for generations -- get married, have kids, work a boring job, get drunk on the weekends -- basically, live your life according to the "script" that's been so thoughtfully provided by the people who realized, long ago, that domesticated animals are much easier to control.

I see "domestication" as an attempt to bring me "in line" with what the standard agenda stipulates. And it's not for me -- I've dabbled enough to know that. I was married once, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I can't imagine doing something like that again.

I try to make sure that anyone who might get involved with me is well aware of my position on this stuff. Most of the people I've been involved with tend to be OK with it at first; but after a few months, the domesticatrix starts to appear. It goes from her saying "I love everything about you" to "I have to CHANGE everything about you." In three months or less, or your money back.

I think you make it plain enough to everyone that marriage and kids are not going to be on your agenda, so you'd hope that any woman would be happy with that if they were to get into a relationship with you. But you cant stop anyone from desiring some things still.

What im thinking, is that you are possibly restricting yourself if you only want a woman that has decided as you have not to get married or have kids. There ARE women out there that would like to do these things but would be happy not to still, to be in a relationship with you.

I think your past experiences tell you differently. Of course you need to learn from your own past experiences, but also you have only experienced a TINY amount of women, in the scheme of things.

A certain amount of domestication is inevitable in a relationship. Im not sure that there cant be ANY. But the big things like kids and marriage, you have complete control over, if you take control.

It wouldn't be neccesary to take an aspirin either but I tried to read all of the original post.



Don't Panic!

But I think there is a hole in the boat!!
Taking on water fast and sinking.

3333

And I don't have any issues with that.

What I have an issue with is when they start out claiming not to have any interest in domesticating me, and then they turn around 3 months into the relationship and begin the domestication attempts anyway.

Why even get involved in the first place?

And yet, this is pretty much what always happens.

I get inundated with stuff like "You just need to give it a chance, I know you would really like it." No -- no, I wouldn't. I've seen enough to know that. I've had my toe in the water far enough to know that the temperature of THAT pool is all wrong for me. I've watched friends, learned from their experiences.

Over and above all that, I have to admit I don't understand the whole point of it. I don't understand how or why anyone would want to live like that. People tell me, "Oh, there are great rewards!" but when you ask them to be specific, they start muttering the same archaic platitudes my mother told me when I was a kid, or they look down at their feet and struggle to come up with something.

One of the things that took me a long time to realize was that my parents never should have had kids. They were totally incapable of raising children in any sort of reasonable manner -- but they didn't think about that, because having kids wasn't something you thought about, it was just something you did because that's what everyone does, and that's what everyone is supposed to do.

But why?

See, I recognize the potential that I would be just as bad of a father as my father was. And I can't stand the thought of being that kind of person. There are already enough screwed-up people in the world without my contributing more victims to the total.



You would think so, but my experience says otherwise. There is a certain aura of inevitability around it -- for most people. it's not "If I have kids...." it's "When I have kids." Even if it's not something they see for themselves as an immediate prospect, it seems that they have latched onto the idea that this is something that's going to happen sometime, that they really have no say in it, it's just something that has to be done.

As Apu once said, on the Simpsons, when asked if he and Manjula had considered having kids: "I have noticed that the planet is dangerously underpopulated." (And they wound up having octuplets.)



In the sense of a committed relationship between two people, yes, a certain amount of domestication is necessary. But once it involves living a life dictated (however subtly) by someone or something else, a life where thought and creativity are tossed aside in order to be more compliant to blind biology and tradition, I want no part of it.

This is 911, what is the problem there??

All I said is, Lex, please take the garbage out before you write your book. He stomped off to his room, and has been writing for three weeks straight. He just took an axe to the bathroom door, stuck his head in and said,...."I'm Home"

I'm sure that is not what you are talking about as far as domestication, but I am just wondering what or where is the point that it gets too much for you to handle domestication in a relationship?

Where is that #*&%#@ Checkout Lady? I just wanna pay for my aspirin and go.




Don't Panic?

I think "check out girl" is in my Mutual Match....

Well tell her to ring me up so I can pay for these aspirin and take one





Don't Panic!

Lex ,I wish I had something smart and insightful to say


but -as usual.... I... uhhhhh....don't


Your fan club is still alive and thriving tho....

mutually aprreciating ya!

When the "I think we should settle down and raise a family" blatherings come up. That's the reddest of red flags for me.

"Settle down" is something cereal does in a box during shipment.

Have you ever considered a vasectomy?

What makes you think I haven't already had one?

Just the way you foresee a woman eventually demanding kids as being an issue. If you have had one it cant possibly be an issue, can it?

Well, that's not an issue for me -- but it is for them. Almost always. They can demand all they want. But they don't seem to be able to hear and comprehend the words "I am physically incapable of getting you pregnant."

Well im all out of ideas then!

Maybe you should go for a full castration, that should make them realise!

Are you averse to casually dating, even if it's not a girl who has everything, and all, that you desire? To just 'date' for the company, without it leading into anything at all?

Are you finacially able to travel? Some places are geared towards singles.

How about the parties or get togethers that some of these dating sites offer that are close to home? I know that the bar scene isn't your style, but there may be women there who are just looking because there isn't any other option, and might not be drinkers, or partiers.