evreyone has at one time. all you can do is try to learn from it and try again

he wasn't married or seeing someone else. he lied about other things. and honestly, i think in the beginning, he might have just wanted in my pants. i didn't let him in them, then he actually LIKED me and couldn't take the lies back that he told in the first place to impress me. does that make sense?

I think most of us have been played for want of a better word. I am so sorry you have been hurt.
Its so hard when you open up your heart too someone and they let you down, but i have learnt too never carry the negative energy with me, its a great way too let it go in these forums, but try too move on and embrace the fact that you still have loads of lovely guys out there too meet.
I also try too forgive the person. i have just recently been let down but i don,t hold a grudge towards him hes a lovely guy and i wish him all the best in the world,
Sometimes who we think are the one just don,t feel the same xx

OP, it doesn't sound to me like you did anything wrong. And I don't think five months is too soon to be in love with someone and feel like they are "the one". I knew what you meant about him being your "everything", I didn't read too much into that. You made him a priority and put all you had into the relationship. At least you won't have any regrets there.

The thing about being our age is, we've all had enough life experiences to have been really hurt a time or two and to be a little jaded about things sometimes. I think that's why some of the older men (not all) might lie about certain things. It's a defense mechanism, a guard up to prevent themselves from being hurt again. I know a few divorced men who have told me flat out that they will NEVER let themselves fall in love again because they were so hurt in their divorce.

I'm sorry you got hurt, it's a really difficult thing to go through. But you learned something from it and you can use that to help you find the right person. I wish you the best, and I hope you feel better soon.

That is not a good statement. You see if you foster on the belief forever, then when you do find your potential "everything", you will absolutely dismiss the person on the basis of the fear that it is conceivably not true.

i love everything you say. i'm in a hurry right now ready to take the kids to school, but i'll write more later. i just wanted to say one thing. he was a younger guy. and that could have a whole lot to do with it. unfortunately. i'm not trying to stereotype. it's just the whole worldly experience thing. i'll write more later on this.

ok. now that i have a minute. that's the thing. about being jaded. i've been jaded a lot for the past several years. i never was able to trust a man. always kept my heart tucked away and not wanting to let it go. afraid of being hurt again. last time i was hurt, i actually was the one doing the hurting. i was the one that left. but i think that made the decision that much more difficult. so this time, when i finally DID have trust in someone and let little pieces of my heart out at a time, it just really stinks to find out they were not what i thought. as for my everything, you hit the nail right on the head with the way you described that. i did put everything i had in to the relationship. as for priority, well i have children. no one takes priority over them, but i balanced it very well. as good as a person possibly could. and you're right. i do not have regrets. i did nothing wrong. you're absolutely right. it's not my fault at all. fortunately, i'm a very open minded person and i can see and admit when i DID in fact do something wrong. but this time, i'm not the one. you have a good way of putting your thoughts down in words. thank you for that.

now to reply to the post before yours from crystel. i also agree with you. i won't be carrying the negative energy with me. and these forums ARE a good way to get it out. i won't be bogging my friends down talking about this guy over and over and they won't get sick of it (or my family). most people will see me in the real world and know that i am dealing with this quite well. i am hurt and i won't lie about that. but at the same time, we were together for five months, not five years. it won't take that much time to heal. there are positive things that have come out of this whole situation. i have learned after all these years that it is possible for me to let my heart go and trust in someone. the odds that i'll get played again are slim. i have learned that i am capable of giving it my all and really going for it. i also learned not to get my children involved with someone so quickly. my older two understand. but my 9 year old, well he's going to miss this guy. but he loves his mom more than any man and just wants me happy i am sure of that.

i guess the biggest thing of all of this, though, is that i don't need a man in my life. i have proven that to myself over and over. there are so many things that women can do for themselves and really make it in the world. but i really WANT the right one. so when i thought i found him finally, that's what hurts the most i think. but as you said... there are so many lovely men out there to meet! and as a matter of fact, i have some nerve damage in my neck right now and can't do a whole lot, but as soon as i get that cleared up, i already am going to get back out there and date. i have more confidence now that i am able to give to a man what he deserves. another positive out of this whole situation. i am capable! thank God!

thanks to all for your replies. the insight and unbiased opinions are really appreciated!

you make a very good point.

yep, all gone

Ive had it happen to me as well. The only advice is to not involve your children in your affairs too soon. They get attached.

guerilla pimpin indeed

i think we all been played

Ya I get played all the time. Why do they assume I'm not smart enough to figure out what they are doing?

Because of your series of cases of you being played? Quite obvious.

I waited 2 years before opening up to someone after a bad relationship. That someone became my husband who cheated on me & left me alone with our 3 year old daughter. I still believe there are good guys out there, but I have yet to find one in the past 3 years. I don't think I'll open up to another man again. My husband ( we are separated) has completely broken my spirit & crushed my heart.

Oh no, I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. I am separated from my husband of twelve years, and when he first told me he didn't love me anymore (and all the other cruel things he added along with it), I was crushed and my self esteem was in shreds. I didn't think any man would ever want me again. It takes a lot of time, and learning to love yourself again.

I hope that you do get to a place where you are comfortable opening up your heart again. Love is amazing, and I think it's worth going through the bad times in order to experience the wonderful times.

YEPPERS A LOT....

Funny thing is I can spot a player and faulty ba$tard a mile away when it comes to friends and family but when it comes to myself I get blinded so often even though all the signs are present....we are all guilty of it at times.....it's a work in process

I'm sorry you're having a rough time :(

I've been there. I think we all have at some point. Even at multiple points. And even have probably done it to others, even if we weren't aware we were doing it at the time. It sucks, but it happens.

I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't think you moved too fast (from what you've said) and I don't think you could have done anything differently to prevent such an outcome with this guy. It's all on him.

Don't look at this in a "I opened my heart and look what happened" sort of way. Look at it in a "I have the ability to open my heart, knowing it may not end the way that I'd like, and I can survive if it doesn't".

Uhh YEP and after that, i made a rule to not extend myself any further than someone else does in a relationship.

One thing that I want to touch on, that someone else said and that I COMPLETELY disagree with, is waiting a year to introduce your children to the man you're involved with. As a mother, I find that impossible. I can't keep those two worlds separate. I just can't. I don't know how I could let myself get that close to a man that I'd stay with him for an entire year, yet not let him in on such a huge huge HUGE part of my life (my kids). It just seems completely counter productive. I wouldn't be able to develop a solid, lasting relationship with someone while keeping my family hidden away.

Further, if the man doesn't have children himself, he's just not going to ever learn to accept life with mine if I make him wait an entire year, or close to it. He would get used to our time spent just the two of us, and when it came time to incorporate my kids, it'd be a big shock and I wouldn't blame him for having a hard time adjusting. He'd fall in love with ME not US, and while I don't want/need a father figure for my children (they already have that), we do come as a package deal. Gotta understand that an afternoon at the park or Chuck E Cheese's is what you do for fun when you have kids. And you can't just pick up and go whenever you want.

I've dated a lot as a single mom. My biggest rule is that they don't get to meet until we're in an exclusive relationship, not just "dating". And when they do meet, I prefer it to be in a kind of neutral place, like a park or a restaurant. I try to keep overnight stays (him staying over) for the nights when I'm on my own for a while, even after they've met and become comfortable with one another. I never ask or expect the guy to do anything for them... No diaper changing, no filling up a sippy, nothing like what daddy would do. And I make sure he very clearly knows he's never to refer to himself as daddy.