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| Topic: Does this make me a bad person? | |
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 I can't say anything that is better than this. You forgive for you, not for them. I don't know how to forgive someone without saying they were right to do what they did. Forgiving someone does not mean you accept what they did as okay.. it simply means you accept that they are human and will make mistakes... as bad as they can be sometimes. It also doesn't mean you have to be their friend or even like them. |
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"I don't know how to forgive someone without saying they were right to do what they did." Forgiveness doesn't mean that one is saying that they are right - not even close. I know, but I don't know why or how. I feel like there's a book I should read or something. |
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 Duh. Because it's NOT about them.... it's not about them. It's not about them. Keep repeating it. Then go ask your psychologist why it's not about them if you still don't get it. |
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Edited by
Jill298
on
Wed 04/29/09 12:36 PM
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I don't know how to forgive someone without saying they were right to do what they did. Forgiving someone for what they have done does not equal saying it's OK. If it was right to begin with, there would be no need of forgivness. You forgive someone for their MISTAKES. For something that have done wrong to you. It's so you can let go and not harbor bad feelings and hatred and you can move on with your life. |
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Your choice, you dont have a choice who your relatives are but you do have the choice to have them in your life or not. So are you a bad person? NAH
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Amen to that one good one girl. Besides to forgive does not mean to forget it is only the first step in realizing your a better person then they are!! 
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If I don't speak to any of my living relatives, does that make me a bad person? Or is that ok?  I try to avoid my relatives as much as possible
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You know now may be hard for you to understand the point we are making but within time and age you will realize what we mean by the words we say.....
I wish you only the best of luck within this journey that only you can decide on what to do. May you find the peace that you seek within. 
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Believe me just because I have forgave others in the past they are not always within my life today. Many remain in the past where they need to be but by forgiving them I was in fact able to move on and let the hate go.
Hate and the the ability to forgive will only eat at you and keep you from finding the calm and to realize that they are not worthy of your love or trust or maybe even friendship. There is nothing wrong leaving those behind that took those things away from you. What is wrong is to not be able to forgive in order to move on in life.... |
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Duh. Because it's NOT about them.... it's not about them. It's not about them. Keep repeating it. Then go ask your psychologist why it's not about them if you still don't get it. Your posts always seem to have that intellectual superiority tone. It annoys me, and forces rejection out of hand of whatever it is you are trying to say. |
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I speak to very few of my relations.
I don'tgo where not wanted. But when they NEED, "OHHHH DON!" |
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Believe me just because I have forgave others in the past they are not always within my life today. Many remain in the past where they need to be but by forgiving them I was in fact able to move on and let the hate go. Hate and the the ability to forgive will only eat at you and keep you from finding the calm and to realize that they are not worthy of your love or trust or maybe even friendship. There is nothing wrong leaving those behind that took those things away from you. What is wrong is to not be able to forgive in order to move on in life.... Letting go of hate... I know I could, but that is not the issue at the moment. Have you seen the tv show House MD? His hatred and misery are the things that drive him to solve problems for other people. That hate and misery is the only thing that makes him capable. I believe that to be a very, very good programmer, you must have at least some hate and misery. The task involves thousands of hours of intense focus with no positive reward for work beyond a paycheck. Other programmers function on peer support - as in the open source community. They rely on encouragement given in IRC channels from other programmers for the pieces of code they write. It helps them get stuff done, but is not always productive. With the things I have in my head now, I believe I can do some operating system level stuff that no one has worked on in a long, long time - the kind of fundamental stuff our systems are based on that have not changed in 20 years. If I can, it will simplify the horrifying mess that computer software has become. So why not use it? I've survived this long, and I might as well use it for something good. I can't really miss what I've never had anyway, so it's not a hard choice for me. sorry for the rant >< |
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Believe me just because I have forgave others in the past they are not always within my life today. Many remain in the past where they need to be but by forgiving them I was in fact able to move on and let the hate go. Hate and the the ability to forgive will only eat at you and keep you from finding the calm and to realize that they are not worthy of your love or trust or maybe even friendship. There is nothing wrong leaving those behind that took those things away from you. What is wrong is to not be able to forgive in order to move on in life.... Letting go of hate... I know I could, but that is not the issue at the moment. Have you seen the tv show House MD? His hatred and misery are the things that drive him to solve problems for other people. That hate and misery is the only thing that makes him capable. I believe that to be a very, very good programmer, you must have at least some hate and misery. The task involves thousands of hours of intense focus with no positive reward for work beyond a paycheck. Other programmers function on peer support - as in the open source community. They rely on encouragement given in IRC channels from other programmers for the pieces of code they write. It helps them get stuff done, but is not always productive. With the things I have in my head now, I believe I can do some operating system level stuff that no one has worked on in a long, long time - the kind of fundamental stuff our systems are based on that have not changed in 20 years. If I can, it will simplify the horrifying mess that computer software has become. So why not use it? I've survived this long, and I might as well use it for something good. I can't really miss what I've never had anyway, so it's not a hard choice for me. sorry for the rant >< just my opinion - but I highly doubt having all these negative feelings cannot be healthy - my advice would be to eliminate the negative, put things in perspective, focus on the positive, make and reach your goals and know you and only you are going to get you where you want to be. Good luck, so if it were me, I'd drop the excess baggage  |
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Edited by
Mr_Music
on
Wed 04/29/09 01:59 PM
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The psychologist is calling it ptsd. Well, of COURSE they are!  Those idiots have to have a "disorder" or a "syndrome" for EVERY-frickin'-thing these days. Nobody is allowed to just plain "be sick" anymore. Thanks a lot, insurance companies.
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Wed 04/29/09 02:05 PM
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I believe that to be a very, very good programmer, you must have at least some hate and misery. That is not an acceptable trade off. Life is far too short to spend any of it being miserable and hateful. However, based on my observations, many people embrace their misery. Personally, I choose not to be around such individuals. |
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The psychologist is calling it ptsd. Well, of COURSE they are! Those idiots have to have a "disorder" or a "syndrome" for EVERY-frickin'-thing these days. Nobody is allowed to just plain "be sick" anymore. Thanks a lot, insurance companies. There is a big difference in mental health between ptsd and other conditions. ptsd is chronic overstimulation from anticipated violence. that's why soldiers get it - ptsd is a survival trait. people without ptsd just think the soldiers are high strung or nervous. in war it saves lives to be ptsd. in peace it is hell - because you can't relax like everyone around you. anyway, we need names for different stuff. some medications for depression would make someone with ptsd psychotic. |
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I believe that to be a very, very good programmer, you must have at least some hate and misery. That is not an acceptable trade off. Life is far too short to spend any of it being miserable and hateful. However, based on my observations, many people embrace their misery. Personally, I choose not to be around such individuals. I think that for most people this is a bad idea. It's not like a way of life or anything. I don't think anyone should have to be like this. But since I'm here already, I might as well use it to do something good. I've had 25 years of boot camp. I'm sure as hell not going to waste all that crappy hardship. |
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Edited by
shellymc
on
Wed 04/29/09 03:05 PM
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i kinda felt like that five years ago i never wanted to talk to anyone in my family for all the things that were said and done mostly from my mom , i wrote everything i felt i had been done wrong about in a letter than sealed it and threw it away ,,for me it was getting it off my chest forgiving it all so i could be a better person and i felt so much better about me about life in general and being honest now my mom is someone i talk to everyday ..but good luck i feel you its a long road ...
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