Topic: An ex who hasn't moved on.
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Wed 03/25/09 09:26 PM
Okay I'm going to make a really long and boring story short.

I was with this guy for three years then things kind of turned into a very close friendship (lost the physical stuff). I've moved 3 hours away but occasionally visit (bout twice a month) and I do stay at his place HOWEVER I've straight up told him there's things he has to change (no i'm not being shallow or materialistic) before we ever consider going back where we were.

That was a year ago and he hasn't made any progress so I've moved on and I'm dating other guys now. He still sends me "i love you" texts, says it before we hang up, and believes that eventually we'll end up together (in a forever kind of way). I do "love" him but in that best friend kind of way.

He knows I'm dating... Not to mention his mom just died and I'm really the only person is his life he trusts sooo how do I let him know I've moved on? I don't want to break his heart I just don't want to lead him on, even though I'm not intentionally doing anything to do so, I think I just haven't been completely direct enough yet. Any suggestions?

Tried to make it as short as I could :)


romee's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:33 PM
be honest and tell him the truth! it will save him from alot of pain in the future ,i respect honest women.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:35 PM
Oh if you only knew me haha I'm probably too honest for my own good. I think I'm just trying to protect him specially after his loss.

romee's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:40 PM
i'm very sorry to hear that about his lost. you just like me people tell me i'm very honest to but like i said tell him it's the best thing for him to know so he can move on also.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:42 PM
You cannot control how he feels about you, you can only let him know that those feeling are not reciprocated and make sure he understands.

I am still in love with a woman that does not love me anymore, I understood and even if it hurts I moved on, I hope he will understand and move on to. If not then you'll have to end the relation completely for his and your own good.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:44 PM
I know that I'm not *making* him still <3 me, it's just really difficult to explain to the person/people I'm dating. Guys don't usually take well to the whole baggage thing haha

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Wed 03/25/09 09:47 PM
Now may not be the time to do it,but shortly you need to stop staying at his house.He figure's that if he can get you to stay at his house,he's still got a chance to get you back.Like a drug,just cut it off....might suck at first,but you eventually move on.

Johncenawlife316's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:48 PM
All I can say is if he doesn't already understand.. then maybe you should let him off easy. Sure he just reasonly lost his mom and all but I'm sure he will find a way to move on. All you can do if you can't find the right words is write it down and tell him in a letter maybe that isn't the best idea but none the less it beats not telling him at all. I mean he has to know you moved on by you dating other guys etc, if not he's pretty dumb or just right out down because of his reason lost which is understandable.

Whatever you do you should let him know sooner then later, so he has a better understanding. Just tell him you love to be friends still but your no longer in love with him and do not want noting more then friends and if that isn't good enough then not sure what else to say.

Maybe what makes him think your still gonna end up with him is because you still live with him inless you moved out, which from what I understood you only said you moved on not out of his place.

Whatever you do hope it works out for you.

RainbowTrout's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:48 PM
Probably will let someone else protect him or maybe he will be able to protect himself. Grief and separation is a double whammy. He would be a red flag in my book. He needs help but not from you.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:50 PM
Oh no no I never lived at his place, we did live together for a very long 8 months, but no I stay at his place because my girlfriends now all have kids and I'd rather stay where I can actually sleep :)

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Wed 03/25/09 09:50 PM

Probably will let someone else protect him or maybe he will be able to protect himself. Grief and separation is a double whammy. He would be a red flag in my book. He needs help but not from you.


What do you mean a red flag? As far as the situation a girl is in when you first date her?

RainbowTrout's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:53 PM
By red flag I mean that any help you give him would be enabling him not to be able to break it off with you like you would have to break it off with him.

Johncenawlife316's photo
Wed 03/25/09 09:54 PM
Edited by Johncenawlife316 on Wed 03/25/09 09:55 PM
Sorry I guess I misunderstood you on that part of living with him and just hanging out at his place etc.

So if you have the money or whatever, why not get a place of your own if you don't have one then you can be free of him and the stress going with the whole thing.

Dunno.. unless it's working out just hanging out at his place well that's up to you.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:54 PM

Oh no no I never lived at his place, we did live together for a very long 8 months, but no I stay at his place because my girlfriends now all have kids and I'd rather stay where I can actually sleep :)



Thats what i mean,your sleeping at his place.You might have your own reasons why that makes sense,to him it means something else to him.He cant move on,till you move on.Still being freinds is 1 thing,staying at his place is another.

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Wed 03/25/09 09:57 PM
Edited by xdreamangel on Wed 03/25/09 09:57 PM

Sorry I guess I misunderstood you on that part of living with him and just hanging out at his place etc.

So if you have the money or whatever, why not get a place of your own if you don't have one then you can be free of him and the stress going with the whole thing.

Dunno.. unless it's working out just hanging out at his place well that's up to you.


No no... He lives in my hometown (3 hours away) so when I go back to see my friends/sisters and I stay at his place.

Johncenawlife316's photo
Wed 03/25/09 10:15 PM


Sorry I guess I misunderstood you on that part of living with him and just hanging out at his place etc.

So if you have the money or whatever, why not get a place of your own if you don't have one then you can be free of him and the stress going with the whole thing.

Dunno.. unless it's working out just hanging out at his place well that's up to you.


No no... He lives in my hometown (3 hours away) so when I go back to see my friends/sisters and I stay at his place.


oooh ok, sorry got confused there from how you where telling the whole thing.

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Wed 03/25/09 10:16 PM



Sorry I guess I misunderstood you on that part of living with him and just hanging out at his place etc.

So if you have the money or whatever, why not get a place of your own if you don't have one then you can be free of him and the stress going with the whole thing.

Dunno.. unless it's working out just hanging out at his place well that's up to you.


No no... He lives in my hometown (3 hours away) so when I go back to see my friends/sisters and I stay at his place.


oooh ok, sorry got confused there from how you where telling the whole thing.


Ooops (: make more sense now?

Adamal29's photo
Wed 03/25/09 10:44 PM
I would cut it off completely. That is the only way I would be able to get over a girl. If she just quit talking to me, at least for a really long time I would get the hint. Staying at his place just confuses things. By the way, I live in MI :wink:

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Wed 03/25/09 10:59 PM

I would cut it off completely. That is the only way I would be able to get over a girl. If she just quit talking to me, at least for a really long time I would get the hint. Staying at his place just confuses things. By the way, I live in MI :wink:


Impossible to be friends?

Adamal29's photo
Wed 03/25/09 11:04 PM


I would cut it off completely. That is the only way I would be able to get over a girl. If she just quit talking to me, at least for a really long time I would get the hint. Staying at his place just confuses things. By the way, I live in MI :wink:


Impossible to be friends?
not impossible...but he has to feel that way too. 9 times out of ten the friend thing would torture the guy.