What can I do so that he can stop being so jealous?

We have been together almost a year annd a half, with some unofficial time before that about six months...

In 07 we were on a break and I dated someone he really didn't like, and that has basically been the source of his having problems with me being friends with males.

I can't invite them to our house, and I can't go over to theirs either. If I do see them, I have to not tell him I did because I get questioned a lot.

I haven't been unfaithful to him, nor given him a reason to think I have, because basically, I have no more friends now. I never have time between him and work to really keep up a relationship with friends, so now basically the only way I talk to them is online. He checks my cell phone for text messages when the urge strikes him, and I have to explain whatever he finds.

He doesn't get mad, he just gets silent when something disagrees with his definition of how males and females should be friends. It really bothers me because some of these friends I have known longer than I've known him. I don't feel it's fair.

I've tried to tell him that he really should get a grip and give me back my freedoms, but he will start with how he spends all his time with me and I should do the same because with opposing shift schedules, we see each other only a few times a week, even though we live together.

To make it all worse, I just recently lost over 40 pounds (WAHOO) and it kind of feels like he is being even MORE protective of me now that I look relatively feminine and attractive again. I put a lot of hard work into it, and if people pay attention to that on me, it's flattering but nothing else.

I'm a non-confrontational person by nature, and for the longest time, this has seemed to be something not worth fighting about. But it would be nice to go see my friends or say "I'm going out" and not be required to answer the who what when where why and how everytime and then put up with whatever mood happens to strike, or him thinking I'm going to leave him for weeks.

Eggshell walking isn't fun.

Is there anything short sweet and to the point I can say to him so I can go out and meet with my friends for coffee or go for drives or movies or play video games (friend stuff basically) with OUT worrying about giving him reassurances of my love and loyalty every time?

Thanks for listening

hiya Marie

having been divorced three times already, my advice is prolly not the one you want

I just wanted to say hi

hey there q man


any advice will be taken seriously!!

I just got done with my own divorce last december... I know how it feels!!


*Hugs*

there is NOTHING you can do to reassure someone
when they are jealous....

be careful jealous people tend to become dangerous, especially if they feel that you may leave them...

Just speaking from experience....

Dump him! It's not worth it.

You are young and that is no way to live.
Simply tell him that you will be spending time with your friends as well as him and ask that he stop the constant questions over it. If he continues, I'd take it as a big red flag that he is unable to act maturely and I would venture to guess it will only get worse from there. These kind of traits rarely get better. Him trying to isolate you is not a good sign at all.

Of course he never SAYS or ADMITS he is jealous...


He just does that charming little shrug when I finally let him have it, kisses me and apologises...



until the next time...

Well put-

Many signs of future troubles are there. Controlling, manipulative, you have become isolated, and the weight loss makes him more insecure and afraid you will leave.

You may be better off deciding if you are willing to change into what he wants you to be and what he tells you that you should be or if you want to risk things getting worse or getting out now.

Being jealous is an evil trait. Leave, it will never change.
It is an issue within himself. He has needs to deal with it, not you.

Hi

You are too young to realize *yet* that you cannot control a person's jealously by changing you. Why would want to change who you are? Don't lose yourself in the poison of someone else's issues.

I'm sorry to say this but it's time you moved on -- for your own health.

If he doesn't admit that he is jealous, that is a passive aggressive way of blaming you. *sigh*

Good luck.

Is there anything I can suggest to him to do so he CAN address it?

If it's an issue inside him, maybe he doesn't realise it's as bad as it is...

Oh..From what you have described, he seems to be lacking confidence, and is at least insecure. If talking things out with how you feel doesn't help, you need to look in the future- how are things going to be if the doctor touches you while giving birth?

Don't act as a 'fixer' for someone else. Only seek out strong people that can help themselves. If you start a pattern of fixing people now, you will have a stream of disfunctional relationships.

LOL


thats different mrindependent...

Doctors wouldnt want little ol me ;)


It's the males I am friends with he worrys about me hanging out with

they aren't bad people...they have just expressed interest in dating me way back when.... and dont want to cause any trouble between us

Get rid of him.. QUICK!

If that will work, BUT if he isn't ready to listen then it isn't going to help.
Good luck to ya dear. I wish you the best

I am sorry to say this, but it sounds like he is trying to isolate you. This is not a good sign. I know you live with him, but I would consider getting out now. Noone has the right to control another person.

Ok, it probably originated from a lack of trust on his part. These women on here speak from experience, as I. If he can't trust that you will not "cheat" on him, it is a sighn that you two will be counter-productive to each others lives.

It kinda hurts to read the replies.... although I do really appreciate the input guys...

I'm not so sure I'm ready to throw in the towel on an otherwise great relationship with him...

I'd like to be able to talk with him about it, but I don't have the tools yet, which is why I'm asking you guys :-)

I do want to give him one last shot, I feel like we both deserve to give him a shot to fix something he likely didn't even know was borthering me, you know what I mean?

Maybe if I just sat him down and said "If you have a jealous streak or worry about me cheating after all this time together, it's your problem, not mine. I'm going to see my friends when I want to, and spend time with you too, and I don't want to have to worry about hurting your feelings by choosing not to hang out with you for a couple hours. I'm willing to help you figure out what you need to fix any insecurities you may have, but not at the expense of my friendships or emotional health any more! I think I've more than proven my loyalty to you by now, and I want to have a social life again that doesn't make my entire world revolve around you and what you want. I need to think about me now, and what makes me feel good, and if you have too hard a time to accept that I need some me time with or without male friends, then we will have to start thinking of how it would feel to be single"


That...sounds ok.... but I don't know if I have the nerve to say it all...or remember it lol

Maybe a letter...