In September 2008, I met the love of my life, my one true love. Though our meeting was rather unconventional, with him being deployed to Afghanistan, we were able to talk many hours and really get to know one another. We discovered that we had so much in common, were so much alike in many ways and most of all, we became best friends.

Some place among all the conversations, laughs, arguments and tears, I fell in love. He was thousands of miles away and still the closest thing I had. We would talk everyday, sometimes for 4 or 5 hours at a time. We made plans for his homecoming in May 2009. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, as they say and we were living proof.

J**** went through some hard times with work, his health and losing friends and I was always there to lend him love, support, an ear...anything he needed. I went through some hard times with a jealous ex, school and family issues and J**** was there for me, through it all... 100%.

Last week, all of this came crashing down around us, when J**** admitted he had lied to me from the very beginning about a past relationship he had had. He knew from the start all I ever ask for is honesty. He explained to me why he lied and I understand but thinking back over things, I would have understood even if he had told me in the beginning. I asked him several times to tell me the truth and he swore he was. Now I am having trust issues, because he says "believe me" and "it won't happen again" How do I know this when he swore to me all along he was being honest and saying I could "trust him" and I needed to "believe in him" and I did and now he admits he was lying.

I have sat and thought about all of this so long my head hurts. I trusted him more than anyone in my life. I know he means well. I know his intentions were not to hurt me. I have a hard time talking to him now. I feel like MY J**** no longer exists and I miss him so much. I question everything we ever had. I wonder if everything that is coming out of his mouth is genuine. I always thought myself to be a pretty good judge of character and can read people and know when things aren't quite right and I did with him. Now, I am so confused because I used to trust in him so much and he doesn't want things to change but I question his every move, statement and motive.

I don't know if I should give it time and see what happens and get hurt more or chalk it up as a lessoned learned and move on with my life.

Talk to a therapist...we don't get paid enough here.

No, but really, you should talk to someone who is familiar with you and him as well as the situation.

we live and learn....did you create a profile just to ask this?

Lots of Whiskey will fix it.

actually I have read through many of the topics here and the people seemed nice :\ so yes I did.

Maybe you can trust him now. At least he admitted that he lied to you

I was being a smartass but since you are honest, I will be too. If he's lies before you meet, he will lie after. Dishonesty isn't something you are born with, you learn it and use it when it works for you. Good luck.

Liars should be shot on the spot!!!!

oh wow.....I just rhymed!!

Sounds to me like you have met that special person who realized in the beginning he made a mistake and now he is trying to make it right. If the whole story is as you describe, relationships like that come once in a lifetime.

Now it sounds as though he is putting his trust in you that you will understand and forgive him for it. You can either forgive him and move on with what sounds like a really great relationship, or you can let things stay the way they are and keep looking for what you may never find again. Just my opinion...

LoL thank you that is the first time I have smiled all week

I think it's safe to say you are only going to get two answers here. Keep him or dump him.

So what's it gonna be?

if you've lost trust and don't feel like you can trust again most likely you will question everything for the rest of this relationship

I think this is where my "confusion" comes into play and why I posted my story in the relationship advice forum. I was just looking for opinions because sometimes a fresh new perpective can enlighten a person.

You would have lost complete trust in him anyways at some point. It happens in every relationship. I think it could still work. Im not just telling you what sounds good, I am trying to tell you the truth.

Trust is something that has to be earned.

It sounds like you had earned J***’s trust so he finally told you the truth.

J*** made the mistake of not being fully honest up front. In my opinion this is easy to do when you don’t really know someone (e-mailing & talking on the phone just does not hack it when it comes to knowing someone).

The only thing he can do at this point is try to prove to you by his actions, not just his words that you can trust him again. That is of course only if you let him. He will have to understand that it is going to take allot of time and love for you to ever fully trust him again, if can’t or is unwilling to do this then it is time to move on.

Otherwise people are human and they make mistakes, sometimes very big mistakes.

As a retired military person, I know that when your overseas you try to hold on to everyone you have in your life and sometimes you don’t tell them everything because you don’t want them to worry about you or have a false impression.

The best of wishes for you and J***.

not every relationship is like that

But everybody lies. Mostly about irrelevent things

He admitted he lied to you which I think probably took alot of guts for him to do so. By his admission it seems that perhaps he might be thinking this relationship is serious and he wanted to tell you now rather than later. I say give him another chance but if he lies again then run!!

LoL Thank You!