consider it brought

I guess I half agree...life creates baggage. I wouldn't ever label kids as baggage, though.

Someone who feels someone elses kids in a relationship are baggage, isn't worth a look in...

the only thing I call baggage is the ex wife, the ex gf, who keeps bothering them and essentially bothering me. I dont need to be in a 3 way relationship. Kids are great!!! I have a child myself.....but I dont let exes interfere with happiness on either party capish??

<----kid friendly !

I'd love to have kids.

Once upon a time I would have said "If you love somebody you love their kids." The reality I have learned from experience is if you attempt to have a relationship with someone who has children; especially minors in the home you are going to be a second class citizen the majority of the time for a very long time. Possibly permenently.

While it is more than alright for you to shoulder the responsibilities of the child you are rarely afforded the smallest of rights. Not privacy, not respect, not ownership of the home you live in, or any of your personal property. You are not a co-parent and if you do not adopt the child or at least carry a power of attorney at all times you have no parental rights. You can't even legally give them and asprin for a headache.

Your friends and family are considered and intrusion. While you must be courteous and abligeing to Ex spouses and their families you are to pressure your family to take on the part of the step family right along with you. You have to deal with, often on a dailey basis, that another party: who may clearly hate your spouse and you; dictates the majority of your calendar. And as often as possible will sabotage any effort you make at having a sucessful relationship with your partners child. That is a lot harder than it sounds. Even if you are lucky enought to have someone with excellent diplomatic and parenting skills.

You have to come in mid stream and deal with parenting (or the absence of it) by not only your spouse but others who are diametriclly opposed to your values. The child's rights will always supersceed yours. If they have trouble transitioning from whatever passes at the other house or has passed in the past with your then single partner you are going to be the scapegoat. A lot of single parents don't want to admidt it but the kids run the show. I have to say I have seen some nice people have absolutely intolerable kids. Kids they were clearly afraid of. I am really not up for that kind of relationship. And I feel like if I didn't create the disaster in the families life I shouldn't be punished for it.

I love kids, always have. Although i don't have any of my own...yet. I hope to some day. But i do see what the lady means by 'baggage' It isn't the kids themselves..but everything that comes with them. Say for example...if you want to travel with you significant other or are very spontaneous...kids will prevent that or put a serious damper on it. Then there is always the issue with the ex...whether they are still around..how often and the like. Or it could even be the kids themselves...the ones out of control because they were not raised properly and you have no right to say or do anything..

...So... is it bad that this makes perfect sense to me?

Yeah kids can be concidered as a certain amount of "baggage" some more than others. Some kids can be a real treat to be around. Others can be holy terrors. It all depends on how much you are willing to carry in support of the relationship. For some folks it's a lot. For others it's very little.

This will sound really shallow but I have two wonderful almost grown daughters and want to start living my life for me again. I don't and wouldn't date a man that had kids still in school or that depended on him for every little thing. If they were grown then okay but not the ones in school still. Luckily I met someone who doesn't have kids and was never married. He does have the responsibility to take care of his parents which I think is respectful and amazing in this day and age. By the way his parents are amazing and get around great. His dad is 80 and still rides motorcycles. They are they best.

you call my kids baggage.....and....I will have to "take out the trash"

What bothers me more than the baggage comment are the profiles that say,
(some version of)

I have two beautiful daughters and they are my world. If you can't accept that move on. My kids have a mother and I'm not looking for one for them.

If I read ANY version of this I move on immediately. I have a child and I think telling anyone he is my world is akin to saying, I require air to breathe and food for fuel to keep my body alive.

That said, it is exactly the same to me as folks who say they are looking for a person who is drama free or doesn't cheat.

Baggage, to me.... that is an inability to let go of the past and bringing unhealthy issues to a new situation.

Well, I never had the opportunity to have kids, it wasn't my choice, however. Children are special gifts, an extension of their parents, and no matter how the relationship turned out, they were conceived in love and the term baggage is offensive to me.

Having said that, there are a alot of 'issues' that come with having a relationship with someone with kids that could be considered 'baggage'. Kids who are not ready to see their mom or dad in a relationship with someone else. Kids who are out of control and unruly. Kids who have not yet worked out the resentment towards their parent(s) that the family unit as they knew it has dissolved. It is just as important when we are ready to move on that the children in our lives are also prepared to move on.

My baggage is Louis Vuitton

It's actually quite interesting to see how a person is with their kids.... and how they talk about them. It tells you a lot about them.

And it is a good clue to how they will treat you, too.

I would never consider a man's children 'baggage'. I wouldn't stand for a man considerin my children 'baggage'. Fortunately/Unfortunately dependin on how u look at it I don't have all the drama of dealin with a father in my situation. They chose not to be involved so therefore I don't have all the 'drama' of the ex.
I have a child that has mental health issues so that can cause complications at times. I'm very honest and upfront and I tell the man I'm datin when it gets to the point of involvin the children. When the right man comes along he's goin to be willin to accept my children. Because we are a package deal and they aren't 'baggage'.

"They are my world" ranks right behind "I'm laid back and easy going" on the list of Most Pointless Cliches -- I'm guessing that some permutation of "My world" is used on 80% of women's profiles on some sites --

I'm glad my spaceship doesn't go to that world!



It indicates to me that they're really not interested in saying anything meaningful or relevant; but would prefer, instead, to say the exact same things everyone else says in their profiles. Maybe some people like that sort of thing -- to me, a lack of originality is a huge red flag.



That's how I think of it, too -- but a lot of people seem to have a sort of knee-jerk, reflexive reaction that the term automatically connotes a negative meaning, an insult. But that's their choice.

I would welcome the children of the woman I was with as I would expect her to welcome mine. My kids would always have the top spot in my heart, but baggage? that's a woman who can expect a lonely old age.

Lexy... I have an analogy I like to use...I'm sure I've posted it before.

I don't have baggage, but I do have a backpack of the carry-on variety. Inside said backpack I keep all the tools and lessons I learned from prior experiences and relationships. The details, the negativity, the fear, the guilt, the blame, etc etc ETC.... that was all thrown out with the luggage.

If I meet someone, I want to make sure they have those suitcases somewhere else. Like lost in Denver!

Bringing baggage into a situation is sort of like a guilt trip that has nothing to do with you. My momma always said, I didn't pack those bags and I'm not going on any guilt trip with you! That's your baggage right there....