I have a very good friend who seems to always have problems. They vary from day to day. I am a very positive person & I am finding that everyday that I try to be a good friend and ask her what's wrong and she sighs and I have to sit and listen to ten minutes of drama is really starting to bothers me.

Any sound advice on how best to deal with it and not lose her as a friend? I truly love her but the negativity is grating on me....

Shame but there are some people (whom I refer to as life vampires) who just want/like/do suck the life out of you. Best advise I can give you is to distance yourself, not to sever yourself (unless in the end this is best), but put enough distance between you both.

Sad to say this friend will find someone else to pour their heart out to.

I was gonna say shoot her, but that may be over-reacting. Why don't you try and get her to practice visualizing good things as a way to bring them into her life and then when she is complaining tell her to stop and visualize. Personally, I visualize whirled peas.

Remind her that it's her responsibilty to fix her life. If all she's going to do is complain, then complaining is all she's going to get. Tell her she needs to take action.
I had a friend like this. It totally wears you down. After years and years of this, I decided I just couldn't be her friend anymore.

when your on the phone or in person with her just pop in a Antonin Dvorak CD ,crank it..... she'll love the violin music

I had this same situation. We are no longer friends. I simply cannot have that soirt of negativity leeching my soul out by the pores...

You just got to lay it out and then see what she does.

But sadly, usually these type people are egocentric and drama drama drama drama queens. It's all about them. You'd likely get denial... or a crying I'm such a bad person I'll never ever do that again I'm SO sorry line...

Then she does it again later that week.

You need to be prepared.

If your her friend then just ask her why she is so negative but do so in a way that it your showing concern for her.. And if she gets mad about it.. then she broke off the friendship not you. You tried your best to be there and understand. BUT GET TO THE REAL PROBLEM WHY IS SHE SO NEGATIVE?

I know what you mean Lilith. The 'friend' I had literally was sucking the life out of me. I got so tired of helping her and telling her how she could fix her situation just for her to do NOTHING. It got to the point where I dreaded her calls or seeing her. I didn't want to hear the sob stories anymore.
It just shouldn't be so much work to be someone's friend.

The real problem is for her psychologist...

The real problem here is that she sounds like a wicked shytty friend!

You, as her friend and someone that truly cares for her... has to stop enabling her.

Jill.... yes I think we had a similiar problem. I recall my "friend" was also critical about everytrhing I did, yet she defended her every move viciously.... even if no one criticized it.

did we have the same "friend"?

A true indicator of a person with a personality disorder:

You are in distress but they are not, or they are in distress and it is your problem..... causing you distress which they do not at all see or care about.

Hope that makes sense.

Point is.. if they say they want to run away, say goodbye cheerily and hang up. They do not mean it. It is 99% attention seeking.

Sometimes all it takes is a friend to ask. What's really wrong ?Sometimes they will open up.. Maybe it is worth a try . Just depends on how much you value their friendship and are you willing to stick it out. Yet I have to agree there are times its best they get "qualified" help. just because they are complainers or whiners, doesn't make them Shytty friends.

everyone is guilty of complaing. Good friend or not. Everyone has their moments. And friends stick by them thru that. However, when you have an habitual complainer / drama seeker... that's a different story.

Do like some of us men do.
If you only have to endure 10 minutes of the drama, just pretend to be interested and listening. It's a zone thing and takes some practice.
Afterwards, you can get her into something interesting.

if it is bringing you down....you need boundaries. you can still care about the friend but if she is a real friend....she would understand that unless it's maybe life threatening....you can't deal with it

don't ask what's wrong....just say hi and talking about other things

I have a friend the same. I always try to be upbeat and find humor in every situation but she is always a drag on me. I'm not sure if theres any cure for it except her making a better life or trying to see her own through rose colored glasses. The one time she changed tunes was when I flat out told her that things are only as good as she herself makes them. Everyones got problems...some people just dwell on them or approach them as blocks rather than challenges.

Perhaps if your friend is female, always bring a funny story and some chocolate..and never ask her how things are going.

No help but I just wanted to sympathize.

Thanks everyone. Some sound advice and some flat out laughter on this end You are great bunch of people here!!!

Those kinds of people bring me down Thats why I quit going around most of my family and friends.