When we first meet someone, regardless of the way that we meet, we are
either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into
levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to
protect ourselves, and grow into love.

Attraction usually involves an instant decision of like or dislike,
based on our own subconscious criteria. If we meet someone in person, we
tend to size them up physically. If we meet through letters or phone
conversation or internet chat, we tend to size them up, over a longer
term, by how well they converse and how interesting (or complimentary)
they are while we interact with them.

It is true that people can act however they want, be whatever they want
to be, over the internet. But eventually the true person leaks through
the cracks and we begin to see their true self. Moral of the story? It's
best to be your real self. You may eventually want to meet the person on
the other end of the conversation.

On the other hand, when you do meet the real person on the other end,
remember that you have grown to like that person because of what's
inside their mind and heart. You have found a potential soul mate. Who
thinks as you think and feels much the same way that you feel.

No one is perfect. We all have our own flaws and shortcomings. The
concept of finding the right person is good. The concept of finding the
perfect person is improbable and discouraging, because perfect does not
exist.

The way the person looks, their physical appearance, isn't as important
as their inner looks, or soul. What we see is what we get, and hopefully
the heart ranks the highest. We fall in love with someone's soul, not
the shape or size of their body. And although a certain number of things
can be done to improve physical appearance, that should not be our main
criteria or requirement for friendship or companionship.

We fall in love with their heart. With their inner self. With their true
being. And that's what matters most.

Are most honest when starting a new relationship? Or do we tend to sugar
coat it a bit to make ourselves look more appealing to the other one?
With the thoughts if I can just get them to talk to me the rest will
fall into place.

You are so wise.

I love your writings.

Well said Tx! ....I think we all subconsciously put forth the best in
the beginning, it is how you grow at the trying times that yields the
end result...Times of strife do not build character they display
it...imho

Txs.......this needs to be a required reading to every single person
that joins our site for the first time....and even to the people that
have been here for awhile.

I think we all have our own ideas or beliefs about what love is...I
can't tell you what love is for everyone, but I believe that it is that
same energy that same force that we call God who teaches us our lessons.
If we can learn to dance with this Power or force in a smooth rythm and
flow and let him lead without bucking for control it makes it easier to
dance with another...


In the end what matter most is
how well did you live
how well did you love
how well did you learn to let go.

It’s funny that you should start this thread today because I was just
thinking about this very thing.

Txsgal wrote:
“We fall in love with their heart. With their inner self. With their
true being. And that's what matters most.”

Yes, that is what matters ‘most’. But it’s definitely not all that
matters.

I was just thinking about that today. There is a woman I know who likes
me very much. She is very pleasant and easy to get along with. She
works in a place near me so I see her often in that fleeting
professional capacity.

I saw her today and I was thinking how great it would be to share life
with her on a platonic daily level. I think would could be great
best-friends, and have really super great times together doing platonic
things. I could love her deeply on that platonic level.

However, on a sexual level things are dramatically differnet. The very
thought of becoming sexually intimate with her does not appeal to me at
all. Not in the slightest. I don’t care how much I could platonically
love her or care for her as a friend, I have absolutely no desire to
become sexually intimate with her. That thought just totally does even
feel good to me. I don’t even want to think about it.

So when it comes down to a romantic relationship there simply must be
some physical lust involved. It’s necessarily because sexual intimacy
is a physical act. You just can’t get away from that fact.

I mean, I have always loved my mother in the way that you have
mentioned. In matters of the heart and for her inner self and true
being, but that never generated any sexual desire for her. Love itself
does not generate sexual desire. You can love someone with all you
heart and soul and not be the slightest be interested in becoming
sexually intimate with them.

Love does not generate sexual desire.

So yes, all of the things that you speak of may very well be the ‘most’
important things. But physical attraction in the form of sexual desire
cannot be completely ignored either.

And before anyone calls me shallow allow me to say that I am certainly
not the only person who feels this way. I have had many women say to
me, “You’re a really great guy but,….”

Well, if I’m a really great guy that’s matters of the heart. The ‘but’
means that they aren’t sexually interested.

So yes, matters of the heart are ‘most’ important, but sensual
attraction cannot be completely ignored either unless the relationship
is going to remain strictly platonic love.

Because matters of the heart do not automatically incite sensual desire.
And without sensual desire the relationship will be forever restrained
to being platonic.

You can’t logically decide to be sexually attracted to someone if it
doesn’t happen spontaneously. That’s why they call it ‘magic’.

So to me it's not a matter of "Attraction vs. Love". Both are required
for a truly romantic relationship. In fact, this is what makes finding
romantic love so difficult. If platonic love would suffice finding a
partner wouldn’t be nearly as difficult as it is.

Just to make a little more sense....we need to be able to be true to
ourselves and trust ourselves because all the answers we need to know is
already inside of us.

Yuh,

I'm too honest for some... I figure if they can't take it, oh well!

Only difference between the offline me and online me, it I am silent
more offline. And, I tell folks that.

What come out in writing is easier for me, and my brain mouth connection
is faulty, lol!

Alot of folks just don't want to be real. up to them... I just don't
wanna here the boohoo crap because it didn't work afterwards...

Hmmm.....platonic love without sexual desire = friendship...right? Or am
I missing something here?

Although the writings are nice from the Op I can only ask ..


One Q..... how does this piece that you found to write Txs,


make you feel?

Most people can only be fake for a week or two before their trueness of
who they are, reveals itself anyway.....!!!!


JMVHO on this topic....


Many people on the internet are more true then those in the real world.
Why? Because it is safe to be real on a monitor!




lovely Txs but it doesn't ring true for
me....
Or most people I encounter on the internet.

Creativesoul wrote:
“Hmmm.....platonic love without sexual desire = friendship...right? Or
am I missing something here?”

What’s the difference between friendship and love? Do you love your
friends?

How about your parents or your children?

Do you love them? Or is that just friendship?

All I’m saying is that love doesn’t automatically equate to sexual
desire.

So when it comes to romantic love it’s not a matter of “Attraction
versus Love” it’s a matter of requiring BOTH.

The sensual attraction is what makes it cross over the line from
platonic love to become romantic love.

I agree that this should be required reading for everybody and not
those just here thanx again for another great post

Sexisweeti wrote...

Sat 04/28/07 08:33 AM
I think we all have our own ideas or beliefs about what love is...I
can't tell you what love is for everyone, but I believe that it is that
same energy that same force that we call God who teaches us our lessons.
If we can learn to dance with this Power or force in a smooth rythm and
flow and let him lead without bucking for control it makes it easier to
dance with another...


In the end what matter most is
how well did you live
how well did you love
how well did you learn to let go.

****************************************************************

May I say one thing?

Aside from the reference to God...


YOU ROCK!!!!

and where have I heard that saying before???

why is that crazy fool?


Because of a catagory of, clumping souls?



Naaaaaaaaaaaaa sorry disagree.


xxx kim

Jess wrote:
"Aside from the reference to God..."

Why would you feel a neeed to put aside a reference to God in the way
that Sexysweeti referenced God?

Do you deny that there is an entire universe surrounding you?

Jess, I thought after I wrote that... it is more true that some of us
choose to call God...it is really an individual choice.
And thank you for your nice compliment.

What I was saying regardless how you meet the person there has to be an
attaction there. Something that stirs the flames and makes you want to
see them again. For when it comes right down to it there has to be a
sexualy attraction that draws you to that person as well as what caught
your attention in the first place. Today most will have to admit we are
a very sexually attracted to whom ever we chose to be with. If and when
the time comes to be intimate with your partner. Are we also not
expecting, to feel as if we were meant to be together sexually as well
as in the mind. Are we not looking for the one that completes us in
every aspect of our lives. As well as being our best friend.

As far as one acts when they meet someone. What I was saying was to be
yourself. For there are those that paint a pretty picture to get others
to grab the bait per sey. Then it is a big let down when they find out
that they were nothing as they had portrayed themselves at first. My
self, like I said I have flaws just like anyone else. But as long as you
are honest with yourself as well as with others. We should realize that
no one is perfect and should never expect perfections. For if our goals
in life is for the one we are looking for to be PERFECT. We will truly
not only be let down ourselves but also be looking for a fairy tale in
life. There is no fairy tales just because we meet someone and
everything is coming up Roses at first in order to keep that love and
make it bloom will need both to put there 100% into keeping it that way.
There will come times when the road could get rocky but unless you have
two people with the same ideals of what it takes to keep a relationship
going it will and can fall apart. Takes trust , communcation, honesty ,
open mind and the desire to make it work. Nothing in Life is dropped
into our laps.

To my family...I love, and they are also my friends...

To my friends..I love, and they are also my family...

To Abra.. I apologize for my nearsightedness...by definition... a
relationship without sexual involvement between a man and a woman does
not necessarily have to be a friendship.

Goodness no Abra...not at all..call it gun shy..

I dont want any post of mine to have a referrence to God...universal
force?..... absolutely,I am in full agreeance with.

Ohh I did leave out one thing that I consider important in a
relationship as well is humor. You must be able to connect and enjoy
life and at times be able to laugh at the things life throws your way.
It's important to enjoy being with the one your with and be able to joke
around and have that laughter in your lives. As well as to know when you
must be serious. Regardless it does take two to keep things alive and
not to fall into that rut that most do and get to comfortable with each
other to the point we forget to keep things alive and exciting.
Communcation is one of the main keys.