i havent seen it for a long while. last i saw it it said hepititus maybe then turned to be mono.. havent seen it for a while..

On my previous site there was a lady who died and it was sad, and i was genuinely touched. I never really knew her all that well, but we had enough contact for me to take an interest, and the whole story was really a touching one. I still find it sad when i think about it, as you do about your friend.

It is all about who and what it is for me. Just some people seem to care too much about anything and everything.

well i do know you got sicker and sicker... and missed some time with your sweetie... anytime that happens its a sad thing..glad your are better whatever it turned out to be...

...I had a similar question once dan. Here in america there have been many people killed on roadways. Many of the accidents have been marked with a cross. I didn't understand it. It kinda didn't make sense. My wise father said to me "Those crosses on the roadways are not for the dead for they are dead and can't care. Those crosses are for the living. For a loved ones remembrance and respect". To answer your question dan- prayer and remembrance threads are also for the living. To give help and support to those in need whether it be a long time freind or total stranger. It is about the compassion you hold in your soul for others. In some cases it is a simple courtesy. In the case that made you bring up this thread I know the child in question and his mother well enough to know, love, and trust them. And I pray that all will be well for them. Because I care.

I don't post often in those type of threads, and I really have to have known them in order to do so. But I am sincere in what I say, as I was in your thread.

And although I didn't know ArtCat, my heart really went out to her and her family.

By the way, I like that group picture you posted of her. Her smile is contagious and you can't help but smile back.

Very good point. I guess distancing yourself from things is a coping mechanism as much as anything as well.

And on that note, im off home, i'll be back to reply to the rest later(or some of the rest anyway!).

True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.

Sometimes caring is all it takes.

I feel very sad when I hear about someone having a hard time, especially when they lose a loved one. I don't have to be close to someone to imagine how they must feel at all. Dennis

And Tina......you're pretty wonderful, yourself!!

thank you Eileen

While I can not always know each person on Mingle on a deeply personal level my perspective is this is a community of sorts to most of the people who come here routinely.

I feel it is only normal that they bring something as important as a personal loss to that community.

Since you can not always know who considers you a friend I think it is important to respond to a generic request for support how you feel approriate but to at least respond.

Some people have different skills/beliefs and when you are in greif sometimes you want the comfort that is familiar. The communal prayer of even strangers is something that is expected.

Faith leaders are expected, even if they are not personal friends, to give voice to the prayers. It isn't being false it is sometimes just answering the calling.

People who request prayers here understand that isn't everybodies thing and that is ok. They may hope that the people they see "every" day who don't necessarily have the same beliefs streach a little and have the grace to respect their customs with reverence but they don't expect them to do anything that compromises their beliefs even if it is simply not to believe.

I feel that the idea that was voiced earlier that until you experience the need you really won't get it is really very accurate. If you can try to imagine haveing the feeling of drowning, absolute terror, and crushing depression all rolled into one times infinity that is what looseing a child, or a spouse, or parent is like. You can imagine it but you can't feel it until you live it.

I do want to say that in a community it is totally understandable that some people are not going to be comfortable with the expression of greif or doing it publiclly and that is cool. You can't learn anything if you don't ask questions.

I think it is fair to keep in mind that not everyone is willing to deal with these really heavy heavy subjects and don't need to be ragged on for wanting to come to a community that is more of an escape or fun or focuses on the premis that is promoted for; a dateing site.

Some how I am impressed that most of the people who come here are capable of all of it. PEACE!

Yes, and to be honest I had no words I could say publicly on the topic. Until I've had a kid grow into adulthood and die before me, I don't think I could even come close to that one or really have said anything meaningful. I can't even fathom that loss.

I used to be one of those people who wanted to help everybody, even strangers. Seemed like the right thing to do -- my own problems, for the most part, were relatively minor and fairly easy to address.

And I got a reputation for being the guy to go to when you had problems. It was always really a one-sided thing, but I was OK with that.

The past 6 months have left me in a very different frame of mind. Culminating with the car accident last week -- I now see the real nature of the people who claim to love me and need me -- I can't get my prescriptions, I can't go to the doctor, I can't look for a new place to live -- because I no longer have a car, and my "friends" have all disappeared.

If I get through this in one piece and still functional -- which is by no means certain -- I'm no longer going to waste my time trying to care about anybody. I've learned the "wisdom" of that particular strategy.

I am imagining you are speaking about LoriAnn. Yes, that one hit me hard, too. I was one of the first people Bart called about it. It really struck me, as I had just seen her three months earlier, and then I get a phone call that she had died. Hell of a thought to have over the Christmas holidays.

As far as Cathy goes, I never met her son, but I HAVE met HER three times.

Let's not be forgetting Deb's (lighthouselover) son, who also died unexpectedly in early '07.

In all three instances, I know the person in question who is in need of the condolences, so I have somewhat of a vested interest in the matter. If it's somebody I've never talked to, never met, or don't know, it's much like just reading a story in the newspaper. Yeah, it's a damn shame, but it's not my issue. No disrespect intended.

Yes I care because it just is who I am.....If someone sees it as false caring or whatever....Well that's fine because then the person who sees it that way doesn't really know me.

I think also until something happens to someone you sometimes don't even know how much you care about that person.....Dan you were a perfect example of that. When you got sick and I thought this planet may have to live without you....I was beyond sad...and I prayed like a crazy woman. So yes I care, and when you know the person better then others it hits something inside that you may not even know. And that is a beautiful thing.

My family always teases and says c'mon mom these people are not even real..well when something happens and they need prayer for a loss or whatever....THEY ARE VERY VERY REAL.

great thread dan.

the greatest blindness of the magnitude of all things is but believing only half of all things are good, the good???

if mankind has never found the most good by following the good as a religion, then there is only but one other half not yet seen, the glory of the bad???

no living thing free itself to total confidence in itself less it embrace with love the bad of itself, not the good???

the natural inclination of human thinking is to cling to it's good, when the sight of self good destroy with self blindness???

to purpose in the mind for self and others to fit an image of good is to seperate self from the eternal spirit that created self???

Thats the first time i have heard about that and i do care about it. Lex is one of the people that i have had more contact with than most out of the people that i know from this site, and one of the people i have the most respect for.

But of course there is very little i feel i can do for him, i could overload on the sympathy but that doesn't change his situation. That being said one of his issues is the lack of support he is getting from his friends. I dont feel i have earnt the right yet to call myself his friend, in the proper sense of the meaning 'friend'.

I even said it in my profile, people can have large amounts of people that they call friends online, but are they REALLY your friend? Or are they just someone you are friendly with? Or even, are they just someone you have spoken to a few times?

I know hundreds of people online, literally, and i have met over 50 of them. I cannot be GOOD friends with all these people, its just too many. The people that are actually my friend is a lot more select.

The point i am getting at is that sometimes, people wrongly define their true relationships with the people they know online. Because of this, when the chips are down, people FEEL they must show extra support and caring, rather than actually caring as much as they show.

They aren't going over your head, Dan.

They just don't EVER make any sense but you are supposed to think they do.