It seems unfair that those of us who have baggage or drama in our lives through no fault of our own are being abandoned in the dating pool.

I have never really had baggage or drama in my life as I've always had a handle on things and moved on when life threw me a curve I couldn't catch. I'm a survivor and I don't drag the past into new relationships.

My situation is that I have been laid off from a fairly lucrative career position, and with our spiraling economy am having much difficulty getting back in to the employed status.

As a result, I have had to deal with what some may call "drama", as the ripple effect of losing my job has taken its toll on my financial stability and lifestyle.

What is unfair is that people like me still need love and companionship, maybe a little more now than ever. But it seems people don't want to be bothered with anyone who may have some temporary issues to deal with. I would never involve a person I was dating with my personal problems. I will get back on my feet, but it will take a little time -- perhaps longer now than any other time in my life due to the shape our country is in. But I wouldn't burden them with my problems, aside from maybe talking about it like two compassionate, caring human beings.

I have yet to meet any other human being who does not have some issues, problems, concerns, (whatever you wish to call them) that they are forced to deal with. It's called "LIFE".

It seems that those who do not wish to deal with this type of "drama" are expecting to find people who have it all together... I have yet to meet anyone who has not one single problem in his/her life.

This is not drama that I have clung to or brought on myself. I am a victim of circumstance. But my being honest about my situation seems to be a turn off to some. If I were to hide the issues or lie, I would then be labeled something much worse. So what is the solution?

Do I wait until my life is back on track (and remain feeling more isolated and alone) simply because others don't wish to deal with it?

I'm serious about this question. I understand being turned off by someone's self-inflicted drama, wallowing in self-pity, constantly complaining about it, etc. But I remain as upbeat and positive as I can. I try to poke fun and look at life with a sense of humor. So do I have baggage or drama? Or is it an acceptable version of it??? What are your thoughts without tearing me a new one???

I have been laid off since Nov of last year. I have meet a guy on another dating site that I have been seeing. Not all guys are that way. You will find a guy in due time. Sometimes we have to go through Jerks to get to prince charming.

I think we can all relate to everyday life stress. The economic situation is affecting all of us somehow.

I just broke up with someone who had serious emotional baggage from past relationships. That is a different story.

I feel relatively "baggage-free." I think it is more about finding someone with a similar outlook on life. There are personality tests that I think are really helpful. It's not good to find yourself in a relationship with someone who is not compatible on a deep level.

On first dates, everyone is on good behavior and we minimize our problems. As time goes on, we become more relaxed and go into more detail about our lives and our situations. Job stress, especially losing a job, is understandably a topic that should be ok to be concerned about.

This guy was very sympathetic to my job situation and such, but turned out to be so controlling that he was jealous of my girlfriends and my dead husband. Now that's baggage!

I've had plenty of opportunities to date and I've been laid off since Thanksgiving as well.

I met someone with whom I meshed well. We hit it off great and talked for hours everyday, usually by his calling me. We were set to meet next week and we had become so close and comfortable with each other that I felt I could be honest about my situation. I never asked for his help or money, or anything like that. And I often made light of things so as not to be a burden. It was nice that he seemed to understand and he was very compassionate.

Then today I got an email from him that said, I'll make this very short, you have tooooo much drama in your life and it would never work out. (He knows my situation is only temporary and I will be back on top when I can get a handle on things.) But he said he did not want me to call him or even respond to his email. He wished me well in my life and signed his name. Never made a comment about enjoying the time and conversations we did share. Never said he was sorry or even Goodbye.

I was shocked, to say the least, as I thought things were progressing well and was looking forward to meeting and actually having a small vacation away from the daily stress and problems.

Bubble burst... and I'm stunned.

..its a dog eat dog world out there..and the cavalry aint comming..

roco

I think the difference is that those of you who've been laid off are most likely drawing Unemployment benefits. I have been forced to appeal because of a stubborn boss who has a history of fighting every claim as though it were coming out of his own pocket. He has postponed the appeal hearing repeatedly.

I was laid off in May 3 weeks after signing a new lease. I found a job within 5 weeks, but was forced to quit due to a terribly abusive and micromanaging boss with a history of forcing people to quit. I oulasted all others in my position, but because I left voluntarily (because the stress was having negative health affects on me), I've been denied further benefits... That was in August.

I managed to keep my head above water until about October when things began to get out of hand. I had to move out of my newly rented home and now the landlord is suing me for breaking the lease.

Not having income has catapulted me into financial ruin and I believe that I've lost the lustre that usually attracted men to me... and that was the degree of my success and positive attitude, self-reliance and ability to succeed.

Those traits are still there, along with a good sense of humor. But I guess I just lack the financial foundation that once attracted them.

I am not needy or desperate, but I think they may fear that I am or soon will be. Perhaps because the economy is especially bad here in Florida, it seems harder to find guys who aren't teetering on the brink of ruin themselves. I don't know.

\


WHAT????????????????????????????



No CALVARY???

..dating can be even more competitive than getting a job...times are a changn..

roco

Im still working and have little mini drama's that last a month. But I cope with it. Wish I could quit kicking people out and find some good ones.

Instead of trying to fiqure out why?
We just have to accept, and move on!

I just need a hug...

Good thing you saw this cold-hearted man for who he was. Better to know now hon.

maybe people have had so much in their lives that they seek a peaceful relationship for once.they do exsist you just have to have more patience than usual.

If there's drama in my life, I'm allowing it and I'm responsible for clearing it up. It's pretty much that simple.

I think right now in these times, being "Laid-OFf" or out of work is a more common and somewhat more acceptable situation to be in. Cant see why it would interfere with your dating ambitions. Although, if you say it does, I would be willing to accept that statement.

Consider yourself hugged SS, BIG HUG!!!

Plus, good thing he's gone before HE brought you more drama.

There was a thread on this issue and the answers were somewhat split down the middle. Just look for the type of "us" that answered the career/job did NOT equal the person. The guy looking for you, for your personal worth and merit, will be one well worth waiting for!

Have another BIG HUG!!!

I too lost my job in Florida in August- I was downsized- it took me 3 months to find a job and it was not in Florida- there was nothing there- I had to rely on my family to support me- oh how humiliating!! but I had to relocate to another state- that being said- I have found many many men who were and are sympathetic to my situation and dont consider it "drama" just an unfortunate situation that I was working hard to rectify- My point is your situation will work itself out jobwise- you just might have to "settle" and as for the dating situation.....There are so many more men out there who will be sympathetic and understanding and accepting- just give it some time- Your position does not validate you- you are not what you do- Just work on finding a job and keeping your head above water and the rest of it will fall into place- Good luck to you

((((sensualsweet))))

Now since you said that you were asking as a serious question, perhaps a hug is all you need but here is my take on it.

1.) Consider yourself lucky not to have added a relationship to your list of misfortune. Relationships have a tenancy to distract your focus on getting back on your feet and they will also zap your creative energy.

2.) Put yourself in the other person's shoes. You have your own problems to deal with, how would you feel about taking on someone with a whole bunch more to deal with? You might do the same.

And my personal opinion would be to focus on getting back on track and forget about establishing any close relationships.
Make yourself your first priority, and keep your relationships causal or business.

Don't open up your life story and problems to them, and don't allow them to throw you off track in the dealing with your own problems.

Getting yourself back on track should be your priority!

(p.s. above all, don't look for a knight in shining armor to save you... save yourself. )

Just my opinion.

JB

Dont ever call yourself a victim.....get out of that mentality right now!!!


Sh*t happens!!! That is life!!! I wouldnt call losing your job drama or baggage. I would call it life......