Warning you now, this may be a little long as I need to sort of set the scene for you to understand my dilema.

I do volunteer work through the Community Center. I got involved in it through a neighbor who happens to be the instrumental reason why we even have a community center in the first place and she never misses an oppprtunity to point that out, and is also the Committee President.

My neighbor invited me to attend a committee meeting. I'm not really a committee kinda person, but I thought I'd go and meet some people and see who's-who here. A few months past and at one of the meetings my neighbor appoints me to be member of the Fund Raising Committee and the Kitchen Committee right in the middle of a meeting without having consulted me first. Again, I went along with it as I did not want to embarrass her in the middle of the meeting in front of some of the town's most influential people.

I informally offered up some ideas for fund raisers to my neighbor just in talking one day, one of which was to host a community-wide rummage sale hosted by and at the community center. Couple of months pass and I didn't hear a word about it again until last night, when one of the members of the committee asked me if we were hosting a rummage sale and I said I didn't know anything about it. So, I asked my neighbor and she said yes in fact 'they', whom she never identified, asked if 'they' could host one and I told her at least a couple of the committee members weren't aware of this. Imagine being on the fund raising committee and not knowing about a planned fund raiser. So yeah, basically she took my idea before I had an opportunity to present it formally in a meeting and ran with it and didn't bother to let folks know about it until an ad for it had already been placed in the newspaper announcing it. My neighbor said she hadn't had the time to call all the members and let them know, but, I speak to her several times a week and she never mentioned it to me.

Now, I just want off the committees I never wanted to be on in the first place. It was never my intent to run with the big dogs, I know I am out of my element and I am not up to all the ego-stroking and azz-kissing that's involved. I love volunteering but not for the accolades. I do it because I think we all oughta give back when we can and because I truly enjoy it. I need to let my neighbor know I want off these committees, but am so dreading the confrontation I know that will ensue. I don't want to get into a big thing with her and I don't want the other committee members getting involved.

you do what you do, for your reasons.... the other's do what they do for theirs.

If you keep doing what is appropriate for you, what other people do cannot affect you, as you haven't bought into their dramas.

JUst be up front or say "I am sorry but it has come to my attention that I can no longer be on any commities or fund rasieing , due to my own personal commitments" and then say "I RESIGN" do what you can in the commuinty with what you are comfortable.. IMO.. you should of spoke up at the first meeting and said sorry but I can not accept such a postion.. your friend didn't give you the respect of asking you first . Then you should just have to do the right thing and decline if it embarrssed her.. Hmm she sure put you on a spot.

Yeah, I know I should have spoken up, but I was so dumb-founded and off guard and actually embarrassed myself that I couldn't find any words to even talk.

Thanks for your suggestion on what I should say. That's really what I am fumbling with. I just want to back out without a fuss and do my volunteering quietly.

just be honest. Tell them it's too much for you to deal with at this time and respectfully resign.

Then that's what you need to do. Tell them straight out that you would no longer like to be part of an organization that does community volunteer work, but would rather do it on your own, as you would find it to be more rewarding.

I also need to find a way to deal with the feelings I have towards my neighbor who I feel sorta stab me in the back here. I've gotten a look at a side of her I never knew. I am so disappointed in her and I think this has permanently damaged the trust I used to have in her.

Welcome to Cynics Anonymous.

Yeah.. Actually I think bit of cynisism is a good thing, keeps us from making the same mistakes again and helps us keep our guard up against folks who truly mean us harm. In this instance I was truly blind-sided.

Look bug...you are a good spirited woman.

Doesn't matter if the sale happens with or without you...(You did a good thing to get that ball rolling) Anything that helps your community is a good thing.

If you don't want to be just kind of tossed into the mix (Like I am sure that plenty of other people are)...simply tell them...

You have too many obligations to devote the time to this project to give it the attention it deserves.

If they understand...great...anyone with an actual life should.

If they want to be snide, catty or condescending...F'em. All they are doing is trying to delegate responsibility while shouldering none of the burden themselves...

I live in a small town of Texans....we all think that we run things.

As for advice i have non,

but that was very well written

Thanks Krupa, for your thoughts




Thanks Dubz!


Think I am gonna give this a day or two, try to wrap my head the disappointment I feel so that I can present myself in a more calm and professional manner when I resign from these committees. Right now, I'd really like to go off on this lady, but I think the better approach would be to resign in the manner as all of you have suggested, which puts her in the position of having to explain why a volunteer she brought on board no longer wishes to be part of the committees.

Robin, you and i have been friends for years, and i know how you are. That big heart of yours always gets in the way, that is not a fault, mind you, that is a quality that is almost non-existent anymore.

Decorum prohibits me from posting what i would say, to that person. I know your feelings are hurt, mine would be too. The one thing you can find, in all of this, is that most folks are not stupid, they will see through your "friend". That's not much solace, but it's the best i can do at the moment.

The really sad part in all of this, is that i know how you are. You put your heart into helping people, and you got stabbed in the back. So sorry this happened

If this would have been me 8 years ago, I would have asked you if you wanted to go kick her A#$ but I have since ... well I have been TRANSFORMED and been made a NEW creation... sooooo just keep in mind that GOD does say that VENGENCE is HIS so we know he is going to take care of it and EXPOSE the WITCH for who she is, trust HIM and YOU will see....

What would Walt do?

Well, that made me cry... That's the thing Mark, I really admired this lady for the position that she has achieved here and for her integrity. I realize now, in all likelihood, she achieved her position treading on the backs of the good folks here.

Go to Disneyland.

Yeah...I think I'll let God take care of the 'azz-kickin' here in his own unique way