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| Topic: Do you think its shallow | |
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to not date someone because they don't drive and are really (I mean tiny) skinny? That wouldn't have any bearing on my own personal decision to date or not date someone, but everyone's criteria are different. I don't think you're necessarily "shallow" just because you have preferences -- Yea, I agree I don't find it shallow at all. Shes also 3 years older which is just a little weird for me See, again, for me, that would be a total non-factor. But put a drink in her hand and I'm out the door. Everybody's different. Yea, I don't know its just weird. I'm only 20 and shes about to turn 24. Just a little odd that I'm further along in my schooling and drive and she doesn't. Plus she doesn't even have a job your not even looking at her good points...   
Care to share the good points you see, cause all I'm seeing is the big red flags. You know, 24 with no job, doesn't drive, no motivation to do anything in life. Oh yeah, doesn't get any better then this! 
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Okay, so what's your question? What are you confused about? |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Then why even start this thread! You have made the decision already. She is not right for you. Move on. |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Okay, so what's your question? What are you confused about? My question should be how do I let her down without hurting her? |
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your not even looking at her good points...
Wrong. He said she was a "sweet girl". I saw it. Now....if she only had some ambition to go along with her sweetness, you might have a viable argument. being sweet, there has to be other good points than that |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Then why even start this thread! You have made the decision already. She is not right for you. Move on. I have.. I just really should have asked how I drop her without hurting her/ending our friendship. I value her as a friend she wants more |
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Like Lex said its about preferences.. I just recently dated a woman for 6 months who couldn't/ wouldn't drive ( she is 48).. It was no big deal actually worked out well.. And as for the age thing? That again is personal choice. But its your decision on wether you like this woman enough to continue to see her or date.. IT IS YOUR PREFERENCES....maybe a heart to heart about her life choices and why will shed some light on this for you?
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your not even looking at her good points...
Wrong. He said she was a "sweet girl". I saw it. Now....if she only had some ambition to go along with her sweetness, you might have a viable argument. being sweet, there has to be other good points than that Drawing a blank here. The only positive things shes ever talked to me about is "treating her man right" and "being sweet". |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Okay, so what's your question? What are you confused about? My question should be how do I let her down without hurting her? Easy. You tell her straight out, "Listen, you're nice and all, but you have to get your sh!t together if you ever want this to progress." Don't be afraid to show a little backbone. |
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so if it was the other way around.. what then would you do.. i have dated guys in the past that had no jobs and yea i got real tired especially when i was supporting them... for they didnt even try..
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Then why even start this thread! You have made the decision already. She is not right for you. Move on. I have.. I just really should have asked how I drop her without hurting her/ending our friendship. I value her as a friend she wants more Why don't you just be truthful and tell her the real reason. Maybe she needs someone to tell her like it is to get her to do something with her life. You might hurt her feelings, but as the saying goes, the truth hurts sometimes. |
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so if it was the other way around.. what then would you do.. i have dated guys in the past that had no jobs and yea i got real tired especially when i was supporting them... for they didnt even try.. That's a non-issue, because it ISN'T the other way around. |
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Easy. You tell her straight out, "Listen, you're nice and all, but you have to get your sh!t together if you ever want this to progress." Don't be afraid to show a little backbone. Alright Keith, get out of my head! 
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The truth does hurt. I'll just tell her I don't want to date someone who doesn't have a job and who seems to be lagging on their future. I won't question the driving because there are people out there who just fear or don't want to drive.
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to each their own!!
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your question was about being shallow
what you wanted to know was how to turn her down its easy... this isn't going anywhere because you aren't going anywhere.....haha literally and metaphorically thats funny |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older and still does less stuff than me? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. It seems you are making a leap that she wants you to support her. She might already have people who support her! Fact is, you are wanting to be with someone who is stable and secure. We all want that, or I hope we do.
I say there is not one thing wrong with turning her down. Maybe if enough people did, or had firmer boundaries, this lady might just get motivated to do for herself. I do find it sad that there are obviously people in her life who do for her and don't care enough to teach her to do for herself. I always say, love people enough to tell them NO. |
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So, I should date someone who has no job, no ambition, doesn't drive (shes admitted she NEEDS to drive but doesn't anyway), and who I feel awkward around because shes older? Yea, shes sweet and really nice, but I just don't feel the connection beyond friendship and shes just not the type of girl I want to be with. I want someone who's attempting to make a better future for themselves and can support them self and not rely on me for money like it seems she wants to. Okay, so what's your question? What are you confused about? My question should be how do I let her down without hurting her? You flatter yourself I do declare. Just tell her you are not ready for a serious relationship right now and if she asks for any specific reasons, be honest.
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You are so young Andrew. Why not just move on. From reading your details about the topic your scale seems to be lopsided in favor of not dating.
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I hate that word shallow.
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