How do you know when is the 'right' time, to enter into a committed
relationship with another???

What are the factors that help you decide, within you, and your partner,
to go from dating, to an 'item', exclusive, committed, however you
choose to call it?

When your heart tells you it is the right time

That is a very complex question.
I have to be sure within myself that I can give myself
unconditionally. And I have to trust my partner enough
to believe him that he feels the same.

It was so complex, the site spat it out four times...

That's what I meant

Is a really good question jess. Have been wondering about that myself.
While I am open to it, I get butterflies in my stomach sometimes, when I
think about being in a relationship again. Have been single for quite
some time, not in a hurry to be in a relationship just for the sake of
being in one but am certainly not avoiding one.

For me, trust is probably the biggest factor for me. Not just in the
other person, but trust in myself, that I am capable of being in a
committed relationship, to let someone in, for all the right reasons.
The next relationship I am in, are with the intent and hopes it will be
the last one. Does that make any sense?

Makes perfect sense Jane.

I had a conversation with a friend today on just that topic, trust.
Trust issues, how we put it onto another, when really it within us, to
trust ourselves, and trust in ourselves, before considering all the
other factors of relationships.

hi jesse, good to see you on jsh..for me it's heart AND head. I learned
this from a nifty little 100 pg. book called, Yes or No: A Guide to
Better Decision Making by Spencer Johnson...you can google it and find
this book online...wish my parents or my school had taught me the stuff
I found in this simple little guide..it has helped me a lot...I also use
the I Ching and have since I was 13 which is ancient guide and can be
found for free online....

i know with my issues right now, i shouldnt even think about a
relationship right now and this guy im dating knows this. So, for now we
are very good friends, just dating, havin fun. and im letting it go. If
its meant to be down the road, so be it. But, i personally from
experiences in the past, friends first is important

Jess wrote:
“How do you know when is the 'right' time, to enter into a committed
relationship with another???”

This is a bit of a strange question for me. One reason is that I
basically don’t date a lot. So usually when I do date it’s
automatically ‘exclusive’. There was never a time in my entirely life
when I was dating more than one woman at a time. So I’ve always been
‘exclusive’. That’s pretty much automatic for me whether I’m serious
about moving forward or not.

So there’s never really a question in my mind about ‘commitment’ I
always committed and I should probably be committed to a mental
institution just for being like that.

For me the real question would be when do we want to move in with each
other. And from my point of view the answer is extremely simple. If we
are hitting it off and have already concluded that we want basically the
same things out of life then what are we waiting for? What’s wrong with
right now?

And now we come to maybe the real meaning of ‘commitment’. Am I
prepared at that moment to say that I’ll stay with the woman FOREVER?
No, not at all.

However, I will go as far as saying that I’ll stay with her forever as
long as we continue to like each other.

But I don’t think anyone can say anything permanent at that point. In
fact, will NEVER be able to make a permanent commitment like that to any
woman whom I haven’t yet lived with. So the bottom line is that I can’t
even think about making a lifetime commitment until we’ve lived together
for a while. So let’s move in together and see it is leads to a
commitment.

That’s precisely where I’m at and have always been and will always be.

Let’s move in together with no commitment or expectations and see how
things go. If after a year we are still all luvy duvy then why not
make a permanent commitment to spend the rest of our lives together?

On the other hand, if during that first year we realize that maybe we’d
rather not live together for the rest of our lives, then we’d be
absolutely crazy to try just because we had made some stupid commitment
prior to really knowing what it would be like living together.

In short, why make a permanent commitment before you’re really in a
position to know that’s what you want to do?

This on/off crap is for the birds and probably explains why there are so
many divorces and failed relationships. People are trying to make
commitments before they have sufficient information to based a decision
on.

Just move in. If we decide to go our separate ways later, no need to
get pissed about it. Just move back out we’ll part as friends just like
we were when we met.

Why people need to turn breaking up into a world war is beyond me.

I’m not possessive. If we’re in love let’s live together. If we’re not
do we really need to become enemies?

Can’t we just say, “Hey we had some really great times together, too bad
it didn’t work out. I wish you the very best of luck friend”.

That’s how I broke up with every women I’ve ever lived with yet. Never
any hard feelings or finger pointing.

Thankyou Starry, sweet, for your honesty and for Starry for others to
check out info online...


Aahhh Abra...what can I say? We are fortunate in that we know of each
other and ideas, ideals of relationships, and have some history, from
other sites, you are like a breath of fresh air in your logic...




I am not looking for personal advice, I am curious by nature, and wonder
how others see these questions, and how they apply to them...

And here I thought you were right on the brink of being committed and I
was trying to come up with something poignant to say when I could have
just been my smart ass self and said something like when ya keep calling
his name regardless of who you're with...

I probably should mention that I was never head-over-heels in love in
any of my previous relationships. So it was never even suggested that
they might be long term relationships. It was more like, ‘Let’s just
live together and see where it leads’

A second thing was that we never actually fully moved in with each other
either. The women all had their houses and I had mine. What our
relationships basically amounted to was just spending a lot of time
together at each other’s houses. Due to long distances involved we’d
basically stay at each other’s house for a few weeks each.

So when it came time to break out, no one really had to ‘move out’.

If you’re talking about making a relationship permanent, I’ve never done
that. I’ve never gone into a relationship yet with the idea (or
expectation) that it was going to be permanent.

Seems to me when you feel that much in love with someone you don’t
really need to ask questions like when should we do this or that. You
just do it.

I would love to experience romantic love. Thus far in my life I have
never had the pleasure of experiencing romantic love. But I can
imagine that if that ever happened there wouldn’t be any questions of
how to go about it. I’d basically approach it the same way I always
have, the only difference is that we’d never move back apart. Assuming,
of course, the woman was also in love with me.

Like I say though, I’m not possessive. If I’m in love with her and
she’s not interested in living with me then I’d just wish her the very
best of luck. I can’t force someone to love me and I’m fully aware of
that. But I sure would like to meet a woman that I would LIKE to force
to love me. (ha ha)

That has never happened yet.

Oh JB, poignant?

Me, committed?

I haven't found The Asylum here yet...but found a lot of really long
armed jackets in my locker out the back of here...

Third floor?

I just pushed the elevator button...who knows...could be The
Asylum...LMAO!!!


(Is this like cross threading?)

There is no specific "right time." When you both determine you're "on
the same page," I guess.

Kinda fun 'til ya get caught!

For me it's when intuatively,it just feels ok , I mean really, ok.
When my heart feels safe and free.

I would have to say right about not NOTHING!!!!!!!!