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| Topic: What is the boundary? | |
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 What do you believe the boundary is for a step-parent to reprimand a step child?
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Whatever the biological parent and the step parent agree upon
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Whatever the biological parent and the step parent agree upon 
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Eeek, that is a very fine line. It depends on a lot of things. Like, are both of the biological parents taking an active role in the child's life. If so, then the unfortunately the step-parent has to take a back seat and let them do the disciplining.
If it's just the parent and the step-parent, then I believe it would still be up to the parent to discipline, unless it is something major, and even then you'd still have to tread lightly. But I think two key things should be kept in mind. Number 1, as was stated before, the two of you should have already discussed the role that the step-parent would play as the disciplinarian before you even get married. And 2, I think that you should always keep in mind, that not allowing the step-parent to have any role in disciplining the child, could cause the child to have a lack of respect for the step-parent. As I stated, it is a very fine line that needs to be handled delicately with everyone in mind, the adults and children both. |
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If the child requires discipline...the child should get it...regardless of its source.....
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Eeek, that is a very fine line. It depends on a lot of things. Like, are both of the biological parents taking an active role in the child's life. If so, then the unfortunately the step-parent has to take a back seat and let them do the disciplining. If it's just the parent and the step-parent, then I believe it would still be up to the parent to discipline, unless it is something major, and even then you'd still have to tread lightly. But I think two key things should be kept in mind. Number 1, as was stated before, the two of you should have already discussed the role that the step-parent would play as the disciplinarian before you even get married. And 2, I think that you should always keep in mind, that not allowing the step-parent to have any role in disciplining the child, could cause the child to have a lack of respect for the step-parent. As I stated, it is a very fine line that needs to be handled delicately with everyone in mind, the adults and children both.  excellent point
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I had a step son once,I was the only dad he really knew for 10 yrs,and yes..I spanked him when he needed it
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My mom drew the line at spanking. She said my step dad could ground me or take away privileges and what not but that if I needed a spanking she would be the one to give. I feel this was partly to make sure that it wasn't over done. In my entire life i was only spanked 4 times...ever.
I was grounded alot though lol. |
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My mom drew the line at spanking. She said my step dad could ground me or take away privileges and what not but that if I needed a spanking she would be the one to give. I feel this was partly to make sure that it wasn't over done. In my entire life i was only spanked 4 times...ever. I was grounded alot though lol. Smart lady.
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Same as a biological, as long as it's not abusive.
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I say it really depends on the situation ... here was my situation: My husband's 15 year old son came to live with us, we are in NY, he came from California. I let my husband handle the discipline, for one, his son, for two, he was a boy. It went ok for about 6 months, then husband started slacking off and son was getting away with alot (ie., told to come in at 10 pm, come strolling in at 11) ... took so much of it, finally said something to husband, husband said, fine you deal with it. So thats what I did, I set a time for him to be in, if he wasn't in, his time got earlier. Took a bit, but he finally got the message.
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I believe that as long as both the biological and the step-parent agree on discipline that the step-parent should have equal rights. However, I do draw the line at physical discipline. I would not want anyone spanking my kids, nor would I feel comfortable spanking his. I was a step-parent and I know it would have brought problems, especially when things turned sour.
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Each has their own boundaries and values even within a relationship..the biological parent has the final say so over the discipline and step parent discipline is fine as long as it is what is agreed upon by both parents....or all parents, whatever the case may be....and yes in the case of some biological parents who have a tendency to slack the step parent may need to step in so to speak... for the sake of the child..as long as no party violates the health and welfare of the child in question
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It's funny that this is a topic at this point in my life seeming how I just had to deal with this situation. I recently just had to end a relationship, because I found out my boyfriend was hitting my 9yr old. The boyfriend claimed it only happened twice for very understandable reasons, I didn't like it since I rarely spank my children, but do believe in a spanking occasionally when absolutely called for. Then come to find out over lengthly conversations with all three of my children that this was occuring on a regular basis...so he had to go! Parenting is difficult for either the parent and step parent, but punishments should be a team effort, both should be on the same page, if he needed to punish him there are other ways and then we could have all talked about it together and went from there either for that incident or to be able to have rules for future problems.
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Not a parent, but my step-dad destroyed my Magic collection which would be worth around $50,000 or so nowadays if I had kept and then sold them. The punishment, and I use the term loosely, was for me tapping my sister on the shoulder. Over-reacted? Of course he did. He had no clue that they were worth that much money, he just knew that I loved those cards. Scarred me for life. It was the only time I was really about to attempt suicide.
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I hope you are okay now. And as messed up as that may be, do you know now that everything happens for a reason? but it doesn't mean it is any easier. when I was a kid we had a garage sale and so of course i wanted to make money, too. so, gathered up a lot of my toys and tried to sell all my starwars guys(and I had a lot) my mom bought them for nothing and held on to them. You think she would give them back to me now, I mean I was only like 6 or 7, but no she is going to sell them on ebay...nice huh!
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