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| Topic: I'm beginning to think.... | |
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If I was going to do that, I wouldn't be here at all. Especially considering the things I had to deal with from my last ex. What happened? Everything from verbal and physical abuse to actually trying to end my life. Literally. |
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Again, I have not, at any point, thought or said that it is ONLY women who do this. Many of you that have seen my posts know that I do not generalize women into the " all " group. I was just going by this post. It seemed that you were generalizing. |
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...that, judging by a lot of the posts round here lately, that women here actually HATE men. I have seen so many " Men are Pigs " and " Why are men cheaters " type threads lately, that it's making me question whether the women here ( not all of you, but an awful lot of you ) really want to find a decent guy, or whether they just want to have some place to piss and moan about how awful we all ( men ) are. People wonder why I am pessimistic about finding someone... Well...it's kinda difficult to have a positive attitude when you keep getting lumped in with all the bad stuff that " men " do. The fact that a dude has a penis automatically sets him up with at least two strikes against him. The chances of being a decent guy and finding someone who will appreciate that is pretty slim in the first place. It's that much more difficult with all of the bitter, screwed over ladies letting everyone know how much " Men Suck ". So much for a dating site avoiding gender bashing. Aren't you doing rather the same thing here? You've pretty much just stereotyped "alot of" the women on this site with this post. You can't possibly have read every single post on this site. If you had you probably would be surprised at how many women truly enjoy men and their company. I have many women friends and personally I can say that not one of them is automatically looking askew at a man simply because he possesses a penis. Wouldnt that rather be like you giving a woman two automatic strikes for having a vagina and the experience of one or two bad relationships in her life,therefore immediately putting her in the category you've defined here? If you had read all of my posts here, you would see that I do not talk to someone with the idea in mind that she is going to be like the other women I have had dealings with in my previous relationships. If I was going to do that, I wouldn't be here at all. Especially considering the things I had to deal with from my last ex. But you've just made my point. You are correct. I dont read all your posts here. Just as you dont read all the posts that women write. You might come across someone on a bad day here who is expressing her frustration one moment, only to speak of how wonderful men are the next. Yes? Perhaps. But keep in mind that perception is based on reality the vast majority of the time. A woman ( OR man ) who starts the type of thread I am referring to in my opening post, regardless of how many times she/he says men/women are the most wonderful things on the planet, still gives off the impression that at the first sign of trouble, the person they are with is simply going to write them off as a " typical " man/woman and go on their merry way. Seeing that, what would be the incentive for someone of the opposite sex to want to get involved with them? I am not, in any way, making an attempt at woman bashing. What I am trying to point out is that the attitude shown by someone who starts those kinds of threads are not helping them find someone decent. If the fact that I am somewhat cynical turns someone away from wanting to get to know me...well...so be it, I guess. I love women. I am just a natural cynic. Perception, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I read a lot of posts on this site I consider fairly random and ridiculous. Does it make me think the poster is ridiculous? Not generally. It just makes me think the post itself is. I dont always post great stuff, but I'd like to think that Im taken as a whole and not have anyone base their opinion on one post. I have in fact read some of the posts you refer to as "man bashing". And yes, the posts themselves are bashing, but I will go on to read the posters other thoughts on different forums only to find that they aren't really bashing, they've just been hurt or frustrated. But that's me. I like to dig deeper. Anyway, interesting thread you started. Take care~ |
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Again, I have not, at any point, thought or said that it is ONLY women who do this. Many of you that have seen my posts know that I do not generalize women into the " all " group. I was just going by this post. It seemed that you were generalizing. I would have thought that we would have had enough interaction to know me better than that. lol |
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 Oh for heaven sakes! Some of the responses here. I was just talking to someone about this.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, yet everyone keeps acting like they're the only ones who've ever experienced it, or their pain is SO much greater than anyone else's. You can't get through this life without pain. Without pain, there is no real joy. Negativity breeds negativity. Do whatever you need to get through it, passed it, on the other side of your disappoitments so you can open your heart to new possibilities. No one likes a gloomy gus and wallowing in your sorror or pity-seeking only keeps you where you are...alone. |
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Again, I have not, at any point, thought or said that it is ONLY women who do this. Many of you that have seen my posts know that I do not generalize women into the " all " group. I was just going by this post. It seemed that you were generalizing. I have seen so many " Men are Pigs " and " Why are men cheaters " type threads lately, that it's making me question whether the women here ( not all of you, but an awful lot of you ) really want to find a decent guy, or whether they just want to have some place to piss and moan about how awful we all ( men ) are.
There is a key phrase in my OP that seems to be getting overlooked. Notice the phrase that is in parentheses..." not ALL of you, but an awful lot of you ". Again. I was not, and am not, generalizing all women. 
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Oh for heaven sakes! Some of the responses here. I was just talking to someone about this.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, yet everyone keeps acting like they're the only ones who've ever experienced it, or their pain is SO much greater than anyone else's. You can't get through this life without pain. Without pain, there is no real joy. Negativity breeds negativity. Do whatever you need to get through it, passed it, on the other side of your disappoitments so you can open your heart to new possibilities. No one likes a gloomy gus and wallowing in your sorror or pity-seeking only keeps you where you are...alone. I'm not sure if you are referring to me with this post....but I can assure you that I am not " wallowing " in anything. When something I think is interesting strikes me, I post it. |
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I think the majority of women on here are looking for a man and not to bash them. If they want to bash men, this is not the place to do it. Go complain to your girlfriends.....I love men. I have had a couple of very hurtful relationships but I waited until I felt ready to get back out there before joining a dating site.
From what I recall, justsayhi and one or two other sites became mingle2. Not everyone on jsh was there for dating. Some were there just for the friendships. Friends seek support from one another. One wouldn't be genuine and emotionally transparent (needed in good friendships as well as love relationships of substance) if they didn't share the good and the bad. To say you are always happy and positive would be deception, because NO ONE is happy and positive ALL of the time and NO ONE has a perfect life. That's what friends are for, to listen and support. To share happiness and joy. Sometimes to give advice or a metaphorical "kick in the butt" when needed, too. 
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You might come across someone on a bad day here who is expressing her frustration one moment, only to speak of how wonderful men are the next. Yes?
= wishy-washy |
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Again, I have not, at any point, thought or said that it is ONLY women who do this. Many of you that have seen my posts know that I do not generalize women into the " all " group. I was just going by this post. It seemed that you were generalizing. I would have thought that we would have had enough interaction to know me better than that. lol Yes, but again, I was just going by what you said in this thread. Though, if you don't want someone to go by what you say in one particular thread, you can't really judge others for what they say in one particular thread. |
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The thing is, either you could send an email and get to know them personally. (As I'm not sure why so many people think that what people post in a public forum is a clear indication of the totality of a person)
Some people may use this forum simply as a venting place where they go to say what no one in their REAL life wants to listen to. Friends would listen, but it can be an added support.
.........but maybe you're here hoping beyond hope to find one that proves you wrong??
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Again, I have not, at any point, thought or said that it is ONLY women who do this. Many of you that have seen my posts know that I do not generalize women into the " all " group. I was just going by this post. It seemed that you were generalizing. I would have thought that we would have had enough interaction to know me better than that. lol Yes, but again, I was just going by what you said in this thread. Though, if you don't want someone to go by what you say in one particular thread, you can't really judge others for what they say in one particular thread. But I did make myself clear in the OP. I have yet to see a man/woman bash thread where the OP clearly states that she/he isn't referring to ALL men/women. lol |
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Oh for heaven sakes! Some of the responses here. I was just talking to someone about this.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, yet everyone keeps acting like they're the only ones who've ever experienced it, or their pain is SO much greater than anyone else's. You can't get through this life without pain. Without pain, there is no real joy. Negativity breeds negativity. Do whatever you need to get through it, passed it, on the other side of your disappoitments so you can open your heart to new possibilities. No one likes a gloomy gus and wallowing in your sorror or pity-seeking only keeps you where you are...alone. I'm not sure if you are referring to me with this post....but I can assure you that I am not " wallowing " in anything. When something I think is interesting strikes me, I post it. Nope, not specifically you. I'm referring to the general negativity in some of the replies and in the site as whole lately. |
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Oh for heaven sakes! Some of the responses here. I was just talking to someone about this.
Disappointment and hurt are part of life, yet everyone keeps acting like they're the only ones who've ever experienced it, or their pain is SO much greater than anyone else's. You can't get through this life without pain. Without pain, there is no real joy. Negativity breeds negativity. Do whatever you need to get through it, passed it, on the other side of your disappoitments so you can open your heart to new possibilities. No one likes a gloomy gus and wallowing in your sorror or pity-seeking only keeps you where you are...alone. I'm not sure if you are referring to me with this post....but I can assure you that I am not " wallowing " in anything. When something I think is interesting strikes me, I post it. Nope, not specifically you. I'm referring to the general negativity in some of the replies and in the site as whole lately. Fair enough. I agree.
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Perhaps. But keep in mind that perception is based on reality the vast majority of the time. A woman ( OR man ) who starts the type of thread I am referring to in my opening post, regardless of how many times she/he says men/women are the most wonderful things on the planet, still gives off the impression that at the first sign of trouble, the person they are with is simply going to write them off as a " typical " man/woman and go on their merry way. Seeing that, what would be the incentive for someone of the opposite sex to want to get involved with them? I am not, in any way, making an attempt at woman bashing. What I am trying to point out is that the attitude shown by someone who starts those kinds of threads are not helping them find someone decent. Let's see: To give an example from my life that would dispute this.... I am new here, for all intents and purposes. Up till this Fall, I mainly posted in the sex and dating or games and music forums....with some participation in relationships. However, I have been involved in a couple of other online community/dating sites for the past 5 years. These two sites comprise most of the same people from each. Over the years, the folks on those sites have seen my happiest times, my angriest, my saddest. They have seen my struggles and my triumphs. My trainwrecks. They have criticized me, snubbed me, supported me, laughed with me, b1tched with me, taught me, and learned from me. It took many years, but many of these people really "know" me now. Many of us, male and female on the sites have met real time. They respect and value my friendship and what I have to say and offer. On these sites, there are men that have gotten to know me and who wait patiently for the time when I am ready for genuine love. I know they are waiting, because I'm often reminded by them. lol These are REALLY GOOD GUYS and I wouldn't trade their friendship and support for the world. Some of them are not appropriate partners for me for one reason or another, but they are wonderful men that understand that sometimes patience and observation is required in seeking their prey. And, lol....when I say this, I say it with respect and in humor. In its most positive sense. Men are "hunters" and most women like to be pursued. Good hunters watch and wait, don't they.
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I'm beginning this topic has gone on long enough
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Edited by
angelindarkness
on
Sun 01/04/09 11:19 AM
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The women here take care of that kind of guy pretty efficiently. 
I'm glad. I used to have a secret smile on my face when an ex used to get set a down notch here for this very same type of behavior. I didn't have to say a word. The forum took care of itself. 
Yes, it was a BIG red flag. But that's my story and this thread is about you. Are you concerned that you'll be treated the same way your ex treated you by someone new because of the genuine, valid, negative emotions being shared on some of these threads? If so, I'd take the advice of the previous poster that said to try to get to know people individually by email - or better yet, in person, off these kinds of sites. You learn a lot about a person by their posts, but it could take years before you get to know the whole person. Outside of that, remember to do your homework and "research" the older posts of the person you are interested in. Observe their responses in the forums with an open mind and a discerning eye. And, don't forget to trust your gut and stay fast to your ideals (like some of us often forget to do). Best Wishes.
Love & Light~ |
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There are bitter people, both men and women. Do they come here right after a nasty split and take it out on the opposite sex? Yes they do. To me, I'd say that if you just got out of a relationship by being hurt, you probably shouldn't be on a dating site, because to me it's a sure fire way to never get a date again*. JMO.
(Referring to the bitter people)* |
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Nah, that would make too much sense. Can't have that.
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I don`t hate men, otherwise I wouldn`t be on this site.If anyone has had a bad relationship it shows up, it`s hard for it not to.
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