What you ladies didn't like my other santa

Looks like me on weekends

I`m also available any time of the year. Hey times are tough. A man`s gotta do what a man`s gotta do.

Aw damn {{ed}} you made me apti the rest of my tea everywhere

Dear Friends,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers-piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird ****.
On top of all this! Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my **** together and bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.

Love, Santa