...that a fledgling relationship with a man and a woman can be going
along just swimmingly, and naturally comes to a point at which the woman
will want to know where his head is with regard to moving on to
something more serious...

....but she's scared to say anything because, well, we all know HE's not
talkin'...all he has managed to say so far about it is "I don't know
what I want" ...

...and so, because of her insecurities, when pressing him for answers,
she will give off signals of those insecurities, thereby making him
insecure and more withdrawn than he was before.

If he would just be more willing to communicate with her and not be so
amfreakingbiguous none of that would ever happen.

So STOP it!!!

Men aren't the only ones who give off mixed signals.
A lot of women expect us to be able to pick up on
what they are feeling at the time when we may not
have any clue as to what they are feeling at the time.

Our brains are wired differently.

So, tell us!

Our brains are not wired differently. We all have standard UL approved
wiring.

Well, some more than others.

But ...since you brought it up, admittedly it is scary not knowing
what's okay to say, or when it's okay to say it.

So you tell me. Cuz I need to know.

Thanks.

Jeanc,,,,,WELL YES?????
Us men will always think a women shallow,,,,when SHE has to ask us WHERE
ARE HEAD IS????????
If the lady im with doesn't KNOW in inside her and has to ask me where
its at,,,,well---------sorry!!!!!! Im HURT!!!!




















Just given ya a HARD TIME,,,LOL

My UL tag is missing from my cord, but my experience to paraphrase the
song is I'd rather be sorry for something I said than for something that
I never did.

So what you're saying here is....

It has been my experience that guys are more receptive to a no-bs girl,
who is straight up about how she feels then a girl that beats around the
bush all the time, and waits for the guy to make the first
move...fellas, am i wrong?

Well I'm the world's worst at picking up signals. I have to just be told
which isn't necessarily a good thing. So if the situation was reversed I
would rather tell them what was on my mind and try not to let my
insecurities get in the way. Easier said than done I know.

I know I missed out on a lot of booty calls when I was 18 and looking
cause I was so shy and nervous, that I just did not realize when a lady
was giving me hints. FOr example, one lady I was seeing/not seeing kept
telling me she was not interested in anything more than friends, Yet I
basically lived in her apartment, helped her raise her son, and ended up
sharing her bed on the ground of comfort for watching movies. I "knew"
she was playing hard to get, and waiting for me to make the move, but I
could not get up the courage to do so, cause she would keep saying, "I
am no tlooking for a relationship".

So please, say how you =feel and what you mean, nt the opposite.

About being blunt (which I usually am) that is interesting because,
although that's what I've heard from men in internet discussions, it
seems that, in real life, the opposite is true.

Like, if you tell a guy you care about him with any amount of depth to
it whatsoever, oftentimes, to him, that's like an automatic death
sentence.

So ....okay here's a scenario...

He likes me.

I like him.

He says he's not sure that he wants a full-time commitment now but would
like to date just one person, exclusively.

He's been burned before and doesn't want to get hurt again.

There are issues that need to be addressed first before he can move on.
This might take some time..definitely about a year, at least.

At one point girl thought he might be losing interest...because of lack
of communication on his part...but he repeated what he had said some
time back, which was, "I told you it wasn't going to be easy." Made me
think that he is still interested...

Sooooooooooooo....

What I want is to get others' input as to how they would handle the
situation so I can see whether or not the way I'd typically handle it is
the same or different.

I don't want to scare this guy off...so I'm not sure ...

A) Say nothing and just let him figure out what he wants, in due course.

B) If I do say nothing, does he think I'm no longer interested?

C) If I say something, what do I say?

D) If I say something, when do I say it?

I'm not talking about saying "I love you," but I want him to have the
reassurance of knowing that I'll always be around, without taking it for
granted that I'll always be around. LOL.
Make sense?

try doing some things to "show " him instead and i don't mean sexual
..although..that is up to you

No, sex is not a factor at this point.

And I'm limited as to what I can show him. I'm limited to either telling
him or writing to him.

How about saying something like "I enjoy spending time with you and I'm
growing very fond of you. I'd like to pursue this and see where it goes.
How do you feel about that?"

Because we're not spending time with each other...

I outlined the situation in another thread but I'll briefly tell the
details.

Old HS sweetheart..dated 10 years later, lost touch. he found me again.
He is currently married.. BUT ... he is (and has been for some time)
thinking seriously of divorce ...*I* have NOTHING to do with that...this
all happened before he found me again, which was quite by accident.

We were pretty close back then but didn't date for a long period of
time...we were reminiscing via email and he told me things that he
remembered about me and did not leave out any details..in fact, he
remembered things about then that I had forgotten about! He was kidding
me about some of his coworkers flirting with a girlfriend of mine at a
baseball game and I said, yeah...I remember that. I wonder why they
didn't flirt with me? And he shot back, CUZ YOU WERE MINE!!!

Anyway..I did meet him briefly at his work to say hi and we ended up
talkign that day for a couple hours and he said I was "cute" then, but
"gorgeous" now and said he definitely wanted to see me again...blah
blah..but neither one of us wants to/will have an affair...NO WAY NO
HOW.

So...there is nothing whatsoever happening ...not seeing each other,
don't talk on phone except to say hi once a day or so, the opportunity
to talk privately does not present itself for him very often and, when
it does, I'm afraid to say anything about the situation, or feelings or
anything like that...because I'm afraid he'll think I'm pushing him..

And I guess part of it is there's no point in saying a whole lot now
because NOTHING can happen until later...if it's going to happen at all.

But still...

I'd like him to know I'm clearly interested and am going to be
interested for the foreseeable future...but I feel awkward about sharing
feelings with him at this point , even though I'm sure he knows to an
extent how I feel.

I just wonder if he realizes (or cares?) that I REALLY care about him
and am not just infatuated because he's an old flame.

I also wonder if, for instance, I tell him I'm gonna be here for him, if
he might feel an uncomfortable obligation...and he has not made any
promises...

Is it okay with men for a woman to say things that he doesn't also feel?
Or is not sure he feels? Will that influence his feelings for her one
way or the other?

How do you guys handle that kind of thing?

oh i should add he did say the one thing he liked most about me is the
comfort level he has with me. so...hmmmm...

Jean we are wired differently.

Not the physical wiring.

The wiring of the thought processes. Boys and girls are raised in
different ways by the majority of parents, teachers and communities.

There are things that girls do that just leave me staring, my mind is
kinda saying <huh>?

I am sure that there are times when a man does something that you find
totally unexplainable.

We are not wired differently...

PEOPLE...have different veiws, different upbringing..

Gender is a self created boundary.

The only thing I find that is "totally unexplainable" about men is when
they can't seem to give a straight answer to a straight question. Or
when they say they "don't know what they want." I mean, SOGOTP, you
know?

But a lot of women can be indecisive, too.

Oh, and also how some of them can be so cruel...but again, that's not a
gender thing..cuz some women are cruel, too.

Well Sheila I would give him the time and space that he needs and let
him know that you will be there when he makes a decision about wanting
something more serious and go about your life in the meantime!!!!!!

Only he can do what needs to be done with his situation and it's not
fair for you to sit in limbo while he does....Tell him how you feel and
what you need and you realize that he can't give you those things right
now but to let you know when he can!!!!

thanks...I had definitely considered that, and I'm not sitting around
waiting..I'm still going to date if I meet a guy I want to go out with.

I guess I am getting some pretty good signals from him...or at least I
think i am...you know how guys are, though..they're always so
ambiguous...so that later, if you say ..well, what about when you
did/said so-and-so, they can always claim, "Well, I didn't mean it THAT
way..."

lol