they wish they could take back.

These are pretty entertaining.

1.Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic snatch and jerk event: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warmup and it was amazing.”

2.Ted Walsh, horse racing commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”

3.Grand Prix race announcer: “The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is identical to the one in front of the similar one in back.”

4.Greg Norman, pro golfer: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

5.Ringside boxing analyst: “Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing – but none of them really that serious.”

6.Baseball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”

7.Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”

8.At a trophy ceremony for a 1998 BBC TV boat race: “Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford Crew.”

9.Metro Radio, college football: “Julian d**ks is everywhere. It's like they've got 11 d**ks on the field.”

10.US Open TV commentator: “One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?!!”

"Look at that little monkey run!!"
-Howard Cosell


he got fired for that, but it turns out that "little monkey" was something he always called his grandkids and people he liked and wasn't racial at all

You could write a book of Cosellisms.

I bet someone already has. When i was a kid we'd listen to him for awhile, mute the game and regroup, then listen some more.

He was a piece of work.

The Denver Bears minor leauge baseball announcer said this on TV. "He's rounding first and headed to second and slides in for a stand up double." Many good ball players came out of Denver
1. Billy Martin- manager
2. Andre Dawson
3. Tim Raines
4. Greg Nettles
5. Gary Sheffield

Yogi Berra was quite confusing...yet funny...

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.


"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was
talking too much."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

"I made a wrong mistake."


"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

"I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."
"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise,
they won't come to yours."

Bob Uecker guest commentated at WrestleMania IV alongside Jesse Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon in '88. He had appeared as a guest in the booth the previous year, and I think Ventura was under direct orders to be nice to him, because it seemed like the normally biting Ventura was holding back...

Not so the following year. The opening match was a battle royal, and the finish had Bad News Brown doublecross Bret Hart out of the winner's trophy. Hart got revenge by smashing the trophy to bits.

Uecker stated, "That's why I never wanted to win MVP, just for reasons like that!"

Ventura quiped, "Ueck, I don't believe you were ever in the runnin' for MVP."

Trying his damnedest to ignore Ventura, who had been egging him on all night, Uecker repeated, "just for reasons like that!"

Said Ventura, "That's why you batted 250, eh, Ueck? That'll keep you out of that runnin'."

Uecker took it all in stride. When it came time for him to leave the booth, his voice was full of sunshine. But then he gets up to leave, and the camera almost missed it, and Uecker has this nasty scowl on his face.

Not in the same category, but a nice tautology from baseball player Todd Walker: "Last year was just so incredibly unbelievable".