HOLIDAY EATING

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts
carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And
quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time
of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnog'oholic or something. It's a
treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later
than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it.
That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand
alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if
they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's
skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a
party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's
food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you
exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in
January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time
for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and
a vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good
at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the
shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and
don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to
see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin,
Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted,
it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but
avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel
terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table,
you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start
over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember
this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the
grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn
out and screaming 'WOO-HOO, what a ride!'"

wow. Great tips.

Lets EAT!!!!!

I heard if you shivver and drink ice water you can burn calories!!!


Eat and stand in the snow!!!