awwww as hard as it is Kitt to see them go through it...that is all we can do. And be their to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts...Who is to say why one person falls in love with another...and even if we know they are the biggest flakes to us.....no matter because they are not our choice but theirs.

So just be there and that is all you can do.

great advice guys and i know you are all right. its just frustrating. her and i talked a little, but what i have to say in all honesty is the last thing she wants to hear from her mommy. i wont lie to her though or sugar coat things, she knows that, i never did, even when she was little. im more a realist when it comes to the ways of life with her.

to answer some of your questions, she is 20. she has known this guy all her life. it is a son of a very good friend of mine. he has been in prison for 18 months, got out, went back to jail within 60 days, got out, went back within 30 and just got out after 90 more days in jail. mostly drug related. i thank the lord above she isnt into that stuff. she goes to church faithfully, but him recently getting back out scares us all that she will stray. she doesnt have the backbone to say no to this guy. today again, she ran right to him when he called. made me sick, but i kept my mouth shut. she knows how we all feel about it. my other worry as ive told her is being at the wrong place at the wrong time. she doesnt have to be "involved" with the drugs and such but by being there, if something were to happen, she would go down with the ship. ive asked her many occasions, if it came down to it, do you really believe he would take the fall to cover your butt? heck no, he would throw you under the bus if he thought it was gonna save his tush!!! ughhhhh

i guess all i can do is pray, love her and hope for the best. i was young and stupid once or twice too lol.....

My goodness what a hard situation,I don't have any children but I can hear your pain.It must be so frustrating.I hope the best for you and your daughter.

I apologize for the current situation you have with your daughter, and i think it is best that you can be by her side. Nevertheless it is also important to give her advice and make her realize the gravity of the situation. A guy whos been in jail for that amount of time will have no place for him in the future. I too had had my share of romantic troubles with my friends.
We men (not all of us) tend to make really bad choices in our lives, but if someone just wants your for your money...thats just low.

but anyways, I root for you and your daughter!

Life is full of surprises!

hi,i've been a counselour for many years,but my advice is based on the way i would handle things.all you can really do is trust that you raised your daughter well.everyone gets taken for a ride eventually and you can't help her with that.but,what you can do is go to your biggest male friend.must be a good friend....slide him a hundred bucks to meet this young man with a baseball bat and explain to him that this type of behaviour will not be tolerated and that his girls family will always be involved in herlife.my bad......i guess it's a seattle thing.

LISTEN, ITS CRAZY AND U WANT THE BEST FOR UR DAUGHTER U KNOW SHE IS DATING A LOSER THE PROBLEM IS THAT SHE DOESN'T REALIZE IT- OR THE GUY IS INTIMIDATING TO HER A BULLY. SHE ALLOWS HIM TO WALK OVER HER IT SOUNDS LIKE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND
SHE NEEDS TO KNOW HER SELF WORTH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. ONLY U AND LOVE ONES CAN SHOW HER THESE THINGS AND GIVE HER THE GAME. MEANING WHEN SHE TELLS U SOMETHING THINK WHAT AND HOW U SHOULD TELL HER SHE IS BEING USED. SAY THINGS HE WOULD SAY TO HER AND PLAY IT OUT AND THEN TELL HER THATS HOW HE WILL RESPOND TO HER AND GIVE EXAMPLES OF HOW HE HAS USED HER PREVIOUSLY.SHOW HER THAT HE IS NOT REAL AND IS RUNNING A GAME ON HER.

Well put it my friend. I sometimes wonder why girls like to end up with no-good for nothing guys. Its a strange concept but its true. Nevertheless keep striving to show you daughter that the guy she is with is not worth it. he will probably never achieve anything with the way things are...especially for going to jail so many times...

you know, i must admit, i am a bit suprised by the response on this thread by men. the advice you give is wonderful and uplifting and assuring me that i am doing the best i can with her and the situation. you guys are all great and i thank you all from the heart! xoxoxo

Yep...sounds like she's at the steepest point in the learning curve... bless'r heart

(((allen)))) good to see ya darlin...hope all is well.

Its so hard to watch. problem is i do care about the boy, ive known him all my life and practically raised him for years when he was little. he had so much potential....so so so much, he was always fun loving, hard working, totally funny and heartfelt. drugs ruined him. he was also a product of his environment unfortunately. he used to beg to live with me when he was young. he loved the "family" atmosphere we had at our house. He was such a good kid. so in a way, my heart breaks for him too. but, my loyalty and first priorty is my babygirl, whom im so frightened for. she has good morals and was raised right. she is trying so hard for the strength, but he keeps sucking her back in.....ughhhhh just keep your fingers crossed for her and remember her in your prayers! thanks all!!!!

(((Kitt))) same to you sweetie

As you know already the two hardest things about being a parent are letting go, and watching your children make their own mistakes and then hopefully making the best of them...

And as for "him", I'm sure it is heartbreaking but you're right, you're HER host, not his...

allen, you so rock darlin!

How about taking her to an Al-Anon or NA group to let them talk to her. I bet they could tell her what life is really like, may be a real eye opener for her.

Another option is a battered women's group, but if she isn't battered, a battered women's group likely wouldn't be appropriate, but they deal with many of the same issues of the way the men control and manipulate the women. They could show her what she is likely heading for down the road.

You said she goes to church, does the church have any kinds of youth groups that deal with issues like this? Have you talked to the pastor? They have to keep things confidential. He/She may have some ideas also.

She will likely balk at going, but if you can get her to just one meeting to hear some of the input from these people who have been in the same place she is now maybe it will open her eyes. Just my thoughts. I hope she opens her eyes soon and moves on. It is a very hard position to be in. So sorry you are going through this.

My friend is going through this exact same situation right now. It f'n sucks because she is one of the coolest people i have ever met, but yet she lets this crack head (LITERALLY!!) walk all over her

Please guide her to Nar-Anon. They help people learn how to not be enablers.

yes, she is aware of all of this. she does have low self esteem and i cant figure out why. she is absolutely gorgeous and everyone tells her constantly. she jsut got a new job and they told her straight up they hired her to be upfront for the clients because she is so bubbly and beautiful. her manager is trying to get her to go out with him lol oh boy....another saga lol jk

yes, the pastor knows. he is her pawpaw. he talks to her and she looks up to him big time. he is helping her some to cope.

Sorry you have to worry about your daughter. I well know how it feels. I have and adult child who seems to be determined to tolerate a selfish bully who has driven away many friends and family members and uses the children to get whatever.

My first thought was to shake my head and wonder why females want to be attracted to the "bad boys."

It appears that, as a human, a person cannot pull back from themselves and notice the type of person they are dating in a situation like this.

How abusive is it to call someone, have them get ready to go out, then to stand them up. Man, that's gotta hurt like hell.

She needs exposure to other guys. It could be though, that this guy has her so scared with threats and such, that she fears going out with somebody else due to the possibility of retaliation from this Mr. Jailhopper dude.

I am thinking that she finds it a bigger challenge to date this guy then to date some guy that hasn't been to jail, etc. The "nice guys" probably seem like whimps compared to Mr. Jailhopper. What she needs is one of these "nice guys" to stand up for her in front of Mr. Jailhopper.

What she needs is a MAN... but all she is giving herself to is a juvenile delinquent in a man's clothing.

Let her read this thread.....

Send Mr. Jailhopper over to my house and I'll put the fear of God in him... LOL. Tough guy, huh.... hahahahahahaha

C'mere you whimpy little girl abuser, come to Jimbo for like five minutes.... you need a lesson in how to treat a lady.

He sounds like a doper or a drinker... the pattern exists...

Might want to have your daughter taken in for a random drug test.... if she's done anything in the last 30 days or so, they can tell. Then you will know what you are up against. It may be more powerful than hormones. Could be some seriously powerful dope involved with her bad decision making system.

You need to find out, and it does no good whatsoever to ask face-to-face. Druggers are experts at lying.

Ever find any paraphernalia, pipes, bongs, mysterious little baggies, aluminum foil that shouldn't be there in that spot, BIC lighters, rolling papers, anything? Even one time, even if she swears up and down it was the ONLY time... she's in.

And most likely Mr. Jailhopper is her supplier. Or, he introduced her to it. Or she had tried it before, and it became a part of her relationship with him.

Could be any drug. Could be none. Could be she just needs to grow the hell up and become a woman and stop hanging out with jerks like this. It isn't much good for her reputation.

When the good guys find out she has dated a loser like this... well... they might run. Once you got a reputation, it hangs with you for years.

"Oh, you're the chick that used to go out with Mr. Jailhopper"...

((YIKES>>>))

Oh, to be young and stupid again...

LOL

My best advice is to pray.

Prayer changes thing. You can bank on that.

Just let her figure it out on her own. Maybe she has self esteem issues that makes her think she won't find someone better. Sometimes we have to learn the hard lessons on our own. Just be there when she does figure it out. I have 3 daughters of my own, and my heart breaks for you. God bless.