A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

carnation(a flower?)

GOOD ONE JT !!!

thats great

Cute!

Ever heard the musings of an ER nurse? I have more ........


1. Don't tell me you have abdominal pain as you eat Doritos's in my triage room

2. If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing that I will ask you is how you are getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you home, and don't tell me you don't want to 'bother' one of your family members at this hour. You had no problem bothering 911 for the back pain you've had for 3 months.

3. You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate me and I will probably miss your IV on purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially to prove a point.

4. 'Butterfly' is not an IV size, this word signals me to put in a larger bore needle



5. Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not in severe pain, are not vomiting or pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting room.

6. How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but be able to yell at me about the wait after you just put down a magazine you were reading?

7. Don't ever say things like, 'I usually get 4 mg of Dilaudid.' Requesting your med and dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the medication before I inject, and then lie about the dosage.

8. If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already assumed that you are a drug seeker

9. If you came to the ER having a family doctor appointment that same day, I will make sure that you are still in the department well past the time of your original appointment

0. I don't care if you are a neighbor of the GI specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly

11. Just because, 'My Doctor sent me here,' does not mean you get right back to a treatment room. This tells me you are a pain in the ass, and he's pawning you off

12. The louder you whine, the bigger size IV needle you get

13. Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure intoxicated people

14. If you are on more than 2 medications at home, bring a list. Don't say, 'You know, that little white pill.' I'm not a pharmacist

15. RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.

16. Don't ***** about missing breakfast when I'm on the ninth hour of my shift and haven't peed yet

17. What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat for a week while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for pneumonia and I'm still at work.

18. Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape down there and kicking you out.

19. I am currently inventing a trap door system in triage to be triggered when you say the word 'toothache.'

20. Cover your mouth when you cough/belch. This is common courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to fart in your room, and then close the door.

21. If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you are a loser.

22. If you list Haldol, geodon, Xanax, trazadone, and ativan as allergies, don't tell me you have no psych history.

23. Never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed to write 'penile sores' or 'foul smelling discharge.' This will piss me off that I bumped you ahead of other people and I'll make your visit horrific.

24. Although you've been in the ER four times this week, we cannot list the ER doctor as your family physician.

25. Do not talk to me while I'm trying to listen to your lungs.

26. Don't tell me you have no money for medicine while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone,) and each of your seven children are playing their own PSP's.

27. Gravida 7 (7th pregnancy) at age 22 with various fathers means you're a slut.

Kinda harsh.

I once told the ER nurse to not put a IV in the back of my left hand. When she did it anyway, the muscle in my hasd spasmed and blood went everywhere.

{{JT}} Funny joke!!!

someone needs to move to another dept.

Guess that's what he gets for being a butt!

I don't get this. My mom has fibromyalgia and it is debilitating. And I'm having a hard time remembering when nurses were qualified as judges. And i asked my nurse friend if being a beotch/asshole is in the job description and she said no. The best nurses and doctors are known for their kind disposition and bedside manners. You seem to need a change of occupation.