Some signs that a potential partner is emotionally UNavailable.

1. Beautiful people, unfortunately, sometimes grew up with the message
that their looks are everything. They may have difficulty engaging in
the mutuality of a sharing relationship because they have learned to
search for gratification elsewhere. Time may change this, however.

2. Addicts are attracted to a number of different objects(alcohol,
drugs, work, food, television, shopping,gambling, sex...), and may not
be able to sustain anemotional relationship – not with you, anyway.

3. To the intellectualizer, emotions are turbulent andunpredictable.
Everything has to analyzed, quantified and categorized. Control is
everything. Sharing feelings within a relationship is seen as dangerous
folly.

4. A relationship with a person suffering from narcissistic personality
disorder is one-sided, in favor of the narcissist. They have a sense of
grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy – so that
they are more interested in self-love than love based on mutual sharing.

5. The keeper of secrets probably has some strongboundaries – or walls
– in place, and is unable to engage in an emotionally available
relationship. If your partner has a private life from which you are
excluded, there are probably serious trust issues which undermine the
success of a sharing commitment.

Janey,
I beg to differ.
Speaking as an extremley handsome man, I'm emotionally available no
matter how many beers I drink while watching sports on my large screen
T.V.(with surround sound). I'm smart enough to know that you see,
because I've figured it all out with a series af charts and graphs. I
know that everyone sees me and wants to be apart of me, just hand with
the big guy, But I can't just be there for everbody because... Well ,
I'd rather not talk about that.......It's none of your buissness,
Alright?

Hey there......that's some wise advice, and I must say you have hit the
nail on the head regarding some people, a few I've known and dated.
Even though some may have these character flaws (as we all have flaws of
our own) I believe everyone deserves a chance. None of us are perfect.
Even emotionally unavailable people can have a change of heart for the
right person. An open mind is an open heart. Pessimism and picking out
others' flaws only leaves us with a closed mind to those certain
individuals. There is good in everyone, even though it may not be
apparent on the surface. Good luck to you on the dating scene!!

BigG.....I almost fell for it! Good thing you added the winky face at
the bottom, lol! Cheeky boy!

Unattached, I agree people can and do change. Only if they WANT to
though. Waiting for someone to change your life for you will never
happen nor bring you true happiness. To be loved, you have to love
yourself. After that, I believe anything is possible.

Good post girl. It took me a long time for me to love myself and I was
blessed with a wonderful man because of it.

Life is grand...and no "unavailability" here.

Blanca....it's so great that you found that love within yourself and now
have someone in your life to share that love and true happiness with. I
am so happy for you girl!

I imagine nothing is more difficult or painful than loving or trying to
love someone who is not ready or willing. I wonder if a person actually
know's they are not emotionally unavailable, in their heart's?

Way I see it, we could all be categorized and compartmentalized in some
kind of negative fashion. We all have positive traits and negative
traits.

I can see the point of the original post to an extent--if things are
taken to the extreme--but, basically, what this says to me is more of
the same, "You aren't worth dating unless you are perfect." And/or, from
the other person's perspective," "They're not worth dating unless you
see them as perfect."

Nowadays, the whole "baggage claim" or "check your baggage" or "you'd
better not have any flaws, imperfections, never have gotten hurt in your
life, can't ever be jealous, can't ever be angry, never have made any
mistakes, done any drugs, drank or smoked, etc., etc., etc.," else you
be labeled as having TRUST ISSUES or BAGGAGE...God forbid...just really
doesn't sit well with me at all.

And people rally around, cheering on such attitudes because ... God
forbid ... we don't DARE admit we are imperfect, fallible human beings.

Well, that's a complete fallacy right there. It is because of this kind
of attitude that makes many people want to hide their imperfections,
their past baggage, etc., and it is because of that, also, that
relationships later fail since, after a while, the "truth" about a
person comes out. You can't hide your underlying character forever.

I am a completely imperfect human being. I have lots of "bad" qualities,
I suppose. I put "bad" in quotes because I don't think they're really
"bad," per se, but certainly are just not as "perfect" as they could be.
Oh well. So sue me. I'll bet (you) are no better than I am and have your
own skeletons to contend with.

In my life, I've been horribly hurt and used by men. My father was
psychologically abusive, and I've been lied to, cheated on, raped,
beaten by one guy (not a guy I was seeing; he was a stranger who stole
my car), been treated with disrespect, or, perhaps worst of all, treated
with complete indifference.

Because of that, I find it very hard to trust men. And that somehow mars
MY personality??? That makes ME have "trust issues?" Ha!!! I don't THINK
so!!!!

In spite of all the hurt, anger and pain, I still adore men and I'm
still trying to find one whom I can completely trust, one who will love
me and respect me as much as I would him, one who fully understands and
appreciates what COMMITMENT is all about, and one who realizes that
there is a lot more to a woman than her shaking her boobs at him or
cleaning his toilets, cooking his meals or bearing his children.

Anyway...not arguing the basic premise of the original post; I often
will look at various sides of an issue and ...far be it from me not to
add my viewpoints on it, as I'm one who often views things from another
perspective. That's just me.

sheila, Im so very sorry to hear such things. While we all have our
imperfection's and mistakes, I always take such commentary's and
article's with a grain of salt and that's why we post them and discuss
what was stated.

I for one don't post to incite negativity or to foster derrogatory
feelings between the sexes, only to initiate discussion on the topic.
Trying to break down barriers, false perception's, labelling and
stereotyping.

Am thinking of just not posting anymore if post's are used to dump on
the messenger. Peace.

For goodness' sake, Jane. I'm speaking to the content of the post...not
to the POSTER....so don't take my comments so personally. If I mean to
say something about the PERSON, I will make it quite clear it's them I'm
referring to.

If a person is going to post a topic in a public forum, they need to be
prepared to accept all viewpoints they receive about it.

That you may not like what I had to say is no skin off my teeth, but it
had NOTHING to do with you, personally.

I'm thankful for intellectual posts like yours, rather than the humdrum,
would you do the person above you ones.

And what I'm saying is that people should stop trying to be perfect, or
expect people to be perfect. We should strive to be the best we can be,
but my opinion about the whole "baggage" thing and "trust issue" thing
still stands.

It's funny how rarely do you ever see the perpetrator blamed for his/her
flawed character, but typically the victim.

"If you've been hurt and you have problems trusting people, you have
TRUST ISSUES."

Well, how about (as I've often said before), "No, I don't have TRUST
ISSUES...I have ISSUES with people who cannot be TRUSTED."

That's all I'm trying to say.

Sheila, you could very well be right in that everyone has their past
hurt. Everyone. I guess it’s how we each deal with them. Someone told
me this morning I needed thicker skin, lol. I came to this community
with thin and scrapped skin but post and contribute in a positive and
optimistic manner versus letting it consume me. Not sure why I look
and hope to see that in your post’s but don’t. Nor do I know why they
affect me at all. My bad. I need to work a little on this.

Presenting and surrounding self with such, rather than negativity all
the time is a better way to heal, for me anyway. I know I am on the
right track.

A step back and to the naughty chair for a bit.

Jane, your doing great, hang in there.
Everyone has different ways of expressing themselves.

jane? this is coming from someone who says they won't date someone due
to hair color

Jane, someone told YOU you need thicker skin? Ha! When I saw your posts
"over there," I instantly became one of your biggest fans, staunchest
supporters. For I really admire a person who is not afraid to speak up,
a person of strong conviction.

(Going to spend the day with my daughter...but I'll be bok)...

i agree with the post, I'm not sure where i fit in but it's probably in
the walls and boundaries area. i'll have to work on that,LOL

Well the post is a very good one and states alot of true reasons why
some are emotionally unavailable. But truth is most that have those
problems do not even see them thereselves. We all have problems with
trust to and extent it is common nature to after you have had it stomped
on my others a few times we all seem to step back and take a second look
before we give our all.

But you should keep posting girl for these type of topics do make others
think. Now when I post one of these type of topics have learned at the
bottom to say I did not write it and wanted to see what others opinions
are. lol

For even tho alot of these topics bring forth a lot of good points there
are still some thingws I would disagree with.

For even tho some seem to be emotionally unavailable, at times there can
he a deeper issue behind the reason and no one has taken the time to
really see that person for the one they truly are. Sure there are some
ya might be wasting your time trying to figure them out. But if you try
and you cannot possibly help them see there issues in order for them to
really see them at least you can say I tried and move on. But then at
times you can get over that wall they have built for themselves they
thought they were safe behind and they realize that the wall they had
built was based on there issues within and not what otheres had done to
them but what they did themselves. True no one can change them but
themselves. At times it takes someone taking the time to make us see
ourselves within before we can start fixing our problems only we can
fix. For if we are the ones that are considered as being emotionally
unavailable funny how we don't see that we have that problem sometimes
it takes something to happen that shakes our world to really look within
and see we are the ones that pushed others away from getting close to
us. That is a hard and rude awakening but it happens all the time. But
at times when others say something that we let get too us. Hummm read it
back over or really think about it and focus on what really got under
your skin. For sometimes the thing that hit us wrong at times is because
those could be some of our own issues within we have or have not dealt
with and take an offense to it. But always rememeber that is only there
opinion of what they see. At times if you take a second look and think
about them you can see some very good strong points they do have for no
two people will agree complety. Debates about a subject is that your
opinion and others laid out on a line to see. Don't mean we will ever
agree all the way we are just pointing out what we see and believe what
is right or wrong. But at times if done in per say a debat form we just
might have to agree they do have a strong point on the subject and just
might change our minds on the subject a bit and make us see it in a
differnt way. That is not a bad thing just goes to show that we have an
open mind and can realize at times that hey I have been looking at that
wrong and can see there points. But never let someone ever get to you to
a point that you will not voice your opinion for if you do then you are
taking a step back from all you have strived for in your own life.
Anywho just my opinion the way I see it.

Big Papa, I don't know WHAT your beef is with me, but what I said was
I'm not ATTRACTED, generally, to men with blond or red hair. I have
dated men who had blond hair or red hair, however. We all have
PREFERENCES, you know? Get over it.

Humm well hate to say I will not and have never dated someone that has
red hair yeah it is an issue with some deep roots with me. But sorry no
way.

I dont want to talk about it!!!

Awwwwww come on hon what is wrong did ya find out you actually fit into
more than one of those issues lol

LOL,,,,Tex,,,,