just because they were able to get over someone so fast that everyone else should beable to do the same? Yes it has been a year since my wife said she was leaving but I still hurt inside. Some part of me I guess always will. I lost my family, my life that day. Everything that I had worked so hard for walked right out the door and everyone tells me to just get over it. Are they right? Should I still feel so much pain about something that happened a year ago?

There is no schedule, no timetable for this sort of thing. Everyone works through it in their own way. People who are trying to rush you through it, people who think you should be healing on their schedule, are just insensitive. Ignore them -- they're not in your shoes.

the loss of a relationship whether it be by divorce or just and ending is very much the same as "death". It is the death of that said relationship. Some people it takes a short time to recover, others it takes years or maybe not at all. It just depends on the person. Like Lex said, ignore them. It will work out for you in your own time.

Wounds to the heart are hard to heal. Everyone is different, one of my friends falls in love over the week end, and 3 days later she falls out of love. I've been divorced for several years and I feel the same way you do. I can only hope it will heal completely one day

Everyone is different. There's no timeline. I don't know anyone who can really get over something like that very quickly.

well i wonder why did she leave?
just because one day she woke up and decided to leave or there were underlying reasons for her to leave.

if it's the latter then are you sure you worked as hard as you claim, if not then you are not getting over it because you have not been able to determine where did you fail, and therefore, you probably are scare to find somebody else and fail again.

Just my reasoning from your statement, not judging at all.

i myself have thought about this......yes we had started to have our probloms after the baby was born.....i was 29 she was 21.....i thought we should go in one direction she thought she needed to go in another.......i knew it was time to grow up and take care of my family were she thought it was time to party and have a good time......i did try and compromise and do the things she wanted but she felt as though I was never making enough effort to enjoy the things that she did......

Then my friend you need to realize that no matter how much you loved her, no matter how much it hurts, she was not the right woman for you.
Starting from this premise you have to keep moving, sadly the world does not stop just because we are down, hurt, or broken.
We need to get going no matter what.
And if you keep going somewhere down the road the real woman who is right for you, the one who will love for who you are, and make you the happiest man alive will show up eventually.

Thank you for this advice, I also needed to hear it....

I am not trying to trivialize your feelings, but I have a suggestion that is quite simple. Yes, it is easier said than done, but only if you are not dedicated to the idea.

Forgive her. Forgive yourself. That is it.

Blame and focusing on events that are past are good for only one thing; to learn about yourself and develop tools to prevent those same mistakes from happening, providing they were in your power in the first place.

a lot of wisdom.
the first step in healing is compassion, and compassion leads to forgiveness.

some people separate easier, for they are the separators, and are prepared better for it, and have lost their feelings toward their mate, and the suprized almost never heals fully, but can gain great wisdom from it if their heart was pure, and it was a technical (non-cheating) separation. even when there was no answer put forth, for we have to delve into ourselves to our deepest points to heal, which brings eventually a peace with-in us, for we have to come to terms with ourselves and what other advice we are given along the way to help our path to even us out again to start over, or to choose maybe to be alone. what-ever the outcome, we're better for it if we listen....the answer is always there if we listen to our deeper selves.

some pain never goes away...it also feels good to acknowledge and nurture it from time to time...

Because....

a true partner needs to be the best topping on the cake to each other, and not an emotional burden, or our everything, for we need to persue our own dreams too, but as an understanding, supporting team, not a conditional ring with a fence

I quite don't agree. People are not meant to be in pain. People are in pain for a long period of time because they want to.
I understand when the impact is really close, it's hard to recover, but eventually the pain must go.
Even people who have had car accidents are in extreme pain, however, with the right treatment the body starts recovering. The body has its ways of healing itself.
Therefore, it follows that the soul and the heart must have their ways of healing themselves after a period of time.
However, if after a reasonable period of time is still in pain for something that happen 10 years ago well, I'd say that person is just addicted in an unhealthy way to pain and suffering.

law of attraction!!!!^^^

absolutely correct. I give it another name, though.

I was just getting ready to say that. It is easier said than done, but when its said, compassion has to be a factor.......

if people can put effort getting into,maintaining or getting out of a relationship,they can put effort into getting over a relationship