Seeing "several other women"? I see women all the time. I have lots of male and female friends, and I don't make friends based upon sex or sexuality. My maternal uncle and my younger brother are both gay.

It appears that people are taking "meet the kids" as 'wanting to marry'. This isn't necessarily healthy for you or the kids, or the person you're dating.

I've met kids on the first date, and I've dated women for over a year without meeting the kids, and I've reached the decision that I won't date women who won't let me even meet the kids. They're always hiding something.

The kids I've met during the first date were aware that it was a 'friend' or 'date' and were pretty damn cool about it. I get "do you really like my mom" pretty frequently, and I love that question.

The women who had kids I never met were pretty messed up emotionally from prior relationships, controlling, or overly religious, so I do not feel that I'm missing anything good with them.

I have kids too. Ladies, you are not alone in this. My kids met many of the women I dated, but there were also many that they never met. I let life guide me, and what developed was a pattern that worked very well. I meet the woman once on a friendship date. No kissing, no anything. Just food, a walk, talking, and deciding if there will be a 2nd date. On the 2nd date they meet my kids. I do this at a park or movie or something fun for my kids. I make no effort to plan it around the woman.

There are few absolutes in life. Breaking the rules is ok. Being faithful to yourself is ok. If more women had good self esteem, more of them would have met my kids.

When I see fear, lingering emotions from the last trainwreck, and a history of broken relationships, I avoid them. I broke up with a beautiful Japanese Heiress in Seattle because she drank too heavily and had serious emotional problems. Money and Beauty do not make a good mom.

At the same time, I do not date women who weigh more than I do, and I'm not thin. The third or fourth date will usually be hiking, biking, or other physical activity. I don't even have to bother telling you what women do not show up for those. Women who skip that date never see me again unless they invite me on something equally rigorous.

Over the years, my kids grew up. Now they're adults, and they're dating too, and guess what? They learned how to date from me, and they're VERY selective. I'm always happy with who I meet that they are seeing, but neither of my sons have picked a long term partner just yet. They both have women that they are interested in, but taking their time.

That's good, because I raised them to wait until after college to get married. Nobody should try to start a family before they have a career or at least a lifestyle.

We talk very openly, and my kids know I trust them. I've often deferred to their judgment when they didn't like someone, because what's the point of dating anyone my kids hate? Twice they've noticed alcoholism before I did, because the woman let her guard down in front of my kids but not around me.

So, very long story short, I can't see a single thing wrong with allowing your kids to not only SEE who you date, but to VETT your dates. Good people come through. Bad people do not. The kids not only are not harmed by this, but it builds a strong relationship with you into their adulthood.

Of course, if you date criminals or crack whores, that's your own problem, and you should not have kids.

~D

Somehow I do not see Vetting your parents dates as a child's job regardless of their age. If you need your children to see someone is bad news then I would suggest looking at your own decision process rather than making the child your peer. I would never want the responsibility of picking my parents "dates" and I do not even see it as the parents job to pick my partners.

I agree. If the man isn't good enough for my kids to meet the first date then I don't want to be around them. I watch how they treat my kids and that's normally a good indication how they will treat me.

I think that the first few dates are a good vetting process for you to see if the person is good enough to meet your kids. I also believe in the slow meeting process. The first time is right before a date, the second maybe a quick lunch... etc. My son is 6, and I don't want to meet every girl I date, but he knows I go out on dates. That being said, I have a lot of female friends that he has met. Usually my first challenge is finding a girl that is willing to accept a man with a child.

--Craig

I think once you work out what type of relationship you are going to have.

5 months

That's long enough

Its tricky for me it takes a while cause you don't want your child to get all connected to someone , then you break up. But you don't want to hide your kids either. I honestly have only dated one person in my sons life that I felt could meet my son and thats because he had a kid the same age. Ok thats a odd reason we also knew each other for years lol

long time for me too

Define long time too. Blinking of the eye could be a long time to some. Not me but some ppl I know.

Not necessarily. Some guys will put on an act because they know if they treat your kids good, that's their ticket to getting you. The majority of guys aren't like this, but let's face it, there are players out there who are good at their game.

Well I guess it will depend on the guy but, is up to you anyway 4 to 6 months is ideal I think you are comfortable and you already know if you had pay attention on the way he acts around other children or his kids.

Having grown up in a home of revolving men and never knowing who would be in my kitchen in the morning, I'm very careful of who my son met. Actually, in 2 1/2 years he only met 2 people I've dated, one who was a very good friend before we started dating and my current boyfriend, who he met only AFTER I was sure there was a relatively good chance we'd be together for a while.

It was very damaging to me and my siblings to be involved with so many men. My mom had lots and lots of boyfriends, some of whom we got close to before they just disappeared from our lives. I won't do that to my son.

its good that you got that from your childhood

For me, and because my son has special needs, I generally chat on the phone for quite awhile before even meeting someone. I tell them everything about my son before I meet,its easy to tell how their whole demeanor changes once I tell them about him and all of his special needs. I can't have it come as a shock to them, I want to know up front if they are willing to accept him or not. If not, then why even bother taking it much further than chatting on the phone.

Well he met my kids tonight.

It wasn't a planned thing and it was much earlier than I would have anticipated, but it just happened. Things flowed right and it seemed natural to involve them and see how things went. I was quite impressed with how he handled it. He told my daughter that he thought her mom was a special person and would she mind if we went out on more dates. Overall it went just fine and I think my children were very receptive to having a man around the house again.

I too have a special needs child and she would not stop talking to him. She just really seemed happy and at ease. That goes a long way in my book. Even if things don't turn into a long term deal, we have made a special friend whom we will be glad to have a part of our lives. It's all in how you handle it.

Sounds like it turned out well. That is very cool!

Thank you! It's so odd for even me to think of myself as having a boyfriend..... It's been such a long time since I felt appreciated in that way. I was glad to get the acceptance from the kids and know that they won't feel threatened by mom seeing someone.

mostly
I just keep them away from my kid

When I meet a man I am interested in dating I will allow my son to meet them in the beginning. I want to see how he reacts to my son and how well they get along.

Of course everything is kept platonic around my son so its really no different than any one of my guy friends. If I were to have the guy stay overnight he would come after my son went to bed and leave in the morning before my son woke up!