Is it okay for your spouse, or long-term partner to have a friend in a oppose sex?
Not a friend at work, but outside of work. Homieboy come over late at night,
Because he got into a fight. And she go over to his house or her house late at
night. I’m not cool with that, so what ya’ll think?
It didn’t happen to me yet.

Yeah I don't blame you on that one. If a girl I was with wanted to go over late at night to another guys house I would be a little weary of it myself.

Well i think it largely depends on if they were around before the spouse.

I have a long term partner, and i also have male friends i spend time with. My bf doesnt seem to mind at all, cos he knows they r just friends. They were there from before i met him, and i think that makes all the difference. My bf has a good female friend, and i dont mind him spending time with her, cos again, she was always there, before i appeared.

IF however, it is a NEW friend, i would be uncomfortable.

I wouldn't like it if my guy did that. But, sometime's friend's are just that. She should have gone over the next day, it would have looked better.

is it the fact that she has a friend.....or is it the hours they keep?

I think it's ok to have friends of the opposite sex but when your bf/gf is spending alot more time with them than you then there is a big problem. Also if they run to them everytime you have a problem rather than working it out with you then again that would be a problem...

No.Is not OK.

I agree. How can she help him late at night?

Yes, It's okay. The right girl is the girl you can trust. The quicker she ****s up, the faster you can realize you have the wrong girl. You don't want to be one of those guys wasting all his time making sure she's faithful

Yes, it would be (and has been) totally okay in my book.

Want to know why?

Because when I have been, or when I am again, in a committed relationship - it would be based on that little thing we all SHOUT at the top of our lungs and find it so necessary to plaster on our profiles that is an absolute MUST in a relationship: TRUST.

I must admit, the responses so far in this forum don't shock me one bit - especially from the women.

If I couldn't trust my mate with a friend of hers, than there are more serious issues that need to be addressed - within myself.

WTH.....

run as fast as you can

Trust no-one

In the above scenario, I would not be ok with it. I would think it was inconsiderate behavior on the part of my mate.

Whether the person is a "friend" or not is not the issue, really--it's the behavior, regardless of the emotions involved. I would not expect for my boyfriend to be ok with me going over to some guy's house in the middle of the night; if it was enough of an emergency that me going there DID seem warranted, my boyfriend would be going with me.

A real friend has respect for the relationship, if you see what I'm sayin.

My boyfriend's lady friend might call late at night if the situation warranted, but if she came over late at night, or if my boyfriend went over to her place late at night--that's gonna cause a problem. I have guy friends who are in relationships, and I show respect for their relationships by not imposing on them in that manner.

Anyway, these are just my opinions, of course. I hope it's useful to you. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

not cool less you are there too .. that's just the right thing to do - otherwise it 'seems' as if she would be disrespecting you

Having friends is okay, but the late hours they are keeping are not. I think you have to respect that a friend is involved with someone and adjust your friendship around it.

Was ur mate (the bf) around before the friend? or was the friendship there before the relationship was?

I see no reason for people to have to give up their friends just because they're in a relationship. If you feel you cannot trust someone you're with when they're with friends, you need to talk to them about it.

^^^ I agree with that, but this isn't a simple issue of trust or friendship. He's saying that the friend is coming over late at night, or that his partner is going over to the friend's house.

That's an imposition on me and my trust, and the sanctity of my relationship. He can have whatever friends he wants and hang out with them when he wants and it's not going to bother me, EXCEPT if he wants to go over to a girl's house late at night or if one of his girl friends is coming over to my house.

A guy I used to live with had a female friend he'd known since high school. She was very flaky and promiscuous. I didn't like her, and I know she didn't like me. Nevertheless, I was ok with him spending time with her. She was his friend.

This chick was always getting into trouble, including cop trouble. If the phone would ring at 2:00 a.m., you could bet that every time it was going to be her and that she would be crying about something and asking for help.

I got REALLY sick of that noise and put my foot down about it. Then I got this big speech about how I was "too controlling" and "why don't you trust me?" and blah blah. I was like, "B1tch, this isn't about trust. It's about your friend not having enough decency or consideration for you and your living situation not to keep dragging you into her problems." (She was married, too. Her husband was a putz, but I felt sorry for him nonetheless.)

Ultimately, some years down the road, my boyfriend started to realize that she really wasn't much of a friend. She always expected for him to help her out with her train wreck of a life, but when he needed her help, it was Blank Stare City. xoxox