i always thought that street pain would come and go real easy tho, like stomach viruses just 3 days and out tha door, and i always said to my self i could make it out with pain, dance under the rain, and shower off the intensive blood stain, on my shirt that i had to walk away from, it was either his life or mines and to get revenge i chose his life.....

so let me ask ya something, do ya know how it feels to loose a friend, no a brother, right in front of your eyes, like it was easy drop, pull back, squeeze trigger, fuk that, the desert eagle released an explosion so bad, that the blood of my brother splattered all across the wall, i was across the street, looking at those many shots being recieved by his body, many shots piercing his skin, as if he was a soldier, and the spears jabbed his body like breaking thrue paper with a pen.....

like the ink pen, i broke thrue this paper, slamming my thoughts on this scripture, slamming my mind on these lines, breaking the tips of every pen i had, tear dropping down every day, they always told me to vent my emotions thrue writing poetry, but this one was so strong that i felt that not even God was there, i felt i was alone on this, and the devil was laughing, enjoying every droplets of pain coming out from my body....

i gripped so tight and i let one month go, i was so depressed i dropped a couple of bars alone in a minute, in a second i came out with a heart breaking song, so i kept listening to toni braxtons unbreak my heart, and thats what i was feeling, kept looking out the window, thinking my brother would come back, knowing he was dead, i broke the window and fell out from the two story building, and thats where i broke my left arm and started limping....

so i went into my closet, pulled out my glock i held for so long, put in a clip with only 7 rounds that i had left, from the old days of gang banging, from the old days of conquering, now this aint war, this is revenge i had in my heart, so damaged like danity kane, or what ever bull 5hit they make up now in days, so i went out, it started to rain hard body and i thought to my self....

"just another dramatic effect to this situation, i dont give one, two or three damns of what happens, that dirty a55holes gonna get it" so i was walking down the street, limping, dragging my feet, holding my arm, with each droplet hitting my face, covering up those salty tear drops, coming out from my eyes, and the dirt on my face, so no one knew i was crying, i kept walking, just passed a church, and i noticed his car in the lot, and i was wondering whats this, but i kept walking, then the doors opened, and there he was, i saw him with his family and with his mom, i noticed that they where laughing enjoying time to the fullest

i noticed his mom was telling him, "thank God you converted, thank God you left that gang, i love you my boy, i thank God for everything", but then he saw me, he saw my gun, he looked a bit worried, and i stared at his eyes, with anger, his family noticed as well, and got scared for their own, i pulled up the gun, and said "fuk you and your life, is what your doing now getting better?? aiight, i tell ya what, how bout two rounds in the stomach, one in the head, once i hit you i promise by the last two you'll be dead, i swear, why in the fuking world did you killed my brother?? why did you shot him many times and his body all covered in blood, innocent blood, innocent blood....." i kept repeating, he told me, please, not infront of my family they dont deserve it, " fuk you!!! and your damn family, i hate you, i hate you!!!!" he said please dont, i changed, please, why me??

"dont beg, thats not manly, my brother didnt see it coming, he didnt beg, we didnt beg, we didnt fell out on our knees, and now i see, your lower then me, and im just a soldier, so btch please, stop being such a pu55y and accept this bullet"

so i closed my eyes, and pulled the trigger........

i didnt hear a sound, i opened my eyes, and everything was spinning, i looked at the gun, it didnt fire nothing, i cried out loud, in pain, in anger, but more in sadness, i almost killed a father, a son, a husband, a child of God, so i dropped to my knees and asked why!?!?!

he came rushing at me, and instead of picking up the gun and finish me, he dropped to his knees as well, and picked up the bible, read to me a couple verses, gave me God Blessings, talked to me, and counseled me, and told me everything about the churches, told me how Jesus loves me, told me how God had stopped me, and now God is giving me a chance to repent and regret the devils dance, to accept salvation, and to forget about my past......

and i did, i forgave and forgotten, i repented and accepted, i was always a child of God, but now, im the Lords servant for dying for me on the cross.......

Amen(sorry bout the many cussing i posted, just wanted to make it as real)

this story is based on true events, but sometimes not all those events come out with positive consequences, all we can do is wait patiently for the sign of God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost to enter our body, mind, soul, and spirit, God Bless, im out

Yo God bless you man, for real.

HEY,,,,you passed your tests,wink.
Sometimes a person has to feel their end before they can FEEL their FOREVER!

Good write and we don't know each other.
But WE have ALOT in common a to finding GOD, wink.

May your life always share his light.
And BLESS you for writing this as I needed to see this,wink, in another tonight!

GOD IS, "GREAT", and my KING!

Welcme to the site and if you need a frind,,just holler,lol.

thanks for sharing your story