I received a phone call around 9 pm last night at work of my fathers passing. I really could have cared less when he was a live because he was never around. Now I feel guilty as hell and for no reason . I tried to give him chance after chance, but he never told the truth in anything and he always let us down. Left me for dead when he drove drunk one night. Molested me and my siblings. He always used to try and make us love him , by telling us we would go to hell if we didn't love him. I could go on for days , but I wont.
So here I sit wondering why I am the one who feels like I have done wrong. Like I was the one who mis-treated him.



Has anyone else felt this???

Feelings misread...a feeling of the end...a feeling of wanting so much more...for things to be fixed....a feeling of wanting it all to be redone and done the right way....NEVER, ever blame any of this on yourself....you feel this way because none of it was fixed and although he is gone...the pain remains....talk to someone and vent until you cannot vent any longer....repeat it a million times if you need to...you will not be able to heal until you remove this from your heart....I wish you the best

Maybe subconsciously, you feel a sense of guilt because no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get him to change his behavior. And now that he has passed, you've run out of time to figure out new ways to get him to change and you feel guilty cause you weren't able to accomplish your goal.

But I can tell you (from being through similar experiences as you) that no matter how much effort you put into it, a person like that, is never going to change their behavior or thought patterns.

You gave it your all, and he had all the time in the world to change, but chose not to. Don't take the blame for that, because it's not your "cross to bear".

guilt is a function of doing something "wrong"....

if you did not....you should not feel it.....

easier said then done. i am certain....

you have a conscience...and perhaps you "think" if i had only given him one more chance.........it would be different....


it wouldn't...mourn for a while then move on

. hello no!!! yes something is wrong with you...might i add maybe u should seek some help? no reason to greive.... my cousin died he was like 6 yrs older than i quite a few yrs ago.... he tried to molest me he failed but not before he jerked off in front of me... later to find out he molested 2 other of my cousins that admit to it.. mind u i was 9 when he tried i didnt even know what sex was.... <now remember that was way back when> facts are im glsd hes not here to continue on with his freakish crap... his brother died and his mother after of course i went to their funerals certainally not his!! but burried in the same grave site... oh yes i went and paid the molester a visit.... and it was enjoyble.... i stomped on his grave told him what a jerk he was etc then spit on it.... as long as there are funerals and burrials at the same place ill go revisit him....

and because i dont greive about his death..... definately does not mean i dont have a concious... i sure do!!! a very tender one lol i feel horribly when i hurt anothers feelings... and if i do < usually by accident> then i appoligise and mean it...

there is no guilt and no bad concious about disliking a child molester im sorry but my feelings about it.... and when my ex husbands brother dies... ill be going outta my way to pay him a visit if i dont see him before he dies cause he tried to mollest my daughter got away with it... and 2 others that were ongoing and charges were tried to be pressed all 3 at once... <one was his 2nd cousin that was adopted by his mother> other her freind at early yrs.... he succeded at those atempts.... it took 4 more children after that for anything to happen to him... prison time... hope he never gets out... and if he does and i see him im gonna smack him across the face with a shot put in my purse...

oh and am i angry? obviously but i have every right to be... sure ill forgive... after he forgives the shot put in his face

and countrybumpkin..... really all i mean is just to think about it.... honestly no reason for guilt... hes made a big impact on your life that was uncalled for.... thats enough to disown him if u ask me.....

Hi

Sorry to hear of your distress.

Feeling guilt in your postion is very common.

Despite his cruelty , maybe you simply mourn the father's love you never had.

Understanding and accepting your feelings
may help you move on.

It may also be true that you will have to decide whether you can forgive..
..and move on with your life.