I have two sons, one 26, one 22 and a daughter 12, almost 13. I wouldn't allow anyone of them to go off anywhere when they were that age. Especially nowadays with so many weird crazy people out there. My 12 is allowed to go to movies with friends but is dropped off and picked up and does not leave the building. You just can't be to careful.
My 22 yr old got into trouble when he was about 6 or 7 and screamed at me..."your a mean mom, a mean, mean mom". To which I answered, "Thats why I went to mean mom's school and got an A. My teacher would be very proud of me." We joke about it now, but it worked.
When you have a chance, google "sexual offender sites". You will find out how many in your area and just how close some of them are.
Hang in there mom, your doing the right thing.

oh I have checked out that site many times... I know exactly where they are. Which is why I don't let my lil girl go runnin around the neighborhood at will.

YOU go mom. Be mean in a town that size. Your daughter will thank you later. I live on one corner and there's a park just across the street, but my son is not allowed to go by himself unless me or my boyfriend are outside. Now if there's other kids and an adult that's fine but I want to know the adult. The park here is caddy corner from me and there's a cop lives directly across from me but still I don't take chances with my kids or their lives.

Totally agree. Let's keep our kids safe whether they like it or not. Times have changed and not for the better. And it only takes a second to lose your world.

Amen to that!

I am not sure there are any more or less scary people out in the world now as there were forty years ago. We are just more aware they are out there now.

Have you considered setting up some controlled independence? Do you know your neighbors or another child she can go with?

Allow her to go for a limited time with some safety nets in place. Neighbors or older children who can keep a discrete eye out. You might even consider observing her from a distance. I know that may sound a bit like spying but I am not sure it is.

Being independent, confident and unafraid serve people well. It's very important to teach children those skills. Does it sometimes make you a lot more work? Yes but that's a parents job.

Is she ready and aware of personal safety issues? Does she know what's alright and whats not in terms of her interactions with other people? Especially adults? Does she know how to defend herself? Is she generally respectful of you? Does she act responsibly?

Let's be honest. The world is a dangerous place. It always has been and it always will be. If we all stayed in because of what might happen no one would ever leave their houses.

Lynann- you make some very good points. And yes, I do try and teach her independence... just in stages. The older she gets and the more maturity she shows... the more independence she earns. As much as I wanna just hold her tight and keep her home and safe for all her life, I know that's just not possible. Or even right to do.

good call. the world is full of f*ckin weordps now....i wont go to park by myself

Sorry double post.

Don't feel bad in the least about saying no. Just be patient and sooner or later one of your neighbors kids will get hurt, beat up, or ripped off. Tell her about it and you can give her a big hug and say I am so glad you didn't get hurt like that; would be really scarey.

The post about controlled independance makes a good point. I had a deal with my kids. I would go to the park and stay pretty much out of earshot but we had a signal that someone is giving them a hard time or they feel "creepy" and I would intervene. There were a couple times I had to bite my lip while they "settled" something or they came over to me and wanted me to "settle" something that kept them from being labled crybaby's but we also had a deal that they came to me so I didn't have to be one of those embarrassing Mom's that bellow when it is time to go home like they were babies.

Say it once I will say it a thosand times DO NOT depend on these sites to tell you who the creeps are. A very small percentage of them are registered and it is nothing to drive across town.

Totally agree. The other thing is this.... how many sexual offenders have gotten caught versus the ones who haven't? Many families do not tell, and many kids do not tell.

Just assume everyone is a risk to your kids. That is the only way to be. Not paranoid, but aware and cautious.

Little Reminder now it is fall.

Start winterizeing your home/car/medicine cabinet/ budget ect... little bit by little bit.

If you are financially crunched get on budget billing now while you are not behind, apply for utility assistance.

Change the furnace filters.

Hit the thrift stores for thermal drapes or extra blankets.

Get out and caulk before the weather is freezing.

If you have paint in the garage use, dispose of it, or bring it in where it will not freeze; it ruins it.

Drain birdfeeders, hoses, or other containers.

If winter coats are outgrown take them to a resale shop and make your selections before everything is gone.

Mom/Dad's lead by example you need to make sure you have/wear adequate coats, gloves, boots ect..

Insulate the outside pipes and faucets.

Check your antifreeze, replace your winsheild fluid, chains ect..

Put "stranded" supplies in the trunk.

Replace that tail light for sure someone will notice with early twilight. Put a flash light in the car.

Air your tires/check pressure; climate changes affect mileage and breaking in fall rain and leaves.

Correct repairs if you can now; mechanics make more mistakes when it is wet and cold and they are half frozen in open bays.

Stock up on basic cold supplies; thermometer, chest rub, hotpad, clear soda.

Clean out the medicine cabinet of the out of date and get what you really need. Look on the throw aways for web sites; check for coupons

Get over to the health department and get a free or reduced cost flu shot.

Buy and extra few staples groceris on the short months to give your over worked Holiday grocery list a break.

The holiday budget looks grim for toy shopping call local agencies early and find out about "booster" programs get your documentation ready and applications in.

Call your local churches and see what days they will be having special activities so you can schedule ahead. Some actually have special nitghts where single parents can drop & shop in secret.

You can prevent a singles "blue holiday" by planning ahead; especially if the kids are going to be with the Ex.

Check out the community colleges they have short courses added in now that the regular classes have started.

If you or your teen wants a Christmas job they need to get in applications immediately.

Christmas time is often when daycare providers dissappear or are sick; confirm your back up plan.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

This is good advice but what does it have to do with our childrens protection and whether we're mean parents.

Point taken. I guess I am thinking
avoiding problems is probably the main thing. People who get stranded or are stressed sometimes have a tough time avoiding the vultures that sweep in. Being a single parent, especially someone who might be less experienced or new to the single thing sometimes is up to your ears and a check list is good prevention help.

Ok. Once I read back over the list of things to do I was like HELLO BLONDE save time later get ready now. You never know when the first freeze will be or when the powers gonna go out due to the weather. In a way is that not one step in protecting your children from the weather cause people are not the only things that can hurt them. By the way I'm not really a blonde I've just been so stressed over different things I'm not thinking of common sense things.

OOO yah your a very mean mommy And at the same time I would have to say I am a very mean dad I dont let my boys go to the park with out me or atlest sumone that can watch them.... But as for my X she lets them take off and go all over the place and it drives me nuts

that would piss me off

All you can do is be the best parent you can be and if Ex's mess up that is on them.

My guess is your kids do think about what you say to them and maybe are a little more careful so your rules may extend farther than you think.

If is really a serious security risk you can always go back to court for a modification.

Before I made that expensive and sometimes fruitless step I would check that they aren't saying "well Mom let's me do it" and kind of streaching the truth. That is normal kid behavior.

If you have seen it; document it. Technology is your friend. As a parent you have the right to keep tabs on your kid. Friends can be helpful in this. Even teachers if the child is all over and is tired in class they notice.

It is tough being a parent. Do your best and keep in mind the old verse about the sparrow protecting himself. Children are uncannily able to cope also. You survived your youth and so will they.......Peace and comfort.

I agree all you can do is your best. At first I wanted to disagree but I read on. What you may do is pick the kids up without the ex knowning they're safe and make her think something happened to them. In other words kidnap them without really kidnapping them.