Please someone make me feel better!

I have 2 girls. One is of school age (7th grade this year.)
They started yesterday. 6am comes early but I don't mind.
She's on the bus by 7 and my little one (almost 3) is out the door and to daycare by 8.

Here's my piss and moan....

My mother in law has been staying with us. She knows I get up, get my daughter up at 6, make her breakfast, yada yada yada. This morning it was as if she had to beat me to the punch. My alarm went off and she was already in my daughter's room waking her and then began getting her breakfast.
My husband keeps telling me she needs to do things around here to feel useful....which is fine. But it's not working. If I start to rely on her, she lets me down. Should I have to babysit her also?

For instance, if I have something planned for dinner, she'll already have something else made by the time I get home from work. If I have to work over or help with a project and it runs late, my kids don't get fed until late because she thought I was getting dinner.

Back to mornings, I don't mind her helping but I'm just afraid if I don't continue getting up at 6am, one morning she's going to decide she doesn't want to.

God it's hard living with relatives, but I'm trying....I really am.

All you can do is try and maybe have a talk with her. Good luck.

Just continue your 6am routine as if she wasn't there, but let her do what she can to help. Supervise if necessary. If she does right then get ahead with something else of getting the kids ready. If she decides to do nothing.....you're there to do it and not feeling like she let you down.

As to the evening thing....call and ask her if she is gonna do dinner when you know you're gonna be late. let her know you'll be late.

I could go on, but I don't wanna be late for work!!! LOL

I know it's hard but sounds like she is only trying to help. I would continue getting up at 6 and keep with your routine and if she already has breakfast ready, consider that one less thing you need to do, and as far as dinner...I would simply call hoe, tell her I will be running late and ask her if she will get dinner going for you.

have your husband step up and talk to his mom, like mom this is how we feel, but from experience ive been there myself communication is the key, good luck

Try to consider it a mini vacation...moms do need to feel the can handle everything...everyone needs to be needed.

But if I were in your shoes it would piss me off too...so just try stay calm...

*sighs*

i'll do what i can. thank you for the advice. and making me feel a touch better.

It sounds to me like you just have a slight communication problem. I would just sit her down, say "you know, I appreciate the help you give and want to give. I think it would be a great help to both of us if we decided on who will be responsible for what and when." The dinner thing, maybe spend 15 or 20 minutes each week planning a basic menu, that way she knows what your plans are. If you are going to be late, make sure you let her know and ask if she could get dinner started. And mornings, maybe you could be responsible for getting the girls up and breakfasted and she could help with getting lunches and backpacks ready?

Good luck!

I second this one.

i know what you are saying.
i have to swallow a bit of pride and do this.
we seem to butt heads often.
i just don't like inconsistency.
i'll sit down with my husband and talk with him about it first. i just don't want to hurt his mother's feelings.

I don't think you'd hurt her feelings, especially if you put in terms of trying to minimize the workload and frustration for everyone.

But, you did mention she's not exactly consistent, which is why you should give her the jobs that aren't as much of a priority. If she doesn't get up in the morning, it's not so much of a big deal to throw a lunch together and find backpacks, etc. However, if she doesn't get up and doesn't get the girls up on time, that's a whole nother ball game.

I butted heads with my MIL for years, so I feel your pain

You have little or no hope with this problem!!!! Poison is the only answer!!!!!

even I'M not THAT harsh
sheesh

it's almost as if i CANT be the mom anymore and she knows it gets to me. sometimes i think she does it just to get to me. am i looking too deep or am i just being silly?

I don't know, not being fully on the inside. I'd say it depends. It could be she's controlling, it could be she thinks she could do things "better" or it could be just a mis-guided, but well meant, attempt to help you out. I used to have to "remind" my MIL that I was the parent and that yes, I would do things differently than she did. She didn't care for that but he is MY son, not hers.

However, the thing is what you feel. If you are truly uncomfortable then you need to establish and stick with boundaries you are comfortable with, regardless.

i really do think you share my pain...
she 'helps' when she wants to. this is where the inconsistency comes in.
but when i do things i try to let the girls do things themselves and lend a helping hand as i go. she is completely the opposite and it even upsets the girls. my little one is VERY independent and will actually cry when my MIL does things 'for' her.
my 12 year old can't do anything without 'assistance' and i see the frustration in HER face too. i've actually had to physically go into the room and tell her to stop helping. she'd get mad and leave the room.
*throws hands up* i give up sometimes.

Honestly, don't you think that maybe she has lost her independence as well? She now relys on you and her son by living with you. I doubt very much that she does these thing just to be mean, maybe she does these things to feel needed?
Communication is the key, without that..you will always be wondering what she is thinking!! If you talk to her, maybe your lives could be a lot better. Just don't be negative and accuse her when you talk to her...maybe she is feeling like she is in the way and maybe she is just trying to give you a break!
Mother-in-laws always get a bad wrap when not all of them are total bytches. Try to work out a happy medium and see if you both can live together in peace. Trust me, maybe she is feeling that you are out to get her too. All I can say is talk, talk, talk!!!!
Good luck

she isn't a b1tch by any means...but she does like to jab a bit. she does have her independence and it was her decision to stay with us. she wasn't in poor health when she decided so. she comes and goes as she pleases and has a whole section of the house just for her. but i do hear you loud and clear and i'll talk with her tonight.
thank you *smiles*

This is very true, until you can talk, you cannot figure out what the true problem is nor can you figure out how to solve it.

*shrugs*
i just feel like i'm being taken over i guess