Figured it dealt with relationships in away so it would go here.

I have not had the best relationship with my father, who I now live with and really only put up with him because I have a job I want to keep here. It wasn't until I was about 20 that my dad decided it was time to step up and be a father, effectively giving me about 6 years without a father (long story, don't remember much before 14). I was raised by the fathers of my friends, they gave me advice and helped me in tough times and most of the time it was friends that were there for me. The conflict of this is why all of a sudden does he decide he wants to by a dad? See, personally I'm looking at it as a mid-life epidemic he and I both realize he wasn't there for me much and with that he is trying to be there now...however I don't need a father now as I'm a grown man and I know the difference between right and wrong due to my own progression in life (this is also why I think I know quite a bit more then most people my age). I'm moving soon which will make it less awkward on me and easier on the relationship I feel, I think we always did better with a bit of distance between us. Though I'm still conflicted as to why now of all times does he want to be a dad, was it not fitting of him before? Perhaps it wasn't apart of his schedule...

You may not realize it now, but we always need our father. And although he was not there when you needed him most...there may be a time when you need him more. Talk to him about the past and accept the fact that he wants to be a father now....you never know when one day...he won't be here.

I didn't need him then, and I can't think of a reason I may need him later on...

You have to do what your heart says and he will have to accept it...you're a man now...and if in the future you need him u should be able to call on him and he should answer...that's just the way fathers should be...always there..if you need them.. you are ready now to spread your wings...and you need to do that....don't hold yourself back now because he wants to make up for lost time...just stay in contact...don't cut him off completely...and say hi every once in awhile...just my opinion

we all march to our own drummer.
My dad & I were very distant, even though we lived together, till I married & moved out.
Later in life, we became much closer.
He was busy running a business & keeping a roof over our heads.
Age taught him what was really important, smae as it as taught me.
I wish he was still alive to see his great grandchildren, I will live to see mine.
Hope you make peace with your dad, as I did mine.
MIss him frequently, since his death.

Take advantage of this oppurtunity go get to know your dad, he is in your life for a reason, and though it may seem like he wants something from you or is trying to make up for lost time, let him. We all make mistakes and learn from them.. well in high sight we hope we do anyway. My oldest daughter is going to be 16 next month and she moved to her dads at 15, now keep in mind he has never been in her life, we found him, and now she is there that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but, I did that for her, this is an experience she need to fullful.. I never asked why he wasnt there for her just let her go.. They say every thing happens for a reason.. take advantage of that.

20 years of not being there (from what I hear from family and friends) is not a mistake...that is a failure. Can't spend time with kids don't have kids, don't want kids don't have kids...either or it doesn't matter still the same answer.

why make him feel better about himself now?
youre right youve moved on and you dont need him
i think its funny how guys leave their kid then just expect them to welcome them back with open arms

sorry fear didnt meant to kill your thread

I killed it with the statements.

Fear...this is coming from someone who has been (* and still is ) in the situation you are facing.

The only difference is that I haven't lived with him.

My dad left when I was 7. I saw him occasionally until I was 9, then he just stopped showing up.

Shortly after I turned 31, my aunt called me and told me that my father wanted to talk to me. I told her that I really didn't care. He didn't want anything to do with me before...so why bother now?

The thing is, I was very angry about what he did. I didn't have any friends' fathers to give me advice. Everything I had to learn, was learned on my own. And then I had to pass on those things to my little brother. I was definitely not happy about having all of that laid in my lap. I carried that anger with me for a VERY long time.

Anyway, he wound up calling my brother one day when I was there talking to him. He asked my brother to put me on the phone. Wanna know what the very first thing I said to him was? " Hi. I heard you had a heart attack. It was ALMOST good to hear that you didn't die. "

If your dad is anything like mine...he KNOWS that you are angry about his absence. Also, if he is anything like mine, he wants you to forgive him for doing it.

It may not seem possible for you to do so at this point, but if you really talk to him, no matter how " strained " the conversation may be, and you let him know ( without the yelling and name calling that usually comes with the anger ) how you felt/ feel about what he did, it will go a LONG way toward helping you rid yourself of the anger and frustration that you feel over his actions. You will also ( perhaps ) find out how he feels about what happened. If there is no remorse there, then you would be justified in witholding your forgiveness. If, however, he actually IS remorseful about it, then torturing him further with you anger is a fruitless effort, and will do neither of you any good.

sorry