I have never understood the motives behind other people talking about their past experiances of the opposite sex when they are with someone they may want to get to know....

When a man talks about other women I get a couple of little storms running around my head...
1...jealousy
2...what are they going to think or say about me?
3...Do they even want to get to know someone?


and when I talk about other men I guess it is me trying to make the other person think I am desireable....

either way I don't believe this is living in the moment to what could be with someone knew...

I wish we all had amnesia when we meet someone knew and are open but I know what past experiance is for....you either want something good or want to avoid something bad and you use those experiances as a point of reference for the future. ... but...is that even accurate?

we can't change the past...we cant predict the future...we only have today....

let go and get on with it!!!

ok share your thoughts..

we live and we learn

true...but i don't want to be in a competition with ghosts...

maybe deep down inside we are just looking where we may have gone wrong or right and when we meet someone knew that old tap plays and pours out our insecurity so we talk about our history...but i don't think it helps for the future too much unless you make a plan to make things different.

loves talking to myself in threads that i make

Usually people tend to bring up the negative experiences they've had. Generally, I think this is done partly out of fear and feeling the other person out.

Everyone has emotional baggage they carry with them and by bringing up the subject, it opens the door, so to speak, for the other person to share any similar or related experiences.

I think this is done partly out of fear in that person bringing up the subject is afraid of getting into a bad situation and doesn't want to be with the same type of person as before.

I think it is also done as a "feeling out" conversation to see what type of emotional baggage the other person has and if they have any fears, or concerns, about being hurt again and the like.

On the positive side of things, yes there is a silver lining here, having those conversations with a current, or potential, partner can help explain later behaviors of why a person may act, say, or feel a certain way in different situations. By knowing about their past, you won't be clueless, or confused, as to what they are thinking and what is going on with them.

On the flip side, if a person is constantly bringing up negative past experiences, they really need to examine themselves and work through the issues because that will definitely cause problems down the road for sure.

My two cents...

thank you I am all for helping another person through insecurities and learning to have faith again in themselves and possibly me..

there is no competition with ghosts
in a healthy relationship
sometimes it is a misguided attempt to appear desirable
othertimes it is simply a discussion of our experiences
sometimes it is a preoccupation
othertimes it is ineptitude
sometimes just nervousness

well i guess there are a million reasons
but no one really wants to hear about it
most of the time
let's talk about us

yep cuz i wanna be the center of attention to the one i may in the future possibly could

If I bring up past women in my life, it's one of two reasons.

First, to explain my past marriages and why they ended. This is certainly relevent to any new, developing relationship. Explanation is necessary to show how I got to where I am today and to show that those relationships are, indeed, "over".

Second, in light conversation, as in talking about the "dates from hell" we've all had. The nut cases are always fun to talk about!

true dates from hell are a fun thing to talk about but not relive haha i just put those experiances on a shelve and wish them well

I used to talk to this guy who would convey his exploits to me, so in return I'd share mine... Trust me, I trumped him.

yep....it is like the final whooorah....my life sucked till i met ya..

thanks peeps now i understand alittle better...

Time's fun when you're having flies

I've always been asked, if not asked I don't tend to bring it up unless something is said that reminds me of a moment...but usually that is about as far as I go.

Bottom line, If you want to get to know someone then that includes getting to know their past experiences. So unless they were a Monk, stranded on an Island alone OR a Complete Loser that you wouldn't want to get to know anyway then it probably includes experiences with Ex's.


There's a difference between bringing them up as part of a story vs whining about how he got dumped by an Ex, is having issues getting over it and doesn't think any woman will ever fill her shoes....

I sat at my "local" the other night. I found a stool. It happened to be next to a "match"(insert web date/initial meet) couple. Sipping on my pint, waiting for my $9.00 chicken sandwich, my incredible ears pick out words from the stools to my right. He told story after story of the "pyscho/crazy" women that pursued him heavily. Filling in with comments about his important lawyer friends, and how they were helping him out with a divorce(another crazy woman) and pending custody hearings. He was, obviously, in high demand, and held "himself" in high regard.


She was very pretty, well dressed and sat there listening. Awkward silences, abound. She would sip her beer to avoid commenting, yet, nary a drop would get past the lips. She did so in fear of having to drink 2 beers in a 30 minute conversation.
Her Stories consisted of how she,too, recently divorced, was a great "trophy". Both blamed "circumstances" for their present familial state. Her "Wusband" got the lake house, he got the beach house, and the big house! It was difficult being a Trophy wife and this didn't seem like an equitable division of assets....

Blah Blah.Blah..I am, often, stunned by others personalities

So true we all have a past that is still part of whom we are. In talking, our past will come up the difference is do they blame everyone else for their past or have they learned to deal with life in general. And understand that what was is no more and learned from their experience and they are ready to move on and willing to be open with another.