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| Topic: Bun In The Oven..and scared and venting. | |
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Edited by
shortiemix
on
Mon 08/25/08 08:58 AM
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Okay, I have debated and debated on posting this. I am in desperate need of support.I just found out I am 7 weeks preg. (and I thought I had a back ache)! I, personally do not believe in abortion, if other people do that's their choice, but I can't do it. I don't think I have the stregnth to be a single mother. I am considering adoption. I know how hard it is being adopted..I was adopted when I was 1 1/2 yrs. old. I want my child to have a good life.
I guess the hardest part is I have been through this so many times before. I have three other children. My two oldest were adopted by my brother and sister. My youngest daughter I see on the weekends. Yes, I should know what causes this, but I fall for it everytime. I meet a guy, fall in love, and he wants a family and baby. I get preg. he leaves and wow...I've asked my doctor to put me on the shot...He wouldn't..he said it would make me gain weight. I asked him to tie my tubes...He says I am too young! I am 21 going on my 4th child. I should know better by now. But I guess I just want a family so bad. I want to be the mom that has the holiday traditions with her kids. The one that rocks them to sleep. The wife who takes care of her husband. But I can't do it alone. I have had VERY little emotional support from my family. They just put me down. When I had my first son, I was 17. I got a job, apartment, and went to high school...ALL by myself. My mother came to me and said that CYS would take my son away and I would never see him again, because I was so young. She said I should let my older sister adopt him or I may never see him again. So, being young and scared..I did. Now I see him a lot and he calls me Aunt Amanda..it hurts so much. I wish I knew then that no one would have taken him from me. I guess I needed to vent and I feel so alone. I have to go to my doc. appts. alone....prolly have to give birth alone. I'm just scared, angry, and sad. Please don't hate. |
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I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I wish you the best.
 I'm sure there are parents on this site and elsewhere who can help you. I'm a bit confused though, as to why your doctor wouldn't put you on the shot. Because you'd gain weight? That's a side effect, not a contraindication for you to be on it. |
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Adoption is a wonderful gift. It is a gift to the child, a gift to the hopeful family, and a gift to you (piece of mind). They have open adoptions now, with visitation and photos and all that. You need to do what is best for the child.... and it sounds like you know in your heart what that is.
If your doctor won't do what you want, look into an IUD and find a doctor who will do it for you. Ask Children's Services for a referral to a doctor who will help you make medical decisions that are best for you and future children (or preventing them). Good luck to you! |
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I wish you the best Sweety and if you need to talk...just get with me...I raised 5 completely alone and know that it can be done...and there are support groups in your area if you need them....good luck to you
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Brian.....Did you read what she wrote? It does not at all sounds as though she's trying to skirt her part, she is well aware of what is going on here and wants to change it. You can't browbeat her for what is already done, it suonds ilke she's already done that. Well, okay you can and did browbeat her, but why? She already said she knows what the deal is.
The best thing, JMO, is to support her decision to change for the better and make adult decisions. She is 21. |
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wow... umm.. well if I were you I would have kept all the childs so I wouldnt fall for that BS line! Why would you start a family before u got married? all I can say is you just need to keep ur legs closed till u have a ring on ur finger an last name is changed! Im not tring to be mean. I have a friend was has been PG 2times an aborted it both times. she no longer opens her legs for any guy. all I can say is tell him that you wont do anything till marriage, if he cant understand that then move on, hes not for you! I hope this helps an u dont think im a b!tch. goodluck
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I did read it. Shes 21,3 kids. other people taking care of them. A man did it to her again. So the most responible thing she can do is give a kid up for adoption. Nomatter what anyone does, we just pat them on the head, and say, it going to be ok. As long as it done already, dont worry, just move on, and do it again,again,again, and again. The Government, or your Family will fix it
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I raised four kids on my own and one of them, my daughter, now has four kids. I am sad that there are men who say they want to be with you, then leave. I can tell you are a very trusting person. Remember, that the father is as responsible for your pregnancy as you are. Make sure he is prepared to financially support you and pay the costs of either keeping your child or adoption. Visit your local government's agencies for healthcare plans (many are at no cost at certain income levels) and advice. You always have friends here on M2.
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Yes, but she said she knows adoption and pregnancy prevention are what she needs to do at this point.
How about, wow.... you did really make some bad choices. How great you stopped and are taking steps for the future... to prevent this from happening again. At least, that's how I interpreted this post. |
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I did read it. Shes 21,3 kids. other people taking care of them. A man did it to her again. So the most responible thing she can do is give a kid up for adoption. Nomatter what anyone does, we just pat them on the head, and say, it going to be ok. As long as it done already, dont worry, just move on, and do it again,again,again, and again. The Government, or your Family will fix it |
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I can feel for your situation of being alone but no excuses as to the fact that it is your own doing. There are groups that will help you... get you counceling and help you during and after the baby. I commend you on your choice to not abort and yes I know many very very stable families would love to adopt a baby that can not have one. Check the adoption agencies they can not only give you some very solid advise but also support.
I wish you the best of luck... A long road you have ahead. OH.. and their are other options to the shot for birthcontrol. |
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Yes, but she said she knows adoption and pregnancy prevention are what she needs to do at this point. How about, wow.... you did really make some bad choices. How great you stopped and are taking steps for the future... to prevent this from happening again. At least, that's how I interpreted this post. |
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She should keep it!!! Oh an the doc cant tell you he/she wont give you birthcontrol! they cant do that unless it would hurt you in someway. same goes for getting ur tubes tied, I say when you have this kid tell the hosp you want them tied! they cant turn you away cuz ur young, you had 4 kids!!!
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I did read it. Shes 21,3 kids. other people taking care of them. A man did it to her again. So the most responible thing she can do is give a kid up for adoption. Nomatter what anyone does, we just pat them on the head, and say, it going to be ok. As long as it done already, dont worry, just move on, and do it again,again,again, and again. The Government, or your Family will fix it No one deliberately gets themselves into this situation. It happens and it happens to very good, trusting and loving people. Save your judgements because every one of us has made our own share of decisions that can be condemned by others. When someone opens up their heart to others, you don't slam the door in their face. You help them as best you know how. Shortie isn't looking for your pity, she's reaching out for advice and a little empathy for her situation. Never, ever tell someone how wrong they are until you've walked in their shoes. |
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Okay, I have debated and debated on posting this. I am in desperate need of support.I just found out I am 7 weeks preg. (and I thought I had a back ache)! I, personally do not believe in abortion, if other people do that's their choice, but I can't do it. I don't think I have the stregnth to be a single mother. I am considering adoption. I know how hard it is being adopted..I was adopted when I was 1 1/2 yrs. old. I want my child to have a good life. I guess the hardest part is I have been through this so many times before. I have three other children. My two oldest were adopted by my brother and sister. My youngest daughter I see on the weekends. Yes, I should know what causes this, but I fall for it everytime. I meet a guy, fall in love, and he wants a family and baby. I get preg. he leaves and wow...I've asked my doctor to put me on the shot...He wouldn't..he said it would make me gain weight. I asked him to tie my tubes...He says I am too young! I am 21 going on my 4th child. I should know better by now. But I guess I just want a family so bad. I want to be the mom that has the holiday traditions with her kids. The one that rocks them to sleep. The wife who takes care of her husband. But I can't do it alone. I have had VERY little emotional support from my family. They just put me down. When I had my first son, I was 17. I got a job, apartment, and went to high school...ALL by myself. My mother came to me and said that CYS would take my son away and I would never see him again, because I was so young. She said I should let my older sister adopt him or I may never see him again. So, being young and scared..I did. Now I see him a lot and he calls me Aunt Amanda..it hurts so much. I wish I knew then that no one would have taken him from me. I guess I needed to vent and I feel so alone. I have to go to my doc. appts. alone....prolly have to give birth alone. I'm just scared, angry, and sad. Please don't hate. I noticed you never mentioned ur 2 eldest? do you have contact with them? I think wat a couple of ppl have already said is very valid. Im a believer in personal responsibility. I read wat you wrote, and i am looking at it objectively, but 1 thing keeps popping out at me. You keep saying u cant cope with children, i would like to ask why? wat is it exactly u dont cope with? I had 2 kids i raised on my own for 9yrs, it was hard, but i had to take responsibility for them, i brought them into this world, and it is my job to look after them, end of. I have never depended on the father of my kids for ANYTHING, as i am only responsible for my own actions, not his. In this life, we must learn from our mistakes so we dont keep making the wrong choices. Ur kids will suffer more by ur incapability than u will. You r obviously having unprotected sex with different men, and r putting urself and ur children through suffering because u dont learn from ur past mistakes. U seem oblivious to ur part in this imo. As for ur doc, i feel that is hard to believe, sorry, but there r many methods of contraception, there is bound to be 1 thing that u can use. Wouldnt matter anyway, cos from wat u said, u deliberately got pregnant cos thats wat the men wanted, not cos it was wat u wanted, or because u couldnt get the contraception u asked for. I would suggest u see a counsellor in regards to ur own childhood, cos there seems to be a pattern that u need to get out of. I urge u, for ur own sake, and for ur kids, NOT to get pregnant again just cos ur in love, think of the way those kids will feel when they r old enough to understand why they were given away. |
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Maybe i will drive drunk because my friend were all drinking, get caught three times, get my license suspended, go out again, drive drunk,again, run into someone, and kill them, say im sorry, do my time in Jail. All is forgivin. The past is the past And after you make all those bad choices you think it would be beneficial to tell you what shyt you were? It is not at all up to us to forgive her, nor is she asking for that. Here is a little known fact..... every time someone says this is the last time and they want to change, you believe them. If nothing else you believe they believe it and want it. It is hope for humanity. I'm sorry Brian, but I just don't believe in beating people when they are down and believing they will never make better choices. That is a world I don't want any part of. I hope for your sake, those in your life take inventory of every mistake you've ever made and bring it up to make you feel bad. It is so not "past is past", it is do what you can to fix what has already happened and deal with the future appropriately. With people with your attitude around, why should she bother? You make this girl out to be a throwaway, as waste. Judged on her prior acts as though she can never do better. Why? |
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Yes, but she said she knows adoption and pregnancy prevention are what she needs to do at this point. How about, wow.... you did really make some bad choices. How great you stopped and are taking steps for the future... to prevent this from happening again. At least, that's how I interpreted this post. How is driving drunk and killing someone the same as giving a child up for adoption so it has a better life? |
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Edited by
Pink_lady
on
Mon 08/25/08 10:02 AM
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Maybe i will drive drunk because my friend were all drinking, get caught three times, get my license suspended, go out again, drive drunk,again, run into someone, and kill them, say im sorry, do my time in Jail. All is forgivin. The past is the past And after you make all those bad choices you think it would be beneficial to tell you what shyt you were? It is not at all up to us to forgive her, nor is she asking for that. Here is a little known fact..... every time someone says this is the last time and they want to change, you believe them. If nothing else you believe they believe it and want it. It is hope for humanity. I'm sorry Brian, but I just don't believe in beating people when they are down and believing they will never make better choices. That is a world I don't want any part of. I hope for your sake, those in your life take inventory of every mistake you've ever made and bring it up to make you feel bad. It is so not "past is past", it is do what you can to fix what has already happened and deal with the future appropriately. With people with your attitude around, why should she bother? You make this girl out to be a throwaway, as waste. Judged on her prior acts as though she can never do better. Why? Actually, i think that this young lady needs help, and i dont think that pretending everything will be ok is beneficial to her. She has stated herself that she cannot control herself in regards to having children, and she cannot cope with her own decisions. As i said before, imo, she needs to sort out a few issues in her own life before she is strong enough to make a decision regarding a new baby. She doesnt just need a quick fix to deal with a new pregnancy, she needs long term help to get to the root of why she is continually making the wrong choices, in order for her to start making the right ones. Thing to remember, unless we r willing to help ourselves, we cannot be helped from anyone else. |
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But I guess I just want a family so bad. I want to be the mom that has the holiday traditions with her kids. The one that rocks them to sleep. The wife who takes care of her husband. But I can't do it alone. So wats stopping u? why r u so dependent on men to help u? Care of children is higher priority than caring for the man imo. I read ur profile, and on it, u say u want children, but u already have children, and u cant cope with them, so wat makes u think u can cope with another? why not just spend more time building the broken relationships with the ones u already have? I really hope for u n ur kids sake, u seek professional help, and with that, i bid u luck in ur personal journey. |
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I was told I wasn't good enough to be a mom. I see my two oldest children everyday. My son clings to me and doesn't let me leave his sight. I am sure he knows. I made mistakes and poor choices. I have zero emotional support. I take full responsibility for my actions. I assoicate sex with love...that's just not so. Sorry to make everyone so mad.
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