..a female DJ at the bar my brother and I went to last night.

It was a karaoke place, and this DJ had sung a song called " Why Don't You Stay "...I have no idea who sings it, but it's about a woman in the role of " the other woman ".

Well..after that song, the DJ had made a couple of comments about what the song was about, and my brother ( being my brother ) started..umm...heckling ( for lack of a better word ) and made a few comments that just made me cringe.

Anyway...a little while later, I was talking to her ( the DJ ) and she told me something that made me stop and think about why I am still single.

She said that I am a really good guy ( which I already know ), and that whenever she sees me, I am just sitting there having a good time. She told me that the way I am at the bar, it looks like I either have a girlfriend, or that I am married and just out having some fun.

That comment kinda caught me off guard, but when I think about it, I realize that she's pretty accurate.

The thing is...I have never really been comfortable enough to go " chasing " women in bars. The way I see it, most women in bars have already been hit on by enough drooling drunks to last them for a while, and I don't want to be slotted into that category, even though I am rarely drunk.

I don't hit on the women at Hooters for the same reason. They get that crap all day, and from what I have seen here, and been told by others, it gets tiresome.

I don't know if I have an actual question...but I guess if I did it would be...

What the hell can I do? It seems like I am just gonna be S.O.L. because of just being me.

pretty much...i so didnt have that problem last night...

Stay - Sugarland


If you see a girl of interest send her over a drink or go up and talk to her.. we can usually weed out the men who are being sincere or just the daily drunk that frequents the place often.

Maybe try just talking with some of the women, or buying a lady a drink and telling her it was because you wanted to do something nice. Women watch when a guy does something like that, without trying to hit on the woman. It shows you are looking but not being to assertive, she might even sit down and chat for a few minutes.


And I'll give you a clue..............most women go to the ladies room in packs so we can talk about guys, and nice ones get mentioned often.

(((Tim))) Continue being the same sweet you that you are. Meeting people in bars isn't always the best option anyway.

But doesn't sending them a drink normally indicate that something more would be expected?

I've asked a few women about that and they all say that's pretty much the case. They'll accept the drink and then dismiss whoever sent it over.

Thanks {{{Cher}}}.

The problem is, I don't seem to be meeting anyone anywhere else either...lol

I rarely try to " meet " anyone in a bar anyway. I have this strange idea that if she needs alcohol to find me attractive...I'll just pass...lol

No.....not if you are sitting by the bar when she comes over to order her drink and you say "Hey, I'm in a good mood tonight....I'll get the bill for this one. Enjoy"

I have had that happen a few times and made some good friends that way.

You are a sweet guy (I'll refrain from saying nice, cuz we all know what that means) we ladies aren't stupid, we can pick out the creepers from the good ones, just talk, and smile, don't be overly complimentary, that's a dead give away that he really doens't care who you are, but rather how you look, and we know to stay away from that guy, cuz any pretty face will turn his head....

and about the drink being sent, you have to talk to her first and then ask her if you can buy her one, sending one from across the room, ain't gonna cut it. It doesn't imply you want anything but to buy her a drink and hopefully some of her company.

If you act like a jerk, you get treated like a jerk, act like you, a sweet guy, and you'll get treated that way.

TRUST ME.....

Hmmmm...that may actually work if I was actually sitting at the bar....lol

I am usually the guy sitting over in the corner just people watching...lmao

No doubt about it....you'll have to put yourself out there a little if you want to get noticed. Of course, getting rejected is brutal, but it happens to all of us. All you can do is keep trying.

If YOU do it with NO THOUGHT except to show them you think there out like you and just wanted to be nice..
its all good,,,but to do-it with expectations is wrong.

Im ALOT like you say you are,,,and through LOOKING at them and a smile their way,,,they will more than likely say something to me first as they pass or come up beside me at the bar for a drink,wink..
THEY could have just ordered one from their waitress but they WANTED to get close,wink,lol,,THAT works where I have been out at...

Hmm..I guess what it comes down to is....how do I show interest, without getting put into the " drunken fool " slot???

Like I said...I rarely drink. Last night I had two beers at the beginning of the night, then drank Coke for the rest of the night.


Walking up to them and saying hi usually gets me a look like I have a plague or something ( I am not exaggerating at all ) or after a couple of minutes the woman looks at her friend and asks if she's ready to go.

It's gotten to the point where I ask myself " Why bother "

If you are hitting on the girls who are ACCEPTING drinks from EVERY guy in the bar then you are really hitting on the wrong girls.... Those girls only want the drink, not the convo. If a girl denies a drink from a man, she is saying to him, "no thank you I'm not interested in you" but maybe she would be interested in you, she is actually either showing character, or really wants to be left alone, and either way that's respectable.

stare at them with drool comin out of your mouth, j/k.

Nahhh....that's what the rest of the guys do....lol

maybe ask the girl if you can buy them a drink

in all seriousness, the idea with sitten at the bar sounds like a sound idea. drop some glances. try staring and looking like you arnt tryin to staring. if it turns out you really are staring and not trying to, that works even better. at least i think it does. my buddies tell me it works all the time

But again, that goes back to them thinking that you are asking for more than just buying them a drink. I have been told that the guy asking that question gets dismissed even if the drink is accepted.

I guess the woman ( at least from the info I have gotten from my female friends ) thinks that asking them if you can buy them a drink indicates " I wanna get you drunk and screw the hell out of you ".

Of course, if the guy clarifies that all he wants to do is buy a drink because he's in a good mood....well then they figure that you really aren't interested, and you get dismissed anyway. lol

This sh*t makes my head hurt.

If a guy says to me "can I buy you a drink I'm in a good mood" that says to me that he's not interested he just wants to do something nice.

Go up, strike up conversation, and then when she's almost finished with her drink say "Hey, let me get one for you, what are you drinking?"

TRUST ME...