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Topic: Single parent datting...
TheShadow's photo
Tue 08/12/08 08:37 AM

Shadow...

This is my priorities in my life which I am sure some are going to disagree.... at this point...

I am first: my education, future career, getting myself in a place where I will be financial comfortable (now this doesn't mean partying, leaving my child with people for days etc, most of the time I am dragging my son to places hoping that he behaves)

My son is second. Only in the fact that when it comes down to writing a paper or spending all afternoon cuddling with my son; I have to make that choice to do the paper first.

Now I am currently talking with someone and have plans to meet him very soon. My son will also be meeting him. We have talked about how my son fits into everything, what would happen if we got married and had children. I think that the thing that is most striking to me about the person that I am talking with is that he stated 'when I told you that I loved you, I was also saying that I loved your son.' This is important. I also think that its important that women, put themselves first (not their boobs or naughty places, but their whole selves) This means only entering into a relationship where the man is going to respect them and their children.

I firmly believe that when you get married (taking religion out of the equation) that the marriage comes first. Partly because when you take care of the marriage and make it a healthy one that makes for a healthy family. Children need to see more healthy, 'normal' relationship. I know that my parents are the example of what not to do in marriages (yes multiple marriage for both) However, my grandparents are my example of what a healthy marriage looks like.


again jmo.


I agree with alot of what you said, but i have one question. have you met this person yet?

TheShadow's photo
Tue 08/12/08 08:40 AM

Well my kids never met anyone I dated till at least 2-3 months later. My kids had a Dad and they did not need men in and out of their lives. Heck I dated one guy for 12 years he was in the same situation I was in and wanted to spend the extra time with his kids. We never lived together but we all did do things together. But we put our kids first.

Just went different ways in the end but still friendly with each other to this day.


I have to agree on this one to. Why put somone in there life if you really don't know if things will work out. Most relationships last only a few months.

LadyOfMagic's photo
Tue 08/12/08 08:46 AM

Well my kids never met anyone I dated till at least 2-3 months later. My kids had a Dad and they did not need men in and out of their lives. Heck I dated one guy for 12 years he was in the same situation I was in and wanted to spend the extra time with his kids. We never lived together but we all did do things together. But we put our kids first.

Just went different ways in the end but still friendly with each other to this day.

You dated a guy for 12YEARS?noway

TxsGal3333's photo
Tue 08/12/08 08:52 AM


Well my kids never met anyone I dated till at least 2-3 months later. My kids had a Dad and they did not need men in and out of their lives. Heck I dated one guy for 12 years he was in the same situation I was in and wanted to spend the extra time with his kids. We never lived together but we all did do things together. But we put our kids first.

Just went different ways in the end but still friendly with each other to this day.

You dated a guy for 12YEARS?noway


Yep believe it or not 12 years but I'm the one from the beginning that said if your looking to have kids I'm not the one if your looking to get married I'm not the one if your thinking we will live together I'm not the one. It fit in both of our lives at the time. We did not date anyone else and always had a good time together. And yes there was feelings very deep ones. And we are still friends but friends only now. Yeah it may sound strange to some but both my kids are very loving and stable in their lives. To me if I paid a price of my own then it was worth it.


I lived in a home where others were moved in and out and hated it said my kids would never live like that and I keep my promise.

Sure I most likely lost out in the end but...I felt it was the right thing to do. Their happiness came first to me.

tanyaann's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:04 AM
As crazy as it sounds, nope it will be the first time I meet the person also.

TheShadow's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:14 AM

As crazy as it sounds, nope it will be the first time I meet the person also.


Ok, i don't mean any harm hear. But how they hell can somone love somone they never met or even seen? it's just my opinion. isn't that false feelings? You never actually spent anytime with this person so how can you or anyone actually know if you love them or not and for somone to say they love your kids. Sorry, for me. to much to soon for somthing you do not know whats going to happen. I mean. What happens if you meet and your not attracted to them?

tanyaann's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:30 AM


As crazy as it sounds, nope it will be the first time I meet the person also.


Ok, i don't mean any harm hear. But how they hell can somone love somone they never met or even seen? it's just my opinion. isn't that false feelings? You never actually spent anytime with this person so how can you or anyone actually know if you love them or not and for somone to say they love your kids. Sorry, for me. to much to soon for somthing you do not know whats going to happen. I mean. What happens if you meet and your not attracted to them?


Then we aren't attracted to each other or one to another. We already know that at the very least we will be friends.

I know some people can not understand how someone can love someone without spending face to face time with the person. And I don't expect everyone to understand, nor would I want everyone to understand.

I don't know what else to tell you. Cause whatever I say may or may not make sense to you.

Mrtap's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:37 AM



As crazy as it sounds, nope it will be the first time I meet the person also.


Ok, i don't mean any harm hear. But how they hell can somone love somone they never met or even seen? it's just my opinion. isn't that false feelings? You never actually spent anytime with this person so how can you or anyone actually know if you love them or not and for somone to say they love your kids. Sorry, for me. to much to soon for somthing you do not know whats going to happen. I mean. What happens if you meet and your not attracted to them?


Then we aren't attracted to each other or one to another. We already know that at the very least we will be friends.

I know some people can not understand how someone can love someone without spending face to face time with the person. And I don't expect everyone to understand, nor would I want everyone to understand.

I don't know what else to tell you. Cause whatever I say may or may not make sense to you.


Good Luck Sweetieflowerforyou flowerforyou

tanyaann's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:37 AM
Thank you, Mrtap flowerforyou

TheShadow's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:48 AM
Edited by TheShadow on Tue 08/12/08 09:51 AM



As crazy as it sounds, nope it will be the first time I meet the person also.


Ok, i don't mean any harm hear. But how they hell can somone love somone they never met or even seen? it's just my opinion. isn't that false feelings? You never actually spent anytime with this person so how can you or anyone actually know if you love them or not and for somone to say they love your kids. Sorry, for me. to much to soon for somthing you do not know whats going to happen. I mean. What happens if you meet and your not attracted to them?


Then we aren't attracted to each other or one to another. We already know that at the very least we will be friends.

I know some people can not understand how someone can love someone without spending face to face time with the person. And I don't expect everyone to understand, nor would I want everyone to understand.

I don't know what else to tell you. Cause whatever I say may or may not make sense to you.


getting close to somone on here makes sense to me. Not love though, Thats just me:smile: I guess what i'm saying, if this is real for you and it don't work out. Wont somone get heart by putting all there emotions into somthing there not sure of? and the other question is, has your kid or kids been talking to him? jumping ito somthing with kids with both feet in and not sure of. Does sound nuts to me. Anyway, best of luck.

tanyaann's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:52 AM
Absolutely there is that risk!

I am the type of person its all or nothing because emotions are very much a part of who I am.

The person that I am talking with.... he knows he loves me as much as he can without us meeting. He states that so far we have 50%, but still have to wait and see about the other 50% to see how to proceed. But does that discount that he loves me, no. And even if there isn't attraction on either end, will there still be love. Absolutely.

It_Gyrl's photo
Tue 08/12/08 02:51 PM

i dont like to date guys with kids because i dont like kids, and i dont want any


Co-sign........... word for word.

I am blatantly honest and upfront about it..
no sugarcoating.
I have no desire to have children in my life...period. indifferent

OpenWounds's photo
Tue 08/12/08 03:01 PM
I wouldn't say i'd never date a woman with kids, but it's a daunting idea. Mentally, i'm so far away from the idea of kids right now, it'd be hard to deal with.

Children, for some reason, seem to like me, but that doesn't make things any easier. If you date someone with children, you have to accept that, at some point, you will become a part of their lives, if the relationship is to have any future. That's a lot to think about, and would make a casual relationship difficult.

However, i wouldn't rule it out. If i had strong, genuine feelings for the lady in question, i'd be willing to work on it , slowly, and see how things go

no photo
Tue 08/12/08 03:06 PM
Children are the most precious Gift in this world.
I have raised three, and I am enjoying my grandchildren very much.
Would I date a woman with Kids. YES
If I could have more I would.
Kids are awesome...they keep us YOUNG.


When all are gathered to say goodbye
and standing my grave near,
Talk of how great my children are
is all I need to hear,
for all I have to leave and give
are the lives my children live
They are My legacy........

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