To heavy of a thread going on. Need some smiles. So here are some funny quotes. Feel free to add to the list!

~Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

~Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

~I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

~Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

~The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

~It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

~When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

~Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

~What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

~The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

~How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

" The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated " Mark Twain

Either that wallpaper goes, or I go.