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| Topic: kinda scared to try again | |
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I was in a relationship for a very long time and about 4 or 5 years ago I ended it (wasn't the best of relationship)....I'm not say I haven't gone out between than and now for I have, but devoted most of my time with my kids. I so want to go out and find someone I can spend time with but there is one thing that is stopping me.....I'm scared to try it again, I'm not sure why. How can I overcome this being scared anyone have an idea what I can do???
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just wait until you feel you are ready
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 this is a good start
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Edited by
iRon
on
Wed 08/06/08 11:26 PM
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Been there and then I realized that my kids are going to grow (I have custody of them) and that I deserved should and wanted to get back out there. Yeah it can be scary but for me the long term outcome was not what I wanted.
Since dating can suck just get out and do things, go out with friends, fun activities and be willing to go out and it will fall in place. You are a beautiful lady and obviously a good one as well. So, once you give your self permission it most likely will fall in place. Good luck to you and that's my .02 
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I think you have to figure out what exactly it is that you are afraid of whether it's being cheated on , lied to, abused (don't know your situation so can't really say). Once you get to that point, you should be able to face that fear and move on into the dating scene.
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I even find it hard to talk to guys here....And the ones I do talk to what if they are not willing to wait until I feel I'm ready......so many many many questions......lol
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I even find it hard to talk to guys here....And the ones I do talk to what if they are not willing to wait until I feel I'm ready......so many many many questions......lol Most of them won't but that just means there not the right one. This site helped me rebuild my confidence and practice my flirting skills. It was safe, made some friends and even date someone for awhile. She was not the right one but it was fun and we are still friends. Tell you what, I am will to let you practice your flirting skills on me....That's just the kind of guy I am 
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I even find it hard to talk to guys here....And the ones I do talk to what if they are not willing to wait until I feel I'm ready......so many many many questions......lol |
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I was in a relationship for a very long time and about 4 or 5 years ago I ended it (wasn't the best of relationship)....I'm not say I haven't gone out between than and now for I have, but devoted most of my time with my kids. I so want to go out and find someone I can spend time with but there is one thing that is stopping me.....I'm scared to try it again, I'm not sure why. How can I overcome this being scared anyone have an idea what I can do??? I used to have a friend with fears as yours...........i think that this site is a good start but maybe step it up a notch and maybe find single parents in your area who are also looking to date............or find single mothers who you can talk to and gain your confidence to overcome your fears..............i say take babysteps and then try to leap once in awhile and you will find someone who you can share your life with..........
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Thanks for all your good advice.......I guess I will see where it goes from here and hopefully things will work out for the best for me and everyone who have the same problem as I
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You will know when it is time to start again
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I was in a relationship for a very long time and about 4 or 5 years ago I ended it (wasn't the best of relationship)....I'm not say I haven't gone out between than and now for I have, but devoted most of my time with my kids. I so want to go out and find someone I can spend time with but there is one thing that is stopping me.....I'm scared to try it again, I'm not sure why. How can I overcome this being scared anyone have an idea what I can do??? It's natural to feel this way once you begin dating, or when you are trying to move away from a past relationship. Given that you said that your last relationship wasn't "the best", it no doubt has left its' mark on you. You are tenative as you feel that if you get close to someone and develop a relationship with them that it could turn into your previous relationship. What you have to understand is this...YES!....their is a chance that it could do that. But that is where realizing that it is time to take the risk. You have to learn that fear is a part of life. All of us have it. You just have to decide that you are ready to deal with that fear and move along. You overcome fears by going out and doing (and conquering) the very fear you have. You might stumble in the beginning. You might have setbacks. I have news for you.....those are part of this great big bag that we call LIFE. They will happen. It is up to you as to how you handle getting past them. Someone mentioned that this site is a great start, and I agree with that. Here, you get to talk to someone first. You get to know who they are without really seeing them in person. And while you will argue that people can lie on here (and I agree), it is easy to pick up on when someone is doing that. Still, I met my girlfriend on this site, made alot of friends here too, so I can definitely tell you this place works. Bottom line here. Just take that leap. I feel that if you wrote this post, then you are ready for dating. It's okay to be scared. Just don't let it run you. |
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I was in a relationship for a very long time and about 4 or 5 years ago I ended it (wasn't the best of relationship)....I'm not say I haven't gone out between than and now for I have, but devoted most of my time with my kids. I so want to go out and find someone I can spend time with but there is one thing that is stopping me.....I'm scared to try it again, I'm not sure why. How can I overcome this being scared anyone have an idea what I can do??? It's natural to feel this way once you begin dating, or when you are trying to move away from a past relationship. Given that you said that your last relationship wasn't "the best", it no doubt has left its' mark on you. You are tenative as you feel that if you get close to someone and develop a relationship with them that it could turn into your previous relationship. What you have to understand is this...YES!....their is a chance that it could do that. But that is where realizing that it is time to take the risk. You have to learn that fear is a part of life. All of us have it. You just have to decide that you are ready to deal with that fear and move along. You overcome fears by going out and doing (and conquering) the very fear you have. You might stumble in the beginning. You might have setbacks. I have news for you.....those are part of this great big bag that we call LIFE. They will happen. It is up to you as to how you handle getting past them. Someone mentioned that this site is a great start, and I agree with that. Here, you get to talk to someone first. You get to know who they are without really seeing them in person. And while you will argue that people can lie on here (and I agree), it is easy to pick up on when someone is doing that. Still, I met my girlfriend on this site, made alot of friends here too, so I can definitely tell you this place works. Bottom line here. Just take that leap. I feel that if you wrote this post, then you are ready for dating. It's okay to be scared. Just don't let it run you.  good post.!!
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instead of worrying about going out with someone on a date, find someone that you can go out with on a friendly date. go somewhere thats completely comfortable for you. try doing a few museums or a farmers market or a lake with lots of people around. get into a place that you have no fears. and the person should be a friend. do that for a while, and you will grow more comfortable with yourself and the other person and you might start trying new places, like nice dinners, movies, etc. work your way up to a casual dating situation
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I was in a relationship for a very long time and about 4 or 5 years ago I ended it (wasn't the best of relationship)....I'm not say I haven't gone out between than and now for I have, but devoted most of my time with my kids. I so want to go out and find someone I can spend time with but there is one thing that is stopping me.....I'm scared to try it again, I'm not sure why. How can I overcome this being scared anyone have an idea what I can do??? Patience...it is a virtue. Honestly, you really just need to lay back and evaluate what you desire and whether a partner can indeed fulfill that requirement. Do you need a partner, or are you looking for a compliment to your life? Most of the time need is not there but a compliment is nice, hang around social circles that are closely related to your own interests. I play pool, limits me to a pool hall (personal choice) or a bar...not much of a bar guy, kills the pocket. |
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if you are relying on "hope", you are doomed... i recommend action...
first decide what you want from a potential relationship.... step 2 ...well...get through step 1 and get back to me Thanks for all your good advice.......I guess I will see where it goes from here and hopefully things will work out for the best for me and everyone who have the same problem as I |
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Welcome to the club. After ending my 10 year relationship with my husband, I am terrified to try again. So, I start with just meeting new people, flirting, joking and having fun. Yes, I have a tendency to run 2 seconds after I start talking to someone, but I'm trying.
Problem is, no matter how bad we've been burned, we still get lonely. Hang in there.
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Ruth -- I guess we are like in somewhat the same boat.....The thing is I have no problem talking and flirting with guys I know as friends in this online game we all play....we even talk on teamspeak too......but than when I start talking with guys in places like these I just don't know what to say to them and I just like click and shut down the window (I know it's rude but can't help it.) I don't do that to everyone and have talked to at least one guy....but I still found it hard to talk with him and wanted to just click and shut down the window but I didn't.
I don't know maybe that was the first step and maybe eventually I will overcome this
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Ruth -- I guess we are like in somewhat the same boat.....The thing is I have no problem talking and flirting with guys I know as friends in this online game we all play....we even talk on teamspeak too......but than when I start talking with guys in places like these I just don't know what to say to them and I just like click and shut down the window (I know it's rude but can't help it.) I don't do that to everyone and have talked to at least one guy....but I still found it hard to talk with him and wanted to just click and shut down the window but I didn't. I don't know maybe that was the first step and maybe eventually I will overcome this Yeah, it's easy and fun to flirt in the forums. It's a start for me too. 
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Ruth -- I guess we are like in somewhat the same boat.....The thing is I have no problem talking and flirting with guys I know as friends in this online game we all play....we even talk on teamspeak too......but than when I start talking with guys in places like these I just don't know what to say to them and I just like click and shut down the window (I know it's rude but can't help it.) I don't do that to everyone and have talked to at least one guy....but I still found it hard to talk with him and wanted to just click and shut down the window but I didn't. I don't know maybe that was the first step and maybe eventually I will overcome this Yeah, it's easy and fun to flirt in the forums. It's a start for me too. I'm with both of you ladies. I'm trying to date again after a 20 year marriage. I found that dating is like most anything else in life. Practice makes perfect! Go on dates, have an open mind, expect nothing, just have fun. Eventually the right guy will come along. Good luck to all of us
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