okay, my ex and i have been seperated for a year now, the divorce is
almost final. he just moved to another town 100 miles away, still pays
support and everything, jsut refuses 2 take the kids at all. i know that
is his loss but the problem is he still wants me to play by his rules.
im not suppose 2 bring ne one around the kids, well ne one he hasnt met
first. so how am i suppose 2 meet ne one new or ne thing like that if i
cant even get one nite 2 myself? ne advise?

My question is why won't he take the kids? If you went to court, he is
actually suppose to take the kids every other weekend. If he doesn't
take the kids, then I would tell him that he has to pay a babysitter
when you go out---this is what I did with my ex. He started taking the
kids on his weekends.
We also had that agreement about not bringing anyone into the home
around the children. I totally agree with that one. The children don't
need to see you with a bunch of different people, and trust me in the
long run, you will be glad that you stuck with this.

he wont take the kids cause he thinks that is his way of controllin me
still, i understand with his job his days off change all the time but he
gets 10 days off in a row and doesnt even see them. the babysitter
thing, my regular sitter moved so when i found a new one he put a stop 2
that 2 cause he hasnt met her. im not even allowed 2 bring my friends
over 2 the house. dont get me wrong, ne one meets my kids, they stay in
their lives, but my kids r just that way, everyone seems 2 get attached
2 them. but he even had me served with papers sayin i cant let the
grandparents take the kids without his permission. i dont understand
what judge would sign that but my lawyer says its legal.

Does he pay child support? If so, you do realize that he gets 10% off
for him seeing the children even if he doesn't see them? It doesn't seem
fair, but what you need to do, is maybe have your lawyer write him a
letter and set up visitation days. I don't think I would allow him to
have that type of control over me. He sounds like a very controlling
arsehole. I thought you guys were trying to keep things under friendly
terms? I would say he just wants to control your life and do what he
wants! I would be seeing what I could do, you deserve some breaks...I
mean we love our kids very much, but they also need their father in
their lives!

yeah he pays child support, thats y he thinks he can still control
everything. what he doesnt realize is been as how he just got a raise
the kids get a raise also. things were goin good till he moved then he
started all this stuff. my lawyer has had him served with papers but it
doesnt matter, he said hed rather spend the rest of his life in prison
than do what some one tells him he has 2 do. so been as how winter is
comin on quick here and the kids just started school, hes really not
gonna be happy cause my lawyer is makin him trade me vehicles cause his
is a new truck that is mechanically sound and mine keeps breakin down on
the way 2 school. he forgets that been as how we were still legally
married when he signed the papers for the truck that in nevada i have a
rite 2 it cause the laws. ud think hed want the kids 2 ride in a safe
vehicle that the heater actually works in tho.

I went though the same thing for 3 years. I had to finaly take my x back
to court. I can now take my kids out of state to see my family when ever
I want to. All I have to do is give him a ! week notice that iam taking
them to see my family.I also got the court papers changed that my mom
can see and have them over night as long as it is not on his time and I
dont have to tell him.How he was even able to get that put on the papers
I dont know but I did get it changed and it was not hard to do.

thanx heather i will have 2 talk 2 my lawyer bout that stuff cause he
has where the only way i can take the kids out the state is if he is
with us. which makes it heard 2 take my daughter 2 her doctors
appointments cause they r out of state.

i think it's his way of ramaining in control, was he controling while
you were in the relationship? he doesn't want you to meet anyone else.
and you can already see where this is going, he won't ever want to meet
any of these people and always use the excuse that you can't have them
around the kids because he hasn't met them. get full custody and tell
him to get fucked.
this situation is never going to end unless you put your foot down and
do something about it.

yes he was controlling, and i already have full custody. nevada state
laws wont allow him 2 have custody cause he has a felony on his record.
so king ur pretty much sayin i should do what i gotta do and go from
there if he doesnt like it then he can fuck off.

don't cause any unnecessary problems for yourself but yeah. it doesn't
sound like the situation is ever gonna change, i mean if he expects you
to live up to your end of the deal then he should live up to his and it
doesn't sound like he is intending to. sounds like he's gonna keep
avoiding meeting these people so that you don't have a chance to meet
anyone and when you finally do meet someone, he's gonna want to raise
hell about it and try to make it out to be your fault. that's just my
opinion though. does that sound like something that he would do?

yeah , sounds exactly like him. i know the kids need their dad in their
lives but there r times i just wish he would sign his rites away so that
everyone could move on. but thanx everyone for the advice.

it's sad when the kids get caught in the middle but it wouldn't happen
if people wouldn't use them as leverage.
i think people that use their kids as leverage to get what they want
should have their rights taken anyway, it's just too hard to prove and
things get messy when you try to punish someone for their intentions
instead of what they actually did because it comes down to who do you
believe(it's a he said she said thing)

i hope that everything works out for the best though

the fact that he dosen't want to spend time with his children shows you
he dosent really care that much about them. He is using them to control
you, you need to take that control away from him you your kids sake as
well as your own.

So you guys are still legally married? I would be careful on dating
anyone then, you don't want him to do anything to show that you are
having a bunch of guys around the kids. I think this guy is just a jerk,
he reminds me of my ex esp. about the part to where he doesn't want you
to meet anyone else. Men are so strange, they want their cake and eat it
too. I would be talking to your lawyer about the visitation thing
though. You need a break just like he does.
Honestly, I have never heard of giving notice on taking the kids out of
state. I take my boys out of state all the time and I don't have to tell
my ex. If I am suppose to---well I am breaking the law! Would that be
somewhere in our papers or what? I have family out of state and I visit
there on a regular basis, and of course I take the boys with me. As long
as it doesn't interfere with his weekend---why should he really care?

i think the out of state deal is usually only enforced when the divorce
is still being finalized and until custody is settled.
i agree with that statement about waiting til it is finalized though
unsure, alot of people would try to use that as grounds but you also
have to think about if he really wants custody of the kids. some people
use it as leverage but never intend of getting custody and taking care
of them.

as for the takin the kids out of state, if the stipulation is set then
yeah it would be in ur papers. alot of people dont have it unless they r
afraid of someone runnin. he seems 2 think i am gonna take the kids and
run. i have no where 2 run 2 unless it is 2 his family so it shouldnt
matter then. he is just tryin 2 controll everything like he always has.
as for gettin involved with ne one, i havent even tried cause of it not
bein finalized, well that and havin a hard time with trust. just
everyone i know i met thru him so i have been tryin 2 find people who
have no ties 2 him at all and is hard when he still tries 2 run the
show.

unsure the reason I have to give him notice that i am taking them out of
state is because we have joint custody.

Oh I see Heather, thats why I would not go for joint custody. I don't
have to explain anything like that...thank god! Now if he has the kids,
does he have to tell you when he takes them out of state? It seems like
he would just to be fair!
Amacree..I think you need to make new friends that do not have any ties
to him...it does not have to be men friends, just friends. It sounds
like your ex is trying to control your every move. When you said that
you guys were trying to keep this as friendly as possible, I wondered
how long that would last. Usually they do keep it friendly as long as
you do what they say! You would think that your lawyer would set up
something to where he has to keep a relationship with the
children...thats how my lawyer did it. They set up a visitation schedule
and in order for him to get a 10% discount off of his child support, he
had to go by that schedule. Then the next time we went to court, they
checked with my records to see if he was keeping up with the scheduled
visitation.
I myself, don't think they should get a discount to see their
children...but I guess the courts do. I guess they give that to them
because when they get the children they have to buy food and whatever.
I really hope that things work out with you and things start to go
smoother. Because once they do, then you can say what I now say...I have
been divorced for 9 wonderful years!! :) Good Luck

Ohhh girl, I feel for ya well its been 15 yrs now that I have been
divorced. Aww and yeah my ex, tried a lot of the same things . The house
thing was such an issure cause he had the house first. Well only way I
knew to solve that is we sold the darn thing he got half and I got half
of the money which I needed my kids were girl 7 boy 9. Was threated to
be run off the road and had my kids in the truck. He was going nuts
about the house so sold it. I had to move and he did not have contact to
me except through his mother which Bless her soul helped me out in every
way she could and still does to this day. Every time he called it was
drama time. Needless to say sold the house solved that problem, and I
might say with the help of a phone call that I have no ideal who did it,
they more or less told him if he ran me off the road or sliced my tires
he would be picking up pieces of his in the driveway which it was
parked. And if he tried to lay one hand on me the promise was that he
would have a hard time walking with both legs in cast for that is the
way he would be by morning. Well to whom ever it was I have thanked them
many of time lol at least in my mind. Then there was a issue of him
trying to tell me what to do and when and he would not pick up the kids
child support I agreed on was half of waht I could have gotton but ohhh
soo worth them papers being sign. I would say to you dont argue with him
if you can prevent that dont press the issue either it will cause him to
flair up at you. He is very a controlling person but they do have
things to help him see the light. Ask your lawyer there is a restrant
order you can get you must prove it is needed sure his background and
history will be good enough. Also you can check with the DA's office in
your area. They offer divorces and the orders to help keep him away But
can only use these if you dont have a lawyer at that time. Cut all ties
that you can for yours I promise is not one to play with hope I'm wrong
but dont think Im' too far off on that. Girl its hard but dont back down
and give into him. First thing is first call your lawyer and talk to him
tell him what all is going on. Do not in any way let ones know if you
are seeing someone that is a no no until the divorce it will just cause
him to change the paper's and of course more cost too you. There is
nothing you can do about him not taking the kids myself I was happy mine
did not. You press him about that or more money its not worth it if he
lays you up in a hospital due to it pissed him off. Believe me were
there is a will there is a way. Keep everything as calma as you can. Get
online its in front of you. There are programs that are willing to help
you if needed. Social Services and never forget the local churhes and it
dont matter if you go to church or not they will help. Good luck don't
do anything before talking to your lawyer lay out the details very
clear of what your ex might or could do and threats he has given you
make notes and keep you a small book to write your notes in . Best
Wishes