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| Topic: WHY WOMEN ARE CRABBY | |
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Received the following via email and wanted to share
Why Women Are Crabby We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hear-me-roar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-served impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more? When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. ~Author Unknown~ |
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 I love it!
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AMEN!
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LMAO
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Dying here...that was AWESOME!!!
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To WomanHood,, for we are Phoneminal
  
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Love it, love it, love it!!!!!!!
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laughed so hard I thought I was going to wet myself
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& that was the optimists version!
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AH HAHAHAH!!!!
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Huh, and here all this time I thought women were crabby because men had the nerve to speak.
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Huh, and here all this time I thought women were crabby because men had the nerve to speak.
that too 
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OMG!!! THAT WAS GREAT!!! I almost spewed on this part!
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils 
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When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. Women actually reach their sexual peak the same time men do. However, men around the age of 18 do not know how to satisfy a woman, while men who are more experienced at the age of 40 know how to satisfy a woman, or the woman understands her body so well by now, she knows how to make sure she's satisfied during a sexual encounter. Seriously, if you girls are complaining about all this, suck it up. None of it is really that big a deal. |
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When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. Women actually reach their sexual peak the same time men do. However, men around the age of 18 do not know how to satisfy a woman, while men who are more experienced at the age of 40 know how to satisfy a woman, or the woman understands her body so well by now, she knows how to make sure she's satisfied during a sexual encounter. Seriously, if you girls are complaining about all this, suck it up. None of it is really that big a deal. you misunderstood
nothing to suck up here; but thanks for sharing
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When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. Women actually reach their sexual peak the same time men do. However, men around the age of 18 do not know how to satisfy a woman, while men who are more experienced at the age of 40 know how to satisfy a woman, or the woman understands her body so well by now, she knows how to make sure she's satisfied during a sexual encounter. Seriously, if you girls are complaining about all this, suck it up. None of it is really that big a deal. OKAY! You must not have had kids yet! Just you wait, and it is medically documented that women are in thier sexual prime in thier 30's and 40's. Maybe, a little more time and you too will be a part of this elite club! 
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Now You all know why I have a DOLL!!!
 
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