Wisely put ... I think the older some (all?) of us get, the more we realize the qualities that are negotiable for us and those that aren't -- and the 'packaging' doesn't seem quite as high on the priority list as it maybe once did. So glad you've found your own version of 'ideal' - wish you both much happiness!

In a way....this one is kinda tough for me.

I have run into quite a few divorced women ( some with kids, some without ) that are so p*ssed off and bitter about what their ex did or didn't do that even considering dating them would just be asking for problems.

As fas as whether or not she has kids...well..fortunately for me, and unfortunately for some women I have met, my daughter was a very well behaved kid. That gives me a relatively low tolerance for women who have children that are out of control.

I look at it this way....if you can't keep your children under control ( and don't get me wrong, I know that kids will be kids at times, that's not what I am referring to here ) then how much control can you have with other important things in your life?

The Brady's made it seem so easy, didn't they? Darn television!

I have found it is pretty much a guess either way. Guys/gals who have kids seem to be looking for someone who is the polar opposite of their Ex or just like them and of course another person will never be either.
Some guys there is a reason they don't have kids and others are first class material as parents.
When spouse hunting it usually pays to look first at how you really think they stack up because even if they are great step parent material they may of may not work out to be a great spouse.

#1: no felonies.

#2: brains.

#3: ability to use #2.

#4: hetrosexual. I don't do bi. That's a copout.

Yep. Isn't it amazing how any crisis can get worked out in 22 minutes??

#5: a job, car, and commitments. If I want a needy codependent dependent- I will adopt children.

I give Alice all the credit - she was the glue that held that cRaZy bunch together, imo!

#6: admirable hobby. Because I don't want to be her admirable hobby. I want to be the man she's in a relationship with. I'm not a hobby, playtoy, or token for her amusement.

I followed your logic on most of this but for the record being widowed does not mean you compare the next person constantly in reference to someone you "miss". I may compare the person in my future to my late spouse in as much as I will probably seek someone of similiar traits in the things I liked about him but on the other hand I will just as likely seek a person who doesn't have the traits I wasn't all the wild about and I sure don't want a second edition of a love that ended. But one thing about being widowed is it is over it is final and there is not going to be an Ex hanging around and you are not going to be in my life until I am ready for you to be in my life. Maybe that is not true of other widows but most I know don't date until the greiveing and "missing" are over and done with. Another thing about many widows is they don't have to worry about a alimoney check coming and so they are not just looking for a paycheck but a partner that is worth the pension that they are giving up so you know when it is you that they really want.

I gotta chime in here --

~~ I don't have a 'type' or preference - it's totally about the individual and I guess I've dated all of those 'categories'.

The comments about not being sure about dating someone who has never been married ... or had children...

I'm 46, I've never been legally married. However, I was in an almost 20 year relationship that was pretty much a marriage without a license. He was divorced, with 2 small children when we met ~ I helped raise those children into adulthood, we were closer than they were able to be with their biological Mother. I am in contact with them to this day and still receive Mother's Day cards from both of them.

I helped raise my three nieces, since their Mother was not in the picture and my brother was struggling. Everything from them living with me at times, to financially, to being their legal guardian, to being the only one to show up at their school and sports functions (besides my parents), to helping them choose prom dresses and getting braces on their teeth, to being in the delivery room when one of them had their child. She didn't ask her Mother or her Father to be there, she asked me to be there with her.

So, no I have never been legally married, nor do I have biological children. However, I do believe I totally understand and have lived both roles.

Maybe we all need to look further than what category is checked in a drop down box to get to know the real person before making decisions?

Just a thought

#7: vaginal aptitude. If you count all the children you bore in your house as results of relationship trial and error or call any of the fathers of the children "The sperm donor" or think you are the center of the universe because you brag repeatedly about how important you are because you've experienced multiple childbirths I can't date you for your lack of self respect or respect for others.

After my past experiences of men with no kids..............i have a new found appreciation of a man who has kids they feel you when you are talking about being a parent and they can relate............so for me know I want a man with a kid or kids............they are more understanding of my situation........

#8: no dangerous, reckless risktakers. I think everyone agrees on this one.

awaiting #9...

Why bother? Its not going to do any good here. Morals, accountability, and responsibility is just a dream.

Wow such optimism.................