A science teacher asks a student, "Mike if you could have any element of the element table what would it be." Mike said gold, because gold is worth a lot and I could have a Ferrari in my drive way every day. The teacher asked another student "Johnny what element would you choose" Johnny said platinum because platinum is more expensive than gold and I could have a Viper in my drive way every day. The teacher asked another student "George what element would you pick" George said silicone. Silicone the amazed teacher asked. George said

"Because my mom got some silicone and now she has a ferrari and a viper in her drive way

There's a middle age man who decides it's finally time to buy a sports car so he goes out and buys a red convertible Corvette. He get's it out on the highway, wind whipping through his thinning hair, and decides to gun it up to about 85MPH. Much to his dismay he sees police lights in his rear view mirror. He thinks to himself, what the hell, and revs it up to about 100. After coming to his senses and deciding he doesn't want to go to jail he slows down and pulls over. The cop is tired after a long shift and wants to go home so he tells the guy, "if you can give me an excuse I've never heard of I'll let you go. So the guy tells the cop, I heard my wife ran off with a cop and I was afraid you were bring her back. Cop says you can go.