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| Topic: Why does this always happen? | |
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alright.... i get that asking the guy out is the best thing to do if he doesnt.... but the thought that floats around in my mind is that if i am the one that asks him out, will i be the one who has to do everything? ie will i have to put forth all the effort to attempt to make something of what is?.... thats why my "relationships" (if you can call them that) never work.. because i exhaust myself trying to make everyone happy but i never get any effort/ attention returned I think you just answered your own question.  what do you mean? how so? Well. Let's break this down here. You have been the aggressor in the past, since the guys just are scared to ask you out. Thus, as a result, you are putting forth the effort. You ask them out, they say yes, everything is great. Guy obviously wanted a date with you, so all is well. But, you see that you are putting more into it than he is. You are trying to make everyone happy, and this is a problem. You can't try to make everyone happy. You have to make yourself happy first, and it seems to me that you are trying to make a relationship...a true relationship, out of every date you have, and you can't do that. I like making people happy too, but I learned that I cannot make everyone happy. I have to make myself happy first. You are getting worried about all the what if's here, and it is understandable why that is. But, you have to understand that even when you ask a guy out (and he wanted to go out with you) things could still not work out. My thought is this. If you want to ask a guy out, then do it. Don't do it cause you can tell he likes you and you just want to see what could happen. If you are interested in him enough, ask him out and then just go easy on the first few dates. Don't try to assume a relationship will develop. You have to let that come on its' own accord. You would be amazed at how funny a relationship will come to you. When you least expect it....BAM...it comes along. |
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alright.... i get that asking the guy out is the best thing to do if he doesnt.... but the thought that floats around in my mind is that if i am the one that asks him out, will i be the one who has to do everything? ie will i have to put forth all the effort to attempt to make something of what is?.... thats why my "relationships" (if you can call them that) never work.. because i exhaust myself trying to make everyone happy but i never get any effort/ attention returned In the past i've been pretty shy about asking out really pretty girls. Even now it's intimadating. Truth is, you feel you'll get rejected more by them reguardless if it's the same amount you normally get rejected. So you end up just letting it pass you bye. To answer your question, I've had pretty girls make the first move. After about a week or two that intimidation goes away completely (usually most of it goes away on the first date). So i doubt that it has anyhting to do with that. I think it's more you choosing the wrong guys. Go for a nerd, they always return the attention. |
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In response to your original inquiry. Something you are doing is making you come off as unavailable, or you are surrounded by infective males.
The job of a male is too pursue females. If you are not being pursued, then perhaps you are inadvertently giving off signals that you are not available. At your age, your main purpose is to be sexually receptive. This will likely be contrary to your upbringing and social training. No matter what your mother, aunt, or older sisters might say... males in your peer group are peeking in their sexual drive. If you are not giving off an availability vibe for any reason, chances are they are going to move on. If you ask the guy out you may come off as desperate. Ask him out, but do it in a manner that gives him the chance to think that it was his idea. Men will not pass up the opportunity to chase tail... figure out how to give them that, without compromising your values and you will never loose. |
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Try being uglier..........
 
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I have no idea. You look cute and since you're in college I'll assume you're intelligent. Those would be two prime ingredients for most guys to ask you out on a date.
I dunno why these guys are having a problem getting your phone number and asking you out. Maybe since they are college students they don't have money? Seriously, you could be sending these guys subtle messages that you're unapproachable and even if they took you on a date they wouldn't get to first base with you. A man, unless he's nuts, is not going to spend a lot of time on a woman who is sending him signals that she's really not that interested in him. |
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INTIMIDATION!!! This is the correct answer!!!
Ive been told I itimidate men......by men. Only the strongest survive!!!  
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INTIMIDATION!!! This is the correct answer!!! Ive been told I itimidate men......by men. Only the strongest survive!!! And how do you accomplish this? Wait. I think I know. You use your wonder twin powers right? "Form of...A woman who knows more about cars than a guy does." Now that is intimidating.
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uh huh.... so the best way to get the guy to be a man and ask me out is to either be uglier or intimidate the hell outta the poor bastard..... somehow i dont think that would actually work for me......
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uh huh.... so the best way to get the guy to be a man and ask me out is to either be uglier or intimidate the hell outta the poor bastard..... somehow i dont think that would actually work for me...... Okay...since I can't message you and say this in private (due to your settings and all), I will post this here. Just don't get mad at me for making this observation about you and this situation. Okay? You are too damn hung up on finding a relationship, and you are obsessed with this "I'm so pretty, but the guys won't ask me out even though I know they want to, blah..blah." You sound arrogant about how you look. I don't mind that you like how you look, but you come off as being someone who thinks that "Wow. I am pretty yet why can I not get a guy? I am pretty. This should be easy for me." As I mentioned earlier, I really feel you are sending out the wrong vibes to guys. If a guy feels that a women is hot, but she acts with a "b*tchy" attitude, he is not gonna waste his time. Not saying you do this. I am trying to show you how guys will take to you. You also seem to be a chick who has tons of guy friends, which is cool. But, when you start off as friends, crossing that line becomes hard. Getting to know someone and then dating is cool. But, when you get to know someone and you get into that "friends zone" then if an attraction occurs, it becomes difficult to cross that friends line. Just relax. Understand that dating is not an exact science. Oh, and as to intimidation. I think you intimidate guys already with your "good looks". Like has been stated, guys see a good looking woman and they feel that she is out of there league. That, and the fear of rejection hits. |
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uh huh.... so the best way to get the guy to be a man and ask me out is to either be uglier or intimidate the hell outta the poor bastard..... somehow i dont think that would actually work for me...... Okay...since I can't message you and say this in private (due to your settings and all), I will post this here. Just don't get mad at me for making this observation about you and this situation. Okay? You are too damn hung up on finding a relationship, and you are obsessed with this "I'm so pretty, but the guys won't ask me out even though I know they want to, blah..blah." You sound arrogant about how you look. I don't mind that you like how you look, but you come off as being someone who thinks that "Wow. I am pretty yet why can I not get a guy? I am pretty. This should be easy for me." As I mentioned earlier, I really feel you are sending out the wrong vibes to guys. If a guy feels that a women is hot, but she acts with a "b*tchy" attitude, he is not gonna waste his time. Not saying you do this. I am trying to show you how guys will take to you. You also seem to be a chick who has tons of guy friends, which is cool. But, when you start off as friends, crossing that line becomes hard. Getting to know someone and then dating is cool. But, when you get to know someone and you get into that "friends zone" then if an attraction occurs, it becomes difficult to cross that friends line. Just relax. Understand that dating is not an exact science. Oh, and as to intimidation. I think you intimidate guys already with your "good looks". Like has been stated, guys see a good looking woman and they feel that she is out of there league. That, and the fear of rejection hits. okay cool... i see where youre coming from....... and for the record, i was actually afraid of putting some of that stuff down in my original questions (ie.. the guys think im hot stuff) because i didnt want people to think i am arrogant but i put it down because it illustrates me point..... honestly i think im about average and i think its a really big compliment when anyone tells me im pretty, and i always say thank you because they didnt have to say that..... and yes i do want a relationship eventually but thats not what im really interested in at this point, sorry if i came off that way... i just want to be able to enjoy things with people... i just gdt so tired of being around all my friends who are in nice relationships and im always the single one... thats al and since you guys are on here, i would assume its the same for you... lifes just better when theres that one person you can turn to no matter what and know that they care about you in a way that no one else does....... |
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uh huh.... so the best way to get the guy to be a man and ask me out is to either be uglier or intimidate the hell outta the poor bastard..... somehow i dont think that would actually work for me...... Okay...since I can't message you and say this in private (due to your settings and all), I will post this here. Just don't get mad at me for making this observation about you and this situation. Okay? You are too damn hung up on finding a relationship, and you are obsessed with this "I'm so pretty, but the guys won't ask me out even though I know they want to, blah..blah." You sound arrogant about how you look. I don't mind that you like how you look, but you come off as being someone who thinks that "Wow. I am pretty yet why can I not get a guy? I am pretty. This should be easy for me." As I mentioned earlier, I really feel you are sending out the wrong vibes to guys. If a guy feels that a women is hot, but she acts with a "b*tchy" attitude, he is not gonna waste his time. Not saying you do this. I am trying to show you how guys will take to you. You also seem to be a chick who has tons of guy friends, which is cool. But, when you start off as friends, crossing that line becomes hard. Getting to know someone and then dating is cool. But, when you get to know someone and you get into that "friends zone" then if an attraction occurs, it becomes difficult to cross that friends line. Just relax. Understand that dating is not an exact science. Oh, and as to intimidation. I think you intimidate guys already with your "good looks". Like has been stated, guys see a good looking woman and they feel that she is out of there league. That, and the fear of rejection hits. okay cool... i see where youre coming from....... and for the record, i was actually afraid of putting some of that stuff down in my original questions (ie.. the guys think im hot stuff) because i didnt want people to think i am arrogant but i put it down because it illustrates me point..... honestly i think im about average and i think its a really big compliment when anyone tells me im pretty, and i always say thank you because they didnt have to say that..... and yes i do want a relationship eventually but thats not what im really interested in at this point, sorry if i came off that way... i just want to be able to enjoy things with people... i just gdt so tired of being around all my friends who are in nice relationships and im always the single one... thats al and since you guys are on here, i would assume its the same for you... lifes just better when theres that one person you can turn to no matter what and know that they care about you in a way that no one else does....... Point taken, and I see what you are saying. So now that I know you aren't arrogant, it's cool. I might have been wrong with how I read it, but, it was how I took it. Anyways, I can understand when you have friends who are with someone, and they are happy and you see that and want that too. Hey, we all want that. So I feel ya on that one. It is great to be loved and appreciated by someone, and to be able to love and appreciate them is awesome as well. I also know what you mean when someone says "You are hot.", or "You look good.", or some kind of compliment like that. It makes you feel good. I know I don't view myself as such, and I am always flattered by the remarks...even when I don't believe them. And, speaking as a guy, when I was single, I had a hard time approaching women, just cause I am basically shy (at first) until I get to know the person. Then, I am crazy as hell. But see, on here, I am able to be myself. A lot of people do pretend to be someone that they aren't, but not me. I am truly goofy, have a weird sense of humor, and that is what attracted my girlfriend to me. That, and I am old school, meaning I will open up her car door for her (my dad trained me well, lol). |
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thank you ^_^
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