My niece is 19 but she has mental retardation. She came to live with me six months ago and since this time til present, she has done nothing but lie and have unprotected sex with two guys. I had talked to her thousands of times about HIV and desease's but seems that shes not worried about that. She had three boyfriends, the last was three days ago then she goes and tells me last night that she was back with her ex-boyfriend. Well me and my husband had a serious talk with her and told her that she needs to get her GED and not worry about guys that she needs to set goals for herself. Its like taking to a brick wall my niece never listens or take advice that we give to her and Im at the end of my rope. She has met this guy and the 2nd time she went to visti him at his place, she ended up having sex with him and didn't think about using protection. I am ashamed of her because she has no self respect for herself and shes like desperate to have a boyfriend. The line she pulls on me is nobody supports her or cares which is all a pity self feeling and she never stops to think that deseases are out there. She tried to commit suicide over a freaken guy and ended up going into a mental treatment hospital for two days the third day she came home. I just cannot belive anything that comes out of her mouth, she lies about alot of things and its like shes took advantage of me and the fact she doesn't care. She is not responsible to live on her own because she has showed me shes not mature enough and she is like a child in her mind due to her MR. I just don't know what else I can do and need help here. I suggested many times for her to go the group home and she will not go because she thinks that they will keep her because its run by the state but its a place where she needs to be since she will not respect the people she lives with. She has put so much stress on me and doesn't care. I just need some advice here.

Didn't you write a thread about this yesterday?

yes she did kick her out

You posted about this yesterday. You received alot of good advise.

She is mentally retarded not hard headed.

Yes, and it was just as

first off all was she proven to be retarted or is she just a very slow learner, as im a slow learner as well as my son and we were told that anyone that is a slow learner is retarted. (WHICH IS ''FF' BULL) i have a cousin that is a yr older than my son and you look at her and him and there way differnt. she is severly retarted and she wouldnt even know what or how to take care of herself. now with my son, he some what knows the valve of a dollar as he loves to spend money

MHO would be to see if your local hospital does tours to the terminally ill area...where they keep the terminal HIV/AIDS patients. Let the nurses and doctors explain to her what happens and how her body will degenerate until she couldnt even fight a common cold!

I dealt with that with my little sister (now 25 yrs old, 3 different baby daddies). She obviously learned her lesson! Its rough, but we cant do anything but try to point them in the right direction. She needs to know she is loved, and can go to you for anything. There is a reason she is living with you, and that is because nobody else could or was willing to deal with the BS she was dishing out! The last thing she needs is for someone else to throw their hands in the air and give up on her.

Take her to the community college and enroll her in the GED classes they have there. Tell her that she is likely to meet someone better than the 3 a$$holes she is with...someone that has potential to be someone later in life because he cares about his education and future.

Let her know that she doesnt have to depend on any man to take care of her and that if she works hard enough, she can be a strong, independent woman! She has the potential, just not the motivation (trust me, I had to do this with my sister).

Hope this helps.

You have a husband who is bipolar... and your niece sounds the same... I would speak to a medical doctor about what your options are... if you can't afford a psych evaluation and meds, then ask them about state funded programs.

If she is truly mentally retarded then she is not capable of the kind of reasoning you are expecting. Are you her legal guardian? It is obvious you cannot handle her. Seek professional help. Your profile says you are a health care professional,in that case, you should know how to connact the proper state agencies to get her the help she needs.

might want to think about seeking professional help for her you and your family. best wishes.

I would look for courses on how to better relate to her...whether she has a learning curve or has true mental issues, she is probably not processing the information the way you're feeding it to her as you might think she can.

That being said...often girls who have issues that have labeled them as different their whole lives, will use sex as a means to feel accepted by boys who would not have given her the time of day otherwise. They feel this gives them control and popularity and use it frequently not understanding the concept that they are only being used for it.

A good councilor should be able to help her with this issue as well as teach you how to make her feel empowered in her life...and not just by using her body for a false sense of empowerment.

I work with MR clients in a supported living program. In the state where I live, you have to take tests that prove that you are cognitively limited. Then you are either put in a group home or set up in an apartment. You might want to look into the state helping, if she qualifies for help.

Ummm..your profile says that you are divorced with no children.
But..you have said that you have a bi-polar husband and are a stay-at-home wife with kids at home.

It also says she is a "health care provider" yet she dosn't seem to have a clue as to what to do with a "retarded" girl?

Been through, done that what you are facing and no such problems with my daughter. Perhaps it's because I spend a lot of time with her and try to understand her which no one else in the family did. From what you've posted it sounds to me like you need to change your thinking. Did you not say she has mental retardation? Do you fully know what this means? Why isn't she in school? All schools are covered by federal programs and all such children up to age 23 come under the ADA (American With Disabiliteis Act) and cannot be refused an IEP (Individualized Education Program) by any school district. Contact your local school board or the school appropriate for her age, high school if she is high school age, etc. Maybe if you put a little extra effort into her life she will make improvements.

You also say you and your husband had a serious talk with her but your profile shows that you do not have or not living with a husband. And you are on here. How do you think this looks to a child, especially one who has MR or DD (developmental disabilities).

Finally, please work on your grammar, run on paragraphs and presentation skills before contacting the school. As an adult in your situation representing a child who apparently needs a lot of special care and understanding you need to come off much better than you have here. Children learn more from examples set than they do from preaching.