My niece came to live with me and our family six months ago. She has mental retardation, 19 and has a mind of a child but to her she see's different. Since she came to live with us, I had nothing but trouble from her. Having a boyfriend, sleeping with him off school grounds at lunch break which she did this twice and worst of all she didn't think about using protection or the fact she could caught a desease or HIV. She had two boyfriends and she had sex with them which the third guy she met, she had visited him the 2nd time after she met him and ended up having sex with him she didn't even know him well. I was very angry at her and to me she doesn't have any respect for herself or decency. She had became suicidal and tried to commit suicide so she went into a adult mental hospital and came home two days laters. Nothing has changed, I tired so many times to talk to her and she never listens. Im at the end of a losing battle and need some help here. She has a counseling appointment but her attitude is negative about life and its like she only cares for guys and nothing else. Like an addiction she has to have one and she has turned out to be like her mother who is a slut and worthless. Any advice would help!

i've known lots of girls like her.they usaully get knocked up and can't take care of their child.make a doctor appointment to get one of those shots so the situation doesn't get worse.

Family Services may be able to help you. So might United Way.

You have your hands full and she needs help.

talk to her counselor your self. They can probably give you pointers on what to do and not to do. chances are your enabling her right now.

The only thing I can think of is letting her counselor know this info about her. It seems to me she is not capable of making decissions. She could be deamed as unsafe to her self and the state would take control. If it is too hard for you to deal with.

You say she is mentally retarded, and has the mind of a child?
How and Why in Gods name is she permitted to have boyfriends, and sexual relationships?
It isn't a counsellor she needs. It's medical supervision and treatment.
You also don't say whether she was put in your custody for any particular reason.

She is not capable of making decisions and she needs help. Make an appointment for you and her to discuss this with a professional. She most likely is and will be easy prey for any type of sexual advances, she is not able to think, or react as an adult woman. Is she attending a special school for the mentally impaired? Good luck, hope things get better for you and her.

"She has mental retardation" I think I would maybe get her one of the shots, I think you might be a little hard on her calling her worthless and her mother the same. We all have worth, sometimes it doesnt shine until it needs to.
I think maybe a group home might be a good place for her. She is beyond your control, so before you do something rash out of frustration, I would talk to her and see what she understands truly and what she doesnt.
This is a hard situation, but it seems you have some ill will for her mother anyway, you maybe taking it out on her. Even though she has retardation she may be picking up on the bad vibes or sins of her mother that you havent let go of yet. Just remember she's her and her Mom is a different person.

I picked up on that too.

OK....wow, you bit off more than you could chew. Unless you have training in this type of thing, it can get to be extremely frustrating. The hardest part is diciphering what you have control over.

You do NOT have control over her sexual impulses. You also do NOT have control over her mental capabilities or lack of them. Therein lies the clue.....you said she is mentally retarded, has the mind of a child. She doesn't have a mind at all when it comes to sex. She is responding at a purely animal level. Unless you can get social services to lock her up or place her in an all womans institution (highly unlikely), she WILL continue to have sex. You may not be able to convey to her the danger of unprotected sex, but you can have her get a birthcontrol shot, although it may have to be court ordered.

She is mentally retarded. She is not capable of making rational decisions or able to understand long term consequences. Talking to her until you are blue in the face will only accomplish that you are blue in the face! You are very noble and caring to want the best for her, but you have to let go of many of the expectations you would normally have of a 19 year old and just go for 'safe' instead. She probably isn't going to understand 'safe' sex, but I'm wondering if it would be possible to find out who these guys are that she's having sex with and pull some strings in dealing with them? Good luck and let us know what transpires.

WOW

Yeah this is advice for professionals man. I have no experience in this and I would actually be afraid to provide assistance with this. But good luck with that.

Seek professional help. We are just well-meaning friends who care, but this isn't something to get wrong advise about.

Good luck & call a counselor. Like yesterday

Hey man, I dunno if you believe or not, but I will pray. That's all I can do.

This is more common than you might think. Before you let your frustration get the best of you remember this child does not have the capability truly to understand what she is doing is wrong. And that with a limited intellect she is probably being led astray by individuals who do have thier full capacities. This is tantamount to rape even if she is agreeing to it as she doesn't understand the responsiblities that go along with sex. Most people that suffer from retardation at any level have a Need to make people happy and will agree to almost anything. They also think that if they do what someone wants that it means that person is thier friend. And sex is a human drive no matter the person's mental level. Get her on birth control asap. Try to avoid judging her the same way as you would a reasoning person for your own sake as well as hers. And if you truly have bitten off more than you can chew. Get state help and get her into a facility for the mildly impaired. She will be happier and so will you....

I very strongly agree!
Good Luck.

I don't understand... If she even MENTIONED suicide, why hasn't someone taken her to a mental facility? I am assuming she has medical and mental benefits if she sees a counselor. That counselor should have her mandatorily issued at least temporarily to a mental facility. There, she would see lots of people who call themselves Jesus and John Wayne, get a peek at who she gets to become and how she'll get treated. She must not be terrible mentally challenged if she is in a position to attend regular school, but perhaps she should be somewhere else??? Not somewhere where these situations can even arise. If you have custody, you have power.

Another point worth mentioning... What about pills too?


Does she want to get better? Maybe they can give her zoloft since it is effective and not addicting like a drug or anything.

agreed

There are also support groups to contact.