Hi (((Betty)))) doing great...good to see you.

I so agree the people don't look into their caregivers most times. We try very hard to keep it within the family when possible and prefer friends who've had experience with someone if an outsider is needed. Word of mouth is always more likely to reveal any issues since people love to talk up the negative.

Word of mouth is a very good way if they are your friends and not the babysitters.
I have had some babysitting horror stories when mine were little. This woman came highly recommend but it was from a mutual friend. That is why I, m am saying it is best not to take a recommendation from someone who is a also a personal friend of the babysitter , unless of course they have personally used them and were very satisfied

I truly dont know how I was lucky enough not to go thru any scary situations. Had her in day care and glad to say it was a great experience, great place with great teachers and aides. But we are also talking eons ago. But I am very thorough in my research and only family babysits.

You were very lucky indeed !
The lady I am talking about I found out she left my little one in a playpen all day ., and only let her out when I was due to pick her up .I found this out by accident when she took care of my other daughter and my daughter told me what she was doing.
I got her out of there so fast !I took a month off work till I could find a new place !

wow, I am however glad you found out soon - there are plenty of people that should never be left in charge of others period, imagine children...

Yes and this was so subtle ..that is the scarey Part!

just to further elaborate on your last comment, I know of a lot of parents that do the same... leave their kids in playpens/cribs just plain old out of their way...

You are right their Fran..I have seen that too .Or they use a T.v as a babysitter such a shame , kids need a lot of stimulation to develop and a playpen or tv won't do it!

When I got divorced I knew I need to be able to take control of the children's discipline as their mother is free for all and no notion is above the children consequently they were climbing the furniture as though there were trees and once I caught the mother on the top of the table with one of the kids screaming on the ground (another story for another time)
I knew also that just trusting the gut feelings for disciplining is not the right way

So I enquired and ended up taking parenting classes with this most wonderful lady who is a genius.

One of the things that I learned was that the kids must be treated as people only the little people and with respect if we are to have their respect back. I will give an example

A situation in supermarket

You are at the check out they would start screaming wanting something which detracts you from transaction consequently you either get short changed or items get forgotten on the counter
What to do?

This is what I adopted

The very first time it happened I discussed it in the class
On the second time when it happened the kids were called to a family meeting which should happen regularly
and it was said that the incident in the supermarket was not acceptable to dad and we are in the meeting to agree what consequence should follow if that was to happen again

The consequence (observe no mention of punishment) got decided by the kids themselves, which could be depriving from a popular activity for a given time. Once agreed it was written on a paper and was called the contract and was signed by all three. and was held up with a magnet on the fridge

Fast forward to few days later in a supermarket

so it starts all the pandemonium and I just said calmly one word
and all stopped
The word? I let you on this one Guess what "CONTRACT" The silence following that was deafening and you know what the cashier said what did you say?
I replied for me to know and for you to find out.

By the way that is a trouble long done and dusted

Very true about the babysitters friends. Even if they are not exaggerating how good they are to see them get business...they may be blind to things they are doing because their friendship clouds their perception a bit.

My sister had to take her child from an otherwise good sitter once because she found out she watched Springer during nap time. One summer, my nice, at 7, was getting a mouth that we had no idea where the influence was coming from. Ugh! Springer? 7 year olds fake it thought nap time...what did she expect!

We have a crisis of day care in Canada . The only party that gives it much important is the "N D P " in my judgment . Parents need more spaces in well run and well supervised day cares . In many elections campaigns, different parties promised to solve the problem but the problem is still here and well alive too.

Bob
I liked your story and it sounds like you agree with me that reasoning ,or taking away a privilige works the best. Am I right?

Only thing I dont like when spokebn in general is reward, punishment, threat, all should be replaced by the word consequence. Remember it is also working to gain the respect and it only will come volunteraly if and only if the recipient wishes to give it
Other wise we are all on the same hymn sheet

You are right Sam I think there is definitely a shortage of well run and affordable daycare faucilties .
however how much responsibilty do you feel the gov. has in this area?

tell me about it my sister in law uses the tv in thier bedroom and then wonders why they tear the wallpaper down and stuff like that...
me i love to be a "mean mommy" and not tuen the tv on all day LOLOL and threaten to throw away video games if they get in the way of real life and what is going on around them

It is so important to watch for signs of changes in your childs behaviour. I also think it is a good idea to come to the home or daycare unexpectidly just so you can check up. When I babysit in my home I told the parents they could come at any time they wanted just to see what was going on.

i know the day care i used with my son ...thier policy was first they would try time outs and reasoning and time outs then they would just call the parednts and tell them they had to come in...if the problem continued they would ask you to find another day care

I don't think that is being a mean mommy.at all that is being a resposible parent.

It requires an abudance of patience to work in a daycare. which do you prefer private home or day care faucility?

The government has a tremendous responsibility in this area . Without enough of good affordable and supervised day cares , it is tough for parents to find good babysitters around . The health and safety of all kids is a major government responsibility .